Childcare advice? — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Childcare advice?

Advice needed from those who have booked/researched/used childcare! Sorry this may be long.

We visited a home daycare last night that was recommended by a former LGBT Bumpie who gave it rave reviews and has said she would send a second child there if she has one (current child is in preschool). We loved it -- we felt completely confident and comfortable with the woman who runs it (a mom and grandmother with over 25 years of experience), liked her policies and practices (yes to CDing, no to TV and toy weapons, bilingual Spanish/English, playing in the backyard when weather permits, walks to nearby park and library), and found out while we were there that another woman we know is now sending her second child there. She is near our house and my sister's house, has hours that will work for us (due to long work schedules/commutes, we need a longer day than lots of daycares offer), can do a 4-day week (which is all we need -- lots of places only offer 3 or 5), and is flexible with pick-up time (instead of charging you inflated late fees for pick up, she just charges you the normal hourly rate for the extra time. This is key because I have a public transit commute and you never know what's going to happen). Pricing is hourly -- you contract for a certain # of hours per week and that's what you pay for. Her prices are probably somewhere in the low to middle end for the area -- most of the places that charge less per day mostly seem to have shorter days.

So, all sounds good. But she has one infant spot for the fall and had an interview two days ago with another couple due in July. They have a few other places to look at and said they probably wouldn't get back to her until at least next week. So I feel like we need to move fast if we want this spot, but we haven't done any other tours/visits/interviews yet and setting them up is not super easy since they all want me to come midday and are far from my office.

I would honestly be comfortable signing up without visiting other places. I've done enough research that I feel like we are not going to get a nicer, more convenient, more flexible place for less money. I like that we know two people who've sent kids there. My wife would be comfortable too except for one concern. Her schedule tends to be stable for 1-3 years at a time. So right now she has Wednesdays off; starting in March she will have Thursdays off instead and will hopefully keep that schedule for a while. But her schedule could switch back to Wednesdays at some point without a lot of notice and it's not up to her. Because this is a small daycare (10-child capacity), she's concerned that if her schedule changes, we might not be able to switch our son to the other day because there won't be room on that day. She feels like a larger center daycare might be able to handle that kind of change more easily. I kind of feel like all daycare facilities around here are pretty booked up and any of them might potentially have a problem accomodating a short-notice schedule shift. I worry that places with more space have space because people don't want to send their kids there. The solution is to pay for 5 days a week and not use all of them -- but this is an extra $350/month for time we more than likely will not need.

Does anyone have any advice or insight? Would you put down a deposit without visiting other places? How much flexibility with schedule changes does your child's daycare have? TIA!
Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Childcare advice?

  • We put down a deposit (only $50 around here) to hold our spot at a day care that we loved and ended up finding a better spot for N to go so lost the deposit.  So if it were me I would definitely put down a deposit on the place if you got a feeling that it would be a good fit.  :)  In the meantime you can keep looking.  Then if you find something better you are only out the deposit, but if you don't find anything better you will just feel more comfortable with your first choice!

    We have flexibility with N's schedule, however that doesn't change the weekly amount we have to pay.  We do get like 10 vacation/sick days a year that end up as "free" days that we don't have to pay for. 

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  • We didn't have to put down a deposit, but we committed ourselves to our daycare without visiting any others.  I think that the fact that you love the provider and the place, along with having referrals that you trust, give you a nice 1-2 punch for comfort level.

    As for flexibility, Gabe goes to a center.  They aren't huge, but they do have a few locations.  I'll admit they are in high demand, but I found that to be true for any center that we might have been interested in.  As such, there is very little flexibility if our schedule were to change.  We were on their waiting list at 13 weeks into our pregnancy, and he finally got a spot at 5 months of age.  (and I went in and basically sat in their office until they figured out how to make it work for us)

    Have you brought the potential schedule change up in conversations with the provider?  You never know, she might not actually take another PT kid on the day that you have him home.  So it might be easier than you think to switch it around.  Just a thought ...

    Married to my amazing wife 6/12/10 
    TTC since 6/11
    Unmedicated IUI #1 - 6/28/11 - BFN
    Unmedicated IUI #2 - 7/25/11 - BFN
    Robotic Myomectomy (Fibroid Surgery) - 11/15/11
    Unmedicated IUI #3 - 4/24/12 - BFN 
    Progesterone Supported Leuteal Phase IUI #4 - 6/21/12 - BFP!!
    Baby Boy G Born 3/24/13

    On to #2, are we crazy?
    IUI #1 - 11/28/14 - BFP!  Beta #1 (11DPO) 34, Beta #2 (13DPO) 101, Beta #3 (20DPO) 3043
    Ultrasound at 6w4d shows a single, fluttering heartbeat.  Say hello to Sticky Ricki!

