Just can't get excited — The Bump
Pregnant after a Loss

Just can't get excited

I miscarried in October and I'm about 6weeks now. I just can't seem to get excited like last time, which then just makes me sad. I'm more terrified to be honest. Maybe I'll feel better after my first appointment on Feb 10?
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Re: Just can't get excited

  • You will never be able to have that naive happiness now that you've experienced a loss, but you will eventually begin to relax. Don't worry if it takes some time. Just try to be in the present moment.
  • I think a lot of us (probably most of us actually) know how you feel.  It's very scary, especially after you have lived through a loss.  I try to focus on taking one day at a time, and just trying to think positive.  Some days it's easier than others.  ((hugs))

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    BFP #1 | DD born July 2012
    BFP #2 | EDD 04.18.14 | D&C 10.01.13 @ 11w3d
    BFP #3 | EDD 09.15.14
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  • 2redtulips2redtulips
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Photogenic
    edited January 2014
    The loss of that first-timer innocence is one of the hardest parts of being pgal. 

    The good news is that little milestones become really big celebrations. The doubling betas, the first good u/s, hearing the heartbeat... They are not humdrum, run-of-the-mill experiences - they are a really big deal. (Not that they are anyway, but the excitement seems to be amplified for me.)

    So, take it one day and one week at a time. 


    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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    [Deleted User]AmericanInOzweddingringsandbabythings
  • Definitely know how you feel. I feel sad that pregnancy will never be as exciting for us again. Hopefully you will settle in and start getting attached to your little one as time goes on!

    first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
    It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!

  • I can definitely relate and have my next appt on the same day as you.   I think of myself as cautiously guarded, even though there is no preparing for a loss.  I try to tell myself that this pregnancy is not the same as last and to have faith.   


    BFP #1 - DS 2007

    BFP #2 - 8/25/13 - mmc 10/10/13

    BFP #3 - 1/14/14 - EDD 9/30/14

    [Deleted User]
  • I feel the exact same way. Good luck on your appointment! Hopefully good news will help bring the excitement back :)
    [Deleted User]
  • I know how you feel.. I just found out I'm pregnant after having two miscarriages back to back in July and September. Just try to think positive and hope for the best. I was scared at first then realized that by being excited this time around wouldn't make a difference either way it goes. Hope this helps.
    [Deleted User]
  • I can certainly relate after two miscarriages. This time around, I didn't start getting excites until after my a/s but that was probably in part due to my loss milestones. You may feel better but it still may be awhile after that. Hugs

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Our 3 Precious Angels That Left Us Too Soon
    BFP #2-EDD 07/05/13 - Tater and Tot passed at 12w3d. D&C 1/17/13
    BFP #3-EDD 12/19/13 - Peanut passed at 9w1d. D&C 05/31/13

    Diagnosed with Hypothyroid 05/20/13 

    BFP #4 - 09/22/13 - DD#2 born 05/27/14

    All Alers Welcome!


    [Deleted User]
  • Totally relate. Today is my last loss milestone from my loss in sept. I didn't start relaxing slightly till I passed the first. So hang in there focus on the positive and take it easy on yourself. I honestly don't think it's possible to go back to being as excited in future pregnancies after losing a lo. Just changes it all for us.
  • You are very normal...I had a 16w loss last March. I'm almost 12w now and am just finally starting to feel a little more friendly and less fearful toward my baby. It takes time, I've just been patient with myself and believe the baby would understand. I also know I have a lifetime to love this baby and being a little reserved for a few more weeks won't hurt him/her.

    But it is hard, last time I felt so incredibly in love and connected to my baby so fast and so easily. It is hard to have that pure joy taken away, so just give yourself the time you need. It'll come.
    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


  • I can completely relate to you. We got pregnant last January, told our families at the end of February, and had a miscarriage in March 11th. I got pregnant again that fall and am now 25 weeks. I was first paranoid to tell anyone including my parents because I felt like it happened right after I told them last time. I told my mom the exact same thing you posted- that I was having trouble feeling excited. I didn't want to get my hopes up just to be crushed again. She told me, that this baby deserves your hope, excitement, and attachment. If it happens again, it happens, and you can be hurt and sad then, but until then, you should celebrate. It was really hard to trust my body to take care of this baby after last time, but with each passing week, know it gets easier and more exciting. I wish you the best!
  • Thanks Everyone! It's nice knowing that what I'm feeling is pretty normal. The good news is so far baby is doing great :) I was really anxious going into my 10week appointment since that's when we found out about the mc last time, but we had a strong HB of 161 and perfect growth so I'm starting to feel much better. We also purchased a home doppler and that has helped enormously. We're still waiting until after the NT appointment on the 17th before telling anyone
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  • Danielle0311Danielle0311
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2014
    I totally understand how you feel. I am pregnant after a loss in November and this one isn't starting off great so there is no excitement. I think what PP have mentioned is true, as you hit each milestone your excitement will grow. It is a shame we won't be as excited as our first pregnancies but the most important thing is getting our rainbows , just hang in there and sending you t&p's that everything is okay!

    Edit; I just realized this was an update to an older post, congrats on great numbers so far !

    Me (30) DH (31) Married 5/13, TTC since 2/13
    BFP #1 Blighted Ovum resulting in D&C on 11/1/13
    BFP #2 Ectopic Pg, lap surgery on 3/12/14, R tube removed

    BFP # 3, EDD 2/21/15 * please be our rainbow*
  • The loss of that first-timer innocence is one of the hardest parts of being pgal. 

    The good news is that little milestones become really big celebrations. The doubling betas, the first good u/s, hearing the heartbeat... They are not humdrum, run-of-the-mill experiences - they are a really big deal. (Not that they are anyway, but the excitement seems to be amplified for me.)

    So, take it one day and one week at a time. 

    Pregnancy hormones made me cry when I read this...but it was so spot on. 
    Praying for your rainbow OP, and hoping that your mind is put at ease soon.. <3
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  • I can relate to this.  Just try and take it one day at a time.  It is hard to have to leave that naive happiness behind

    Congratulations and good luck!
    BFP 6/30/13 EDD 4/6/14 MC 8/4/13
    BFP 9/12/13 EDD 5/18/14 DS born 5/16/14
    BFP 8/16/17 EDD 5/1/17[/spoiler]
  • I really know how you feel. I got cramping and a gush of blood yesterday while working out and I just completely lost it. Nothing's all unicorns and happiness now that I've been down the darker path of loss. Try to take it one step at a time--because each step is one more day closer to holding your baby in your arms.
    Married since *7/13/2012* to my soulmate!

    Surprise! BFP 3/7/2013, Missed MC, D&C @ 7w5d
    BFP 12/10/2013, Natural MC @ 5w1d

    BFP 2/15/2014...Katia Elizabeth is due 10/23/2014!
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  • ksukelliksukelli
    Ninth Anniversary First Comment
    edited March 2014
    I'm so relieved to see other feel the same way. We had a m/c last August after two having our two healthy boys. I am now about 7 weeks along with this pregnancy and keep telling my husband I just feel so guarded against the disappoint that could come. I appreciate what a PP put about giving this baby just as much hope and joy as I had with my other pregnancies. I am going to try very hard to do that from here on out!
  • Circular27 said, we try to be in the present moment.   >:D<
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