Is it silly...

Artebellezzavita

...for me to be the teensiest bit disappointed? Let me explain. I went in for my 11-14 week scan yesterday. My Ob/Gyn told me that this would be a very in depth scan. It would be to check for Down's and other abnormalities. Everything looked good, there was a nasal bone and the nuchal fold was very thin. So the sonographer was happy and DH and I are thrilled baby's healthy. And then, we got a very quick look at the crotch, it was kind of a frontal, and before tech could even say anything...I thought...vagina! And that's what she confirmed. WTH? IS THIS NOT TOO EARLY?! 

I don't know why, but I had a very strong feeling it would be a boy. I suppose that could be because...I really really wanted a boy? In our circle of friends there are plenty of little boys so I could see fun times all around. And as this LO is the first grandchild, there are no little cousins, boy or girl. So I figured we would make plenty of play dates with the friends that have boys. And my DH has quite a few boy-orientated hobbies - fishing, soccer, cricket. And I know he was just looking forward to the day he could indulge in all of those activities with a little boy. Although what I think this boils down to is my own relationship with my mother. While we do not have the most catastrophic relationship ever, it could've been worse, I still feel that it could be better than in is. Well, it's improved now that Im out of the house with my own home and husband, but I feel all those years made some kind of mark on me and is most probably the biggest reason why Im so petrified of having a girl. My mother and I are too much alike, whether thats because I am her daughter or this is just the way I came out is hard to say, but it has been strenuous and I don't always think back on our relationship favorably. And I don't want that for my kid.

I have read plenty that it's best to wait until 17-18 weeks, and even if you were to find out so early, hold off for that second opinion. I also told DH that I would prefer to wait, I would feel far more comfortable after seeing my own doc at a later stage. But he's already spreading the word. Are there any second or third time moms out there that received such an early reveal? Were the results always accurate? 

BeachM

It's just a guess at this point. They were correct with DS but don't get yourself worked up yet. I'm surprised the tech didn't ask first if you wanted to know.

Artebellezzavita

flip_flops thanks so much. She did say they can garantee 90% accuracy though. That's why Ive been havin a mini panic. But yes, I also thought that was rather forward...she didn't even ask. She just said, "...do you see this slit?' Lol.

Cat&S

Girls can do all the same "boy" stuff you were picturing a son doing. She can have boy friends and go fishing and play soccer with her dad. And come home and play dress up with you. Or have a tea party. Or whatever she wants to do.

She is not you or your mother, and you will build a great relationship with her, completely independent of the one with your mother. I'm sure you'll be a great mom and all of this will go out the window when you hold her in your arms, regardless whether she's a she or a he.

Valancyy

I'd be upset she didn't ask first.  That's odd.

haliebabyx3

I agree with @Valancyy what if you didn't want to know at all. Though I know at this point it is a guess, but if you could have been further along and she blurted that out and you didn't even want to know. I would be upset as well that she didn't ask. 

Artebellezzavita

Cat&S said:

Girls can do all the same "boy" stuff you were picturing a son doing. She can have boy friends and go fishing and play soccer with her dad. And come home and play dress up with you. Or have a tea party. Or whatever she wants to do. She is not you or your mother, and you will build a great relationship with her, completely independent of the one with your mother. I'm sure you'll be a great mom and all of this will go out the window when you hold her in your arms, regardless whether she's a she or a he.

Thank you for your kind words. I know I just built this up in my mind so long and as we just found out yesterday, Im still working through it. But I did think about it, and decided that as time goes on and my belly grows and I feel her move, my mind-set will change. 

trawas01 you're completely right! I have done just that, when I myself dislike stereotypes, I may not fish or watch soccer like my DH, but we both know that when it comes to DIY, and surprisingly, cars (my dad was a mechanic), I know more than he does. And I would want my daughter to do what she enjoys regardless of whether its a girl or boy activity. I realize now how it all came across but its more because my fixation on a boy was so strong because of my fear of a mother-daughter relationship. But I do feel like this is a passing phase, I just needed a bit of a rant. 

