The DH "I work" excuse...

LucyPevensie

When I read about dh's using the "I work all day" excuse as a reason not to help with the baby - day OR night - I find it very irritating.  My DH said this to me once and I immediately replied "I'M WORKING TOO.  ALL DAY. AND INTO THE NIGHT - TAKING CARE OF THIS BABY - AND IT'S A FAR MORE DIFFICULT AND IMPORTANT JOB THAN THE ONE YOU'RE DOING AND IT'S IMPORTANT THAT I NOT BE COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED TOO SO I CAN DO A GOOD JOB AND SAFELY TAKE CARE OF OUR CHILD." 

And he got it.  And shut up.  I guess I'm lucky in that respect!  I'm headed back to my other job in 5 and a half weeks (boo) and I know it will be a lot easier than the one I've been doing for the past 6 and a half weeks!  I don't know what job is harder or more important than taking care of a small baby.  So dh's who use the "I work" excuse are full of shite. Just my 2 cents!   

(And in the interest of full disclosure - my DH is far from perfect and often seems to appear to prefer playing WoW to paying attention to the baby.  But then I verbally kick his butt and he (usually) gets it together..) 

ali-1411

lol - I try to not give DH a hard time.  He works a hell of a lot harder than I do 

cajuncutie0169

LucyPevensie:

my DH is far from perfect and often seems to appear to prefer playing WoW to paying attention to the baby. 

it's like you're describing my dh!

solittletime

your baby is so cute.. i just had to say that...  although i do get to sleep till 9 and lay down during the day.  i still think staying home is hard job.  i go back to work in two weeks after 7 months and I am nervous about it.  i feel bad for my dh sometimes because once he is home I turn the baby over to him -- sometimes i just need that time ..... 

jgeiman

Yea, DH has never said it outloud, but I know that's why he refused to do any middle-of-the-night feedings, and still refuses to do any early morning feedings. In his head, he works, so as long as I'm home, he doesn't have to do anything.

I go back to work FT on Jan 6, and I'm curious to see if his attitude changes or not.

sara1817

Dh uses this with me too. I've reminded him that he gets breaks, a lunch hour and sleeps all night. Sometimes he gets it, others he doesn't. He told me today that he doesn't want me to go back to work. I've told him that I feel it would greatly benefit Anorah and I for me to work 2 days a week. Time away from her will be good and he'll have those 2 days to see what it's really like to be all on your own.

dawnzer

Thankfully DH works from home, so he knows full well how much work I put into taking care of DD!

BrideNamedMeg

DH works from home, so he does a lot to help with the baby.  If he were working construction again it would be a different story. He'd really need a full nights sleep - can't be sleepy on a job if you don't want to get hurt/killed - so I'd be the only one up with the baby.  As it is, he does all night time changes which is great for me, all I have to do is feed her. 

Lucy_Plus_One!

cajuncutie0169:

LucyPevensie:

my DH is far from perfect and often seems to appear to prefer playing WoW to paying attention to the baby. 

it's like you're describing my dh!

Mine too. :::sigh:::

Wassygirl

i talked to my dad about this when i was on maternity leave because i was having the same issue with my husband and was really upset about it. he told me that he was the same way with my mom when my sister and i were little. (my mom was sah). he said he didn't realize until he saw my sister and me with our babies how much work it actually is. so, it may take 30 years, but they'll eventually understand!

krys2729

my dh is a climber...he climbs trees and cuts them down.  he is up sometimes 60+feet attached to only a saddle and ropes, operating a chain saw.  that is his "work".  does he need sleep more than me.  YES, absolutely.  so while you may find it an excuse, sometimes it is more like a completely valid reason.  i'd rather get up with the baby anyway, i don't really look at it as a burden.  and i would much rather not have my husband take a bad fall, or chop off a limb, or worse, than "verbally kick his butt" into helping with the baby.  i dunno, i am just not into making my husbands life more difficult.  we both do what we can to make eachothers lives easier.  there is no forcing.  just my 2 cents.

Wassygirl

krys2729:

my dh is a climber...he climbs trees and cuts them down.  he is up sometimes 60+feet attached to only a saddle and ropes, operating a chain saw.  that is his "work".  does he need sleep more than me.  YES, absolutely.  so while you may find it an excuse, sometimes it is more like a completely valid reason.  i'd rather get up with the baby anyway, i don't really look at it as a burden.  and i would much rather not have my husband take a bad fall, or chop off a limb, or worse, than "verbally kick his butt" into helping with the baby.  i dunno, i am just not into making my husbands life more difficult.  we both do what we can to make eachothers lives easier.  there is no forcing.  just my 2 cents.

i agree to an extent. my husbands job is very physical too. i have a desk job. but, sometimes i need a little help. as my son has gotten older, my husband has been helping more voluntarily.