Let's discuss- kids and food

bumpuser8448316

A friend wrote on Facebook that her 3 year old was refusing to eat her dinner. So she took the plate and put it in the fridge and refused to feed he kid anything else until,she ate 3 bets of dinner. She was quite proud that it had been 20 hours since the kid had eaten but she wasn't giving in.

While I get the point of not feeding her anything else because she didn't eat her dinner I think it's insane, and neglectful, to let your kid to 20 hours without food because you're teaching them that they don't always get their way.

Andrewsgal

QueSyrah said:

A friend wrote on Facebook that her 3 year old was refusing to eat her dinner. So she took the plate and put it in the fridge and refused to feed he kid anything else until,she ate 3 bets of dinner. She was quite proud that it had been 20 hours since the kid had eaten but she wasn't giving in.

While I get the point of not feeding her anything else because she didn't eat her dinner I think it's insane, and neglectful, to let your kid to 20 hours without food because you're teaching them that they don't always get their way.

That is horrible, and borderline abuse. That poor child.

Spin313

As a person with food aversions, I thank god my parents never treated me that way!

If my kids don't want to eat, that's fine. I encourage them to try, but I dont force. They know that they'll only get some veggies or a piece of cheese as an alternative until the next meal.

bumpuser8448316

Spin313 said:

As a person with food aversions, I thank god my parents never treated me that way! If my kids don't want to eat, that's fine. I encourage them to try, but I dont force. They know that they'll only get some veggies or a piece of cheese as an alternative until the next meal.

I do very similar. If DS chooses not to eat, that's his choice. But until,the next meal his options are an apple or some yogurt.

vlagrl29

That's too much!  Poor kid.  I don't make 2 dinners for DD, so if she doesn't feel like eating what's in front of her that's pretty much it.  We do give her choices for dinner.

notkateanymore

That's nuts. I totally get the "you don't get another supper besides the one I made" thing, but umm...there is breakfast and lunch since dinner you freak!

dairygirl19

That's harsh.

My usual dinner rule is "Eat or get down." If she doesn't eat it, I'll offer it as a snack later or choose some other healthy but non-exciting snack.

Sometimes kids aren't hungry and I don't think that's so wrong. Sometimes it is a battle of wills and I'm not about to engage a 3 year old in it, kwim?

I, just. can't. fight. food. battles. in. this. house.

dmartin726

I agree with Andrewsgal.  Borderline abuse.  If not abuse.

I will say no treat if you don't eat.  I will refuse to make her something else.  But if 2 hours later my kid asks for a cracker, she can eat one.  Give me a break.  There is tough parenting and then there are just assholes out there.  

LatteLady5

Andrewsgal said:

QueSyrah said:

A friend wrote on Facebook that her 3 year old was refusing to eat her dinner. So she took the plate and put it in the fridge and refused to feed he kid anything else until,she ate 3 bets of dinner. She was quite proud that it had been 20 hours since the kid had eaten but she wasn't giving in.

While I get the point of not feeding her anything else because she didn't eat her dinner I think it's insane, and neglectful, to let your kid to 20 hours without food because you're teaching them that they don't always get their way.

That is horrible, and borderline abuse. That poor child.

Exactly this.

Chapter79

20 hours? Awesome parenting right there.

peacelove&mama

TWENTY HOURS? And she's bragging about it? That poor child.

My ex once made soup for dinner, DS1 as a little kid HATED soup. He's still not a big fan, but he'll eat homemade chicken vegetable. Anyways, he wouldn't eat it. My ex put it in the fridge, and the next morning when I was making DS1 cereal for breakfast, he took the bowl away and told me no, he's not having anything else until he eats his soup. I flipped on him and DS1 got cereal in the end. To me, yes, refusing other meals to a child because they don't like what was on their plate at whatever meal is abuse. I won't make a separate dinner if one kid won't eat what I made (which never happens anymore) but I won't withhold the other meals of the day or healthy snacks.

bumpuser8448316

Ick. Did anyone say anything about it?

Yes. Several people (myself included) expressed concern. According to another friend someone called her pastor and the pastor talked to her about I and she deleted the post

ASullivan1231

I can't believe the woman was so proud of herself and put it on FB.

thechickencoop

Wait, what?  Did she not feed him breakfast?  Poor kid!

