Multiple loss mommys, when did you start TTC again — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Multiple loss mommys, when did you start TTC again

Not ready to fully tell my story...as I'm not totally ready to start TTC because my D&C was yesterday and I am still recovering and grieving the loss of my 2nd angel baby.

Here's my question, me and DH have cried together and talked about so much this past HORRIBLE week. Of course the question of when to try again came up. He wants to wait a year! Last time we waited 2 months and it happened again. I cried when he said a year. Am I being silly? Does anyone relate?

I don't want to wait 2 months this time. I was thinking more like 4 or 6 months. Also we will be going genetic counceling. The thought of a year makes me so sad because even when we start trying there is no guaranty.

Mommys with multiple losses, when did you start TTC?

Just looking for some advice, support and new friends. Thank you!

Re: Multiple loss mommys, when did you start TTC again

  • I am so sorry for your losses.  What does your doctor say?  I'm still fresh off of my second loss and will speak to my doctor on Monday about when I am cleared to TTC again.  I am going to wait as long as they recommend but no longer.  Everyone here will tell you to listen to your doctor first, and second you'll know when you are ready to TTC again when the fear of miscarriage is less than the hope of having another baby.  



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    My FF Chart:
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    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14

    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


    srcr2011
  • Doctor says 3 cycles. So 3 months? That's another thing, I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old so my cycles never returned back to normal. Sometimes I have a period, some months I don't. The 2 months I waited after my last miscarriage though I did have my period both months.

    I love the advice, TTC after the fear of miscarriage is less than the hope of having another baby...although I don't think my fear will ever go away I know one day my hope for a new baby might be greater than my fears.
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  • Doctor says 3 cycles. So 3 months? That's another thing, I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old so my cycles never returned back to normal. Sometimes I have a period, some months I don't. The 2 months I waited after my last miscarriage though I did have my period both months. I love the advice, TTC after the fear of miscarriage is less than the hope of having another baby...although I don't think my fear will ever go away I know one day my hope for a new baby might be greater than my fears.


    I would ask the dr. to clarify 3 cycles or 3 months...that can mean 2 totally different things after a loss. 

    after my first loss we were asked to wait 6 months...then that got reduced by my OB after 4 months...we got pregnant immediately only to have another miscarriage...I felt like I had been totally kicked in the guts.  we then were told to wait 2 cycles, however it took me FOREVER to have a cycle, so we ended up waiting longer timewise to TTC than the first time when we waited 4 months...we waited 3 cyles got pregnant after 2 cycles and lost that one too.  This time we were asked to wait 3 cycles...I am at the end of my 3rd cycle and working with an RE...we should be TTCing next cyle.

    it's really going to be a different answer from everyone...listening to your dr. as well as coming to an agreement with your DH are going to be key.  sorry you are so frustrated right now...i know it is hard to wait.

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  • ***Living Child mentioned:

    I am following my DR's orders, waited 3 cycles post D&C. I burn the bench this month and we can try this month! I am nervous but excited. For me, I'm not sure if I want to bench myself another 2-3 months and plan to get KU in May/June to have a  Feb/March baby, so I can have more mat. time off (I work for public schools) and I get my 12 weeks plus the summer. I agree with PP about the age thing. I am 30 this year and although it is not consider AMA, I want 2 more children. Plus I have really bad baby fever!!!

    Its good to follow DRs orders. I had a MC and AF never came, I ended up with a BFP and a third loss. GL to you!!!
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    Pregnancy 3 - EDD 5/2/14 NMC @ 6 weeks 9/4/13
    Pregnancy 4 - EDD 6/11/14 BO @ 9 weeks D&C 11/8/13
     AF arrived 12/18/13
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    TTA until May/June 
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  • I just had my 2nd D&C yesterday after my 2nd MMC.  Both times my doc said we could try again whenever we felt like it.  Didn't even have to wait for the 1st AF!  Both times, for me personally, I wanted to try again ASAP as did my husband.  I think if he had said he wanted to wait, I would have been shocked.  We are both on the same page so far.  So sorry for your loss

    Me 34 DH 31, Together since 2003, Married August 20, 2011,  TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 August 24, 2013! MMC discovered Oct. 3, 2013, D&C Oct. 4, 2013
    BFP #2 December 17, 2013! MMC discovered Jan. 28, 2014, D&C Jan. 30, 2014
    Testing done: male with complete Trisomy 16, not hereditary. Tested me for clotting disorders, all normal.
    Feb. 2014 all clear again to TTC!  Will start progesterone supplementation with the next BFP just in case.       Oct. 2014 more testing just because, thyroid and autoimmune panels = normal.  Diagnostic U/S = no abnormalities.  Will keep trying for 3-6 more months, doctor still optimistic!

    BFP #3 December 11, 2014!  Beta #1 14DPO = 122.4 Beta #2 17DPO = 296.8 Please stick little one and be our Rainbow!

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  • The first time we waited about 7 weeks it was our one try before DH started Chemo and radiation.  This time the Dr. didn't have us wait but it hasn't happened yet waiting for he second O and the results from our testing both should come next week.
    Me DOR amh .64 ng/mL  
    DH Brain Cancer
    BFP #1 12/11/08 DS born 8/23/09
    BFP#2 10/13/11 DC 11/4/11
    BFP#3 12/6/13 Lost 12/29/13
    Told IVF is the only option and have not found a clinic that will take me.



  • I think you're going to see many different answers here. But anyway.....

    After loss #1 and 2, we waited until the doctor gave us the green light. After loss #3, 14 cycles and counting. 

    I'm sorry for your loss.
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  • After our first loss we waited 9 cycles. We had another loss in October. I am avoiding right now because some of my blood work was off when I had rpl testing done. I am waiting to see if medication is working to lower my levels of prolactin.

