1st Trimester

So annoyed with 1st Tri Post

I never do this but I am so annoyed with the 1st trimester post called unwanted advice and venting!

How can someone watch child abuse and not report it?

She keeps adding to the post saying you guys really think I should call??? and follows that with another horrible fact about this child's life. ?

People piss me off!

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Re: So annoyed with 1st Tri Post

  • whoops- posted in the wrong place.

    amazingblond- this is how I feel though. ?I really feel like you are just as at fault here. ?Will you be calling social services tomorrow or have you already??

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  • I agree.

    Anyone who would not report right away is a coward. Let the authorities decide if it is warranted or not, just make the call. Do your part.

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  • She is struggling with a decision because she loves a child so much. At least she is seeking advice and she did say she was going to call. It seems simple sitting on the other side of a screen reading it but I am sure it is painful for her.

    Why continue to add to her pain by your unwanted post and judgement.

  • As annoyed as you may be there are many people who do not report child abuse for many different reason. All in all she posted her story and was given advice, phone numbers, online links for reporting, and so on.?

    That is why it was made a law (for those in certain careers) that if you suspect child abuse or elder abuse you have to report it. I have many clients who have no idea that what is going on in their home is child abuse. I have clients who do know but are scared to report or think things will change. I have clients who are going through a divorce and will tell me things that are untrue, but that they know if I hear I have to report (they want to build a case up against the other spouse) my hands are tied since I cant say they are lieing and I have to fill out CPS forms.?

    So yes it can be annoying, but keep in mind that some people just dont know and maybe this was her way of asking for help.?

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  • I agree with CharLou.  Of course you're right -- this sounds like a case for child protection services -- but it is very, very hard to be in the middle of a situation like this.  I don't think we should judge the original poster, but rather we should all encourage her to do the right thing and help her by showing her how to do it (as other posters have).
  • imageTexasLadyBug:

    As annoyed as you may be there are many people who do not report child abuse for many different reason. All in all she posted her story and was given advice, phone numbers, online links for reporting, and so on. 

    That is why it was made a law (for those in certain careers) that if you suspect child abuse or elder abuse you have to report it. I have many clients who have no idea that what is going on in their home is child abuse. I have clients who do know but are scared to report or think things will change. I have clients who are going through a divorce and will tell me things that are untrue, but that they know if I hear I have to report (they want to build a case up against the other spouse) my hands are tied since I cant say they are lieing and I have to fill out CPS forms. 

    So yes it can be annoying, but keep in mind that some people just dont know and maybe this was her way of asking for help. 

    But she clearly DID know, as she said she's thought of calling before.  And all her reasons for NOT calling are pretty selfish, like SHE can't live without the girl.  I think she has to realize it's not about her, it's about an innocent child.

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  • imageCharLou:

    She is struggling with a decision because she loves a child so much. At least she is seeking advice and she did say she was going to call. It seems simple sitting on the other side of a screen reading it but I am sure it is painful for her.

    Why continue to add to her pain by your unwanted post and judgement.

    No. My youngest came to us through CPS. We knew everything she we enduring. It is even harder to watch everything going on, and not being able to do anything about it. I would sooner shoot myself then let someone I LOVE go through hell.

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  • imageCharLou:

    She is struggling with a decision because she loves a child so much. At least she is seeking advice and she did say she was going to call. It seems simple sitting on the other side of a screen reading it but I am sure it is painful for her.

    Why continue to add to her pain by your unwanted post and judgement.

    From her posts, it doesn't seem that way, which is what annoys me. ?

    She thinks it's cute that this girl calls her momma nikki. ?She kept adding to the post with additional information on how her mother is neglecting/abusing her. ?

    It's very easy to make an anonymous call- I do it as needed as a teacher. ?After reading her post, I wasn't convinced that she would call, even though she said she would. ?

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  • I understand your concern and disgust.

    At the same time I would be hesitant as well. You always hear SO many horror stories (physical and sexual abuse) of kids going through the system. I'd also be worried that she is the one good thing this little girl has going for her... if she reports her mother, the mother may very well keep her from her. And don't forget how f'd up our system is. They probably wouldn't do anything anyway.

    Just trying to show you another side. I hope to never be in her shoes.

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  • I just truly hope that I read a f/u post of here tomorrow saying she called.?

    I know the system doesn't always work, and I do know that neglect is the hardest to prove. ?We've been trying to prove it with one child for a few years now, but I feel she has an obligation to at least do her part. ??

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  • I went back and read her OP. She seems really chidish to me and so ignorant.

    Do you think this could be MUD?

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  • imageTraycee1242:

    I understand your concern and disgust.

    At the same time I would be hesitant as well. You always hear SO many horror stories (physical and sexual abuse) of kids going through the system. I'd also be worried that she is the one good thing this little girl has going for her... if she reports her mother, the mother may very well keep her from her. And don't forget how f'd up our system is. They probably wouldn't do anything anyway.

    Just trying to show you another side. I hope to never be in her shoes.

    This is the kind of attitude that allows this sort of thing to continue. Oh if I do anything they'll be mad at me, or they hurt the kid more, or I won't get to see the kid again. Even the system doesn't work. That sort of attitude makes me sick! The system can work and we have a duty to protect children.

    I'm a mandated reporter and I don't blink when it comes to reporting. And as someone who was abused as a child, I wish someone would have had the balls to do something about the abuse my mother and I were enduring. My life would have turned out vastly different.

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  • I think it's actually easier when you are a mandated reporter.  It's very clear that it's part of your job.  But if you are talking about a personal relationship, a friend or family member, it's a different story.  Life is much more complicated than what can be conveyed in a few posts on an internet chatboard.  I think the original poster needs encouragement and assistance, not condemnation.
  • imagemalex:
    I think it's actually easier when you are a mandated reporter.  It's very clear that it's part of your job.  But if you are talking about a personal relationship, a friend or family member, it's a different story.  Life is much more complicated than what can be conveyed in a few posts on an internet chatboard.  I think the original poster needs encouragement and assistance, not condemnation.

    i agree totally

  • Ok you guys can stop bashing me now! I have had my reasons why I didn't call. But I called this morning, and they said it was probably going to be investigated. SO- I will keep you updated on what happens there. I do love the girl, and have been through hell and back trying to fight with her mother on the right thing to do. I have even offered to pay for parenting classes. I don't want her to lose her daughter, but a serious wake up call. SS thought it was interesting that she works at a daycare... kinda sounded like they thought I was just making this all up. Emma has nobody else that is even worthy of taking her. Her grandparents did the same thing to her mom growing up, daddy is not involved, and daddy's parents don't want anything to do with her. I told them that I want to adopt her, if it came down to that.
  • I don't post much (really just a lurker) but I felt so compelled to answer the original poster's thread.  I answered a bit harshly and in a way I feel bad about that, but I was so angered by her selfishness that I couldn't help myself.

    I agree with JenG and Chrys on this.  I think that under the circumstances she described, everything was pointing to her calling CPS being the best option FOR THE CHILD.  Unless it was MUD, just the fact that these things happened at all (regardless of the personal relationship, regardless of what the OP would have gone through emotially to do the right thing, regardless of whether it was possible the mother was going to cut off connection with her, REGARDLESS if she might be worse off after having had her mom reported) it was enough for there to be a need for that situation to be reported.  It is the attitude that "there might be more going on than meets the eye" that allows children to suffer like this all too often.

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