DS usually eats a big breakfast, but he's kind of 50/50 with dinners.  But he is always offered a snack before bed, especially if he didn't eat much earlier.  LIke some pps said, yogurt, fruit, maybe some PB and pretzels...etc.  BUT I will absolutely not make him a separate dinner.  DH lived with his grandparents growing up and they did this all of the time and I'm 100% positive that's why he's so picky now.

bumpuser8448316

aliebno said:

Wait, what?  Did she not feed him breakfast?  Poor kid!

DS usually eats a big breakfast, but he's kind of 50/50 with dinners.  But he is always offered a snack before bed, especially if he didn't eat much earlier.  LIke some pps said, yogurt, fruit, maybe some PB and pretzels...etc.  BUT I will absolutely not make him a separate dinner.  DH lived with his grandparents growing up and they did this all of the time and I'm 100% positive that's why he's so picky now.

She continued putting his dinner plate on the table

LatteLady5

QueSyrah said:

Ick. Did anyone say anything about it?

Yes. Several people (myself included) expressed concern. According to another friend someone called her pastor and the pastor talked to her about I and she deleted the post

I'm really glad you said something. I understand wanting your child to eat the meal you made but honestly, sometimes there's food I make that DH doesn't like and he gets something else or vice versa. The other night I made brats but I don't care for them so I had a grilled chicken salad. I really don't see an issue giving an alternative. I'm not a short order cook but I try to make sure everyone has something they like and if not, we have other healthy alternatives that I don't have to cook. There's no reason to withhold all food from your child for a day just to prove a point.

dizzycooks

Nope, not cool.  Certainly nothing to be proud of.  I can totally see not giving a bedtime snack (if that's your thing) or offering it later that night if they are still hungry, but breakfast would be a new meal and we would move on.  I do not do power struggles, especially over food.

alli2672

20 hours doesn't seem like a huge deal to me.  If a kid has lunch at noon, skips dinner, and eats breakfast at 8am, that's 20 hours. 
My middle child probably does that once a week. 
However, something about the way you told the story/the post on facebook kind of gives me the creeps.  I get the feeling that the cold leftovers were pulled out multiple times and placed in front of an angry child by an angry adult, and that just seems like a terrible way to parent.   

bhuffman

That seems extreme. Here, if you refuse a meal, you don't eat until the next. However, I serve something different.

bumpuser8448316

alli2672 said:

20 hours doesn't seem like a huge deal to me.  If a kid has lunch at noon, skips dinner, and eats breakfast at 8am, that's 20 hours. 
My middle child probably does that once a week. 
However, something about the way you told the story/the post on facebook kind of gives me the creeps.  I get the feeling that the cold leftovers were pulled out multiple times and placed in front of an angry child by an angry adult, and that just seems like a terrible way to parent.   

Fair point about the time between dinner and breakfast. That actually hadn't occurred to me. There was just something about the way she worded it that made me feel like the kid was hungry, she just didn't want the particular meal that had been served for dinner.

segerama

Like others, if you don't take two no thank you bites of each item, there are no snacks until the next meal.  However, each meal is a fresh start.  I may leave out her lunch for an hour to make sure she is done, but I would never force her to eat it at the next meal time.

Mrs.Hizzo

Who else remembers this exact scenario in Mommy Dearest? (Probably just 80's.)

bumpuser8448316

I've never seen that movie (through I've heard of it).

bumpuser8448316

wife07mom09 said:

It's not abuse.  she offered the child food. It was good food. Child did not eat. Child has a choice and mother can't make him.  Barring a true medical condition this is what parents should do. Offer the food again if child is hungry instead of being a short order cook.

Posting on Facebook and bragging or cajoling child is the wrong way to to handle this.  It is not abuse.

But once the child says the don't like what you've offered, at what point is it just mean to keep telling them they have to eat it? A what point are you willing to just move on to the next meal? I think it's insane to serve last nights dinner for breakfast and lunch the next day just to make the kid eat it

trizzie

I am glad she deleted it, but I hope she learned from it too.  That makes me sad for that poor child. And believe me, they do not come pickier than my 5 year old son!

Andrewsgal

It's offering the same food that bothers me. This is a power struggle plain and simple and no one wins. We offer one meal at dinner if they don't like it they don't earl they are free to eat fruits and veggies at anytime.