So I know what I need to do in terms of my own mental state, but for the sake of curiosity as well and piece of mind, can I take her word for it? Or is it just too damn early?!

tahitiansun

I wouldn't take her word for it, wait for the anatomy scan. However I would focus on the fact the scan looked good overall. In the end, a healthy baby is what matters

straightonuntilmorning

Just be happy that the baby is healthy. 

A girl can have play dates with boys, a girl can fish and play soccer. I am in a very male-oriented job field - there were literally 3 women in my graduating class. What's between your legs doesn't mean shit. I understand a little disappointment, but don't dwell on it. It won't help you or your daughter. 

gris37

Although I was hoping for a boy for my last pregnancy, and it turned out to be a boy, I had that sickness in my stomach feeling as well because I didn't know how I would be as a mother to a boy.  To me, feeling disappointment about the sex and feeling nervous about how to raise the baby are two separate feelings, so don't feel guilty about having them.  For me, I worried about how successful I would be in raising a man.  I was raised around mostly women, so it was scary.  I had no idea what activities I would do with him, how I could support him when he got older, etc.  I think they're common mommy worries.  But don't limit what activities your (possible) daughter could do just because she's a girl.

Rosebean

Please, if you have a daughter, don't mentally limit her to what she can or cannot do because she is female. You are placing a glass ceiling over her before she can even come out of the womb. I fished with my dad. All the time. Played baseball, loved camping and even wore his shirts during high school because I liked how they covered my thighs (gotta love high school insecurities). I think parenting a boy and a girl are exactly the same things, and that sex or gender has nothing to do with the experiences they can have growing up. You should have a talk with your H about him taking out any future daughter to do anything that is considered a boy activity and vice versa for a boy to girl activities. I can tell you, when I was little and if I had a brother that my dad took fishing but left me at home, that would be devastating. All children want to be included, until they are old enough to say that they want to do something different. I could never imagine turning to my daughter and saying you can't go fishing with daddy and your brother because you are a girl. 

Sex disappointment posts are always a hard pill for me to swallow...

mrscutforth

I was disappointed with LO1 I thought he was girl. Just gut feeling at the time. When we found out he was a boy not a girl. I was bummed. I cried when we left the doc and then I started feeling guilty. It got better as I started looking at the baby boy stuff. And when I met him for the first time I cried because of guilt and how I could have ever think he wasn't what I wanted. 

You will come around. As soon as you see your LO all those feelings will go away. Promise.

loulou182

I asked what the gender was at my 13 week ultrasound and the tech said it was too early to tell.

My mom said that when she was pregnant with me she really wanted a boy and was quite upset when she found out I was a girl. She said she cried her eyes out because she really wanted a boy. But, she said that all changed when the doctor put me in her arms. She said she took one look at me and didn't care anymore that I was a girl. She also had 2 boys after I was born.

Once you have the baby in your arms it won't matter if it's a girl or a boy.

HalseytoBe

I wouldn't be disappointed! Girl or boy, you and hubby will be able to lots of "boy" oriented activities, such as sports.  You will enjoy them because your child is learning and having, hopefully, lots of fun.  With that in mind, I keep thinking I'm having a boy, and I'll probably be a little shocked too, mostly because everything I'm looking at it boy-related! Good luck, and you never know, maybe your tech was wrong! 

kimberlybethh

Artebellezzavita said:

Cat&S said:

Girls can do all the same "boy" stuff you were picturing a son doing. She can have boy friends and go fishing and play soccer with her dad. And come home and play dress up with you. Or have a tea party. Or whatever she wants to do. She is not you or your mother, and you will build a great relationship with her, completely independent of the one with your mother. I'm sure you'll be a great mom and all of this will go out the window when you hold her in your arms, regardless whether she's a she or a he.