    Others have said when the fear is less then your want for a baby then you are ready to try again.

    **BFP#1 9/5/12   EDD 5/15/13  changed to 5/25/13 after u/s,  missed mc 10/19/12.  D and C 10/22/12** 
     **BFP#2 9/12/13  EDD 5/16/14 changed to 5/27/14 after u/s, hb 126 on 10/11/13, miscarriage on 10/24.13**
    ~RPL testing results from 12/6/13 show everything normal except elevated prolactin. Blood work is now in the normal range. All AL welcome!
    image
  • Like PPs said there will be tons of different answers.

    After loss #1 we waited 1 month (AF hadn't came but the doctor said we didn't have to wait). After loss #2 (back on nov 1) we waited three cycles per us not the doctor. Doctor said we could start trying anytime. For us this time it was a mental break from it and to wait for my body to get back to "normal" . I am very sorry for your loss.
     
    imageimage

    Started TTC July 24, 2012
    BFP #1 June 15, 2013 ended in MMC July 21, 2013
    BFP #2 October 13, 2013 ended in natural miscarriage November 1, 2013
    ALL WELCOME
  • I'm sorry for your losses ((hugs))

    Between after loss #1 we waited 1 cycle.  After loss #2 we waited 1 cycle but were really NTNP for 2-3; it then took us several cycles to conceive again.  Since loss #3 we have been benched for 5 months and plan to start trying after my next AF.  It's very different for everyone but I agree with you that 1 year would sound scary and long to me.  That being said it is very new and raw for both of you so his thoughts may change over time.  Just make sure to follow your doctors orders.  Again, I'm sorry you're here.
    Married the love of my life June 18, 2011 -- Me (28) DH (29)
    TTC #1 since June 2012
    BFP #1 6.29.12 EDD 3.12.13 MMC discovered 8.11.12 9w5d D&C 8.15.12
    BFP #2 11.2.12 EDD 7.14.13 MMC 6w5d discovered 8w6d 2 failed rounds miso D&C 12.27.12
    BFP #3 8.5.13 EDD 4.18.14 MMC 7w4d discovered 9.25.13 at 10w6d -Trisomy 13- 1 round miso & emergency D&C 10.2.13
    RPL Testing. DX Asherman's November 2013. Low AMH (0.44) January 2014. 
    Operative Hysteroscopy January 2014 to remove scar tissue.
    BFP#4 6.18.14 EDD 3.3.15 Team Pink
    --AL always welcome--
        image  
  • SO sorry :( TTC again when you are ready. I always defer to DH- even when I want to go sooner, I let him decide. Men just love to feel in control, and usually he ends up being ready before I am.

    Also, a coworker shared with me that she had to wait a YEAR to TTC after a molar pregnancy. Hearing her story gave me hope that if she could wait a year to TTC (and she did, she has THREE children now), then I can wait a month or two.
  • Puka99Puka99
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited February 2014
    I am terriby sorry- I truly didn't realize how offense my post was. I am deleting it now.

    Hugs to you.
    DS 1 Alex born May 28, 2007 7lbs 14oz
    DS 2 Aiden born November 29, 2011 9lbs 1 oz
    DS 3 Lucas b/d February 26, 2013 at 18w6d Forever our angel
    DS #4 due June 13, 2014

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  • Puka99 said:
    Signature warning***



    It's so hard to know when the time is right. We had our first son with no issues (in May 2007) It took us 9 months to conceive but I didn't know all about ovulation days and temping and that stuff. We then got pregnant three times (once in Sept 2007, May 2008 and then March 2009.) At that time we were NTNP. Each one of those losses was a natural loss but the March one was at 9 weeks I think.

     At that point I said enough was enough and dh agreed.I did get testing done in 2009 after my third loss because my cycle after that loss was like 82 days and very abnormal for me. We didn't discuss future children at all until December 2010. I told him "I think I want one more." He told me he had been thinking about another one too. I got more testing done with a new doc and we had another successful pregnancy. Our second son was born in 2011.

    We got a surprise BFP in November 2012 and sadly lost our third son last February at 18weeks. It was terribly gut wrenching and the worst thing I've experienced. I told my dh we were done and that was it. In May I decided that maybe we would try for one more but I first wanted to see an RI before we decided. He agreed to go ahead if the RI agreed to see me and if everything came back ok or if there were things we could do. After we got the testing done in July (ironically it was the day before Lucas' EDD) and got the results we ended up starting the following month.

    The whole point of my  long windedness is that I think it's a good idea to give yourself a time frame and then reevaluate. There is no right or wrong answer. As you can see, we waited about a 1 1/2 between our third loss before we were ready to try.

    Many hugs to you.
    @Puka99 - why would you post in this thread? It's horribly inappropriate.

  • @PinkCamino-thank you for pointing it out. I do apologize. I did not realize and another member did messsage me. Thank you again.
    DS 1 Alex born May 28, 2007 7lbs 14oz
    DS 2 Aiden born November 29, 2011 9lbs 1 oz
    DS 3 Lucas b/d February 26, 2013 at 18w6d Forever our angel
    DS #4 due June 13, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I think your best bet is to wait to make a decision.

     After our second loss, DH and I agreed if we had another one we would not try again.  But after our third, we waiting a few weeks and then discussed what we wanted to do.  We ended up waiting about 5 months then started TTCing.

    But everyone is different and I think making any decisions so close to your loss is difficult. Give yourself some time.
    *******************************************************************************************************************
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    Started Progestrone Treatment, BFP#3 May 10,2013  PROM/PRL on Sept 7 2013
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