     

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  • edited February 2014
    My two cents: this place sounds perfect. If S's schedule changes in a way that is problematic, switch then. I wouldn't pass this up for something that may or may not happen, and if it does, may or may not be a problem for the daycare. I wouldn't worry about looking at others if you know you've found the right thing!! I can only hope it's that easy for us!!
    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


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    [Deleted User]
  • I think it sounds like a perfect match for you.  I think that women have gut feelings and you should follow that, if it feels right to you, then go for it.  As far as the schedule change I wouldn't think that would be a huge deal, but other child care providers are more strict than I am.  I ask for at least 24 hour notice to cancel or change a day, if that isn't possible then I request to be paid for the day even if I don't have the child.  I only did this because I had a family constantly calling me at the last minute saying they didn't need me that day, it ended up cutting my income in half at times.
    Or your other option is to move to Ohio, pay me to watch your child and save lots of money!!!  :-)
    T & G My wife and I married 9/10/11 in Niagara Falls, NY
    HSG 12/12/12        
    #1 ICI 12/15/12              BFN on 12/29/12
    #2 ICI  1/11/13                BFN 1/28/13                       
    #3 ICI 2/11/13                 BFN
                   
    #4 ICI August 2013,  Clomid 100mg    BFN on 8/30/13 
    #5 ICI September-Clomid 100,  mg ICI 8/15 and 8/16,  BFN on 9/3
    #6 ICI October-Clomid 150 mg for 5 days   BFN 10/27
    uterine laparoscopy on 11/14-no endo or cysts
    #7 IUI December-Clomid 150mg    BFP 12/21
    12/23 Beta 51     12/26 Beta 209!
    First ultrasound on January 8th 2014-great healthy heartbeat
    Second Ultrasound January 23 (8 weeks) we got to see and hear the heartbeat
    Third Ultrasound Feb 4th(10 weeks), then will  released to OBGYN'
    It's a GIRL!
    We welcomed Adalyn Cooper Elizabeth on 8/29/14
    She was 7lbs 11oz and 19.6 inches long

    Proud foster parents to two little girls ages 2.5 yrs old, M,  and 1 year old, K



    ball.and.chain[Deleted User]
  • Choosing the right provider really does cone down to the gut feeling. We visited several places, some of which were very similiar, but "the one" just felt right. If you feel comfy, go for it. And, I agree with @JGY - talk to the provider. It might not even be an issue.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    [Deleted User]
  • @trisholio, I have often thought it would be great if you could run an LGBT Bumpie daycare for all our kiddos!

    @newmompeanut, I'm jealous of your $50 deposit. I think ours would be a month's tuition - around $1400! That seems to be standard around here. Harder to walk away from :(
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    trisholio
  • ball.and.chain awe, thank you for that huge compliment!  it will obviously never happen, but the fact that you have thought that is so sweet.  

    btw i am still stalking your baby ticker and i will be glad for you to get past the onion, my wife is allergic to onions.  She cannot be in the same house where raw onions are being cut and she cannot eat anything with onions in it, except onion powder.  it just makes me chucke :-) come on orange!!!
    T & G My wife and I married 9/10/11 in Niagara Falls, NY
    HSG 12/12/12        
    #1 ICI 12/15/12              BFN on 12/29/12
    #2 ICI  1/11/13                BFN 1/28/13                       
    #3 ICI 2/11/13                 BFN
                   
    #4 ICI August 2013,  Clomid 100mg    BFN on 8/30/13 
    #5 ICI September-Clomid 100,  mg ICI 8/15 and 8/16,  BFN on 9/3
    #6 ICI October-Clomid 150 mg for 5 days   BFN 10/27
    uterine laparoscopy on 11/14-no endo or cysts
    #7 IUI December-Clomid 150mg    BFP 12/21
    12/23 Beta 51     12/26 Beta 209!
    First ultrasound on January 8th 2014-great healthy heartbeat
    Second Ultrasound January 23 (8 weeks) we got to see and hear the heartbeat
    Third Ultrasound Feb 4th(10 weeks), then will  released to OBGYN'
    It's a GIRL!
    We welcomed Adalyn Cooper Elizabeth on 8/29/14
    She was 7lbs 11oz and 19.6 inches long

    Proud foster parents to two little girls ages 2.5 yrs old, M,  and 1 year old, K



  • @ball.and.chain, $1400?!?  What?  Holy cow.  That's much higher than our $50 deposit.  I don't know if I could just walk away from that deposit either. 

  • Thanks all!  This has all been super helpful.  Going to talk to the wife tonight and she how she's feeling and explain how I feel.  I'm hoping I can get her to come around...
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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