Thank you for your kind words. I know I just built this up in my mind so long and as we just found out yesterday, Im still working through it. But I did think about it, and decided that as time goes on and my belly grows and I feel her move, my mind-set will change. 

trawas01 you're completely right! I have done just that, when I myself dislike stereotypes, I may not fish or watch soccer like my DH, but we both know that when it comes to DIY, and surprisingly, cars (my dad was a mechanic), I know more than he does. And I would want my daughter to do what she enjoys regardless of whether its a girl or boy activity. I realize now how it all came across but its more because my fixation on a boy was so strong because of my fear of a mother-daughter relationship. But I do feel like this is a passing phase, I just needed a bit of a rant. 

So I know what I need to do in terms of my own mental state, but for the sake of curiosity as well and piece of mind, can I take her word for it? Or is it just too damn early?!

I didn't find out that early with our first so I can't speak to the accuracy of the test but I do know what it's like to want a boy. It's hard to admit but I was a little disappointed when the tech told us it was a girl at our 20 week ultrasound. I knew dh also really wanted a boy so I was worried about him being disappointed too. It has turned out to be really amazing having a little girl!! My dh also had a lot of male hobbies but he plans on teaching them to dd when she gets older. He has already gotten her plenty of pink camo . It sounds like maybe you didn't have the best relationship with your mom. I'm sure that is difficult but you can make different choices so you have a better relationship with your child. 

bamanichole

I know people that have been told girl up to 17 weeks and it turn out to be a boy. I've always been told that the boy "stuff" can pop out up until 17-18 weeks which is why it's best to wait. My OB won't do an a/s until 20 weeks give or take a few days bc of the uncertainty. Now saying that they told me DS was a boy at my NT scan and turned out to be right. If they tell me a boy at my NT scan this time I'll lean toward boy but not tell people or buy until my a/s. There's no way I'd tell anyone I was having a girl until at least 18 weeks, I'd be scared the stuff would pop out later lol!

Welltc01

This is why I've chosen to not find out my babies sex. I feel like no matter how excited you are to have a Healthy baby I think part of any person is disappointed. "But it could have been a boy... Or could have been a girl". I feel like i would be somewhat discontent the entire 20-25 weeks of the pregnancy. Although I really have no preference which is another reason I don't care to know. Waiting until birth seems good for me because I'll be so overwhelmed with excitement when hubby says "it's a BOY" or it's a GIRL" no room for disappointment or what ifs then!

Sarafar4

I'm going to echo previous comments and say, it's ok to feel disappointed but don't start thinking aboutn "all the things you'll be missing". I am the oldest of three girls and my sisters and I loved fishing and crabbing with my dad, playing football and building our treehouse. I also loved when my mom and her friends, who all had sons, would get together! If you do have a little girl, try to focus on all the wonderful experiences you will share with your daughter. And, most if all, remember that you ARE NOT your mother!

schnookee

From what I understand it's still a nub at this point and wouldn't resemble a vagina yet. Im no expert though

Artebellezzavita

Thank you ladies your feedback. Everyone's perspective has given me something to think about. And its comforting to know that Im not the only one that felt like this initially. I have already started accepting the prediction, but also decided to be realistic, it is VERY early at this point. So just maybe I might be hoping the sonographer was wrong, (Ive heard of it happening) but I know that I will be happy even if she was not. I am even starting to get a little bit excited about the new possibilities of a little girl that I hadn't even considered before.

I know it seemed that I was mourning the loss of opportunities with a boy but the truth is that I was just absolutely dreading the idea of a girl. Which I know is based mainly on my own relationship with my mother, and now that I think about it, even my interactions with other girls while I was growing up. I've had a number of bad experiences and sometimes find it difficult to trust other women. These are my own issues I know and only I can work on them. I am also not a girly-girl at all so if she turns out to be, it was just another thing I assumed I wouldn't know how to deal with. The reason I stressed that my DH and I was looking forward to a little boy for the fishing and sports, etc was not because we didnt believe our little girl could do these things, but that she might not want to. And while the same could be said for a boy, it's more likely that he would be more willing to participate in such activities. But I am pushing all of that aside for now, I can still try again one day. For now I will just focus on the excitement of preparing the nursery and buying the toiletries and furniture etc. We are going to have a healthy baby! And that makes me very happy.