Realistic or not?

AngelinaMichael9042015

I'm due mid-September and my husband and I are very excited about this. The only downfall is that I'm currently undergoing graduate school, and I'm getting my masters in education. It's not law school, it's not medical school: but to me, it's important. Anyway, I was telling one of my best friends that I'm due at the onset of next fall semester, at which point I will stop working entirely and just go to school, finishing out my last semester of graduate school. Essentially, I will have classes 3 nights a week, from 5-8, and that's all. My husband will stay at home and watch the baby during those hours. I know it's not ideal to have a new born and go to school, but it's just what the situation is right now. So back to my story, when I was telling my friend that I plan on sticking out the semester and quitting work, she just laughed and said that would be impossible and that I would need to stay at home and recover for at least 3 months before I even think of leaving the house. I know newborns are a total life changing event, but is she right? Will I not be able to leave at all. My professors already know I will have to take a few weeks off of school, and they are ok with that. I'm starting to get really worried now that I can't do this. Any advice on going to school and having a newborn?

Pinkrose1012

This is not true, I had my daughter in the middle of one of my semesters for school. I had her on a Tuesday and went back to school on the following Monday. The only thing I struggled with was being away from her for a long period of time. Though everyone is different you may be able to go back you may not, good Luck with what ever you decide.

spinsemeyer

Your friend is ridiculous. I can't afford to not leave my house for 3 months after labor,  I'm the breadwinner!

A good friend of mine got pregnant her last year of pharmacy school and delivered right before clinical rotations. She ended up starting rotations 2 weeks after labor, working 40 hours a week on-site plus doing homework at night. It sucked, for sure, but she managed. 

rae_dylanzmom

Personally, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I had an unplanned c-section, a reaction to drugs, and then a cold. Nothing I'd complain about, but nothing I saw coming.  My point? It's really difficult to know what is going to happen, how you're going to feel, and what is going to be required.

I have so many FT-SAHM and D friends who set themselves up for disappointment by making all these plans about what they wanted to do.... degrees, projects around the house... It sounds to me like you are (like so many others) underestimating the time commitment that is required by both school and your new baby.

Sure some people do it, but you have to ask yourself if that is a good choice for you. Me? I would consider taking a semester off and finishing in the spring (which would still be difficult, btw, but you would have a little experience under your belt to help you deal).

AngelinaMichael9042015

Thank you for your advice everyone! I am aware that, as this is my first child, I can only imagine the magnitude of what I'm taking on. I'm used to staying constantly busy. Currently, I work two jobs while putting myself through graduate school and I also worked full-time during my undergrad as well. In both cases, my advisors always told me, "You can't work and be in grad school. You just can't!" But you know what? I did and I am. It's not ideal, at all. But it's just the situation I am in, and I'm making It work. These are the cards I've been dealt in life. I'm not victimizing myself by any means. I'm strong because I'm self-reliant and I work my ass off. But, yes, I do internally roll my eyes on occasion when a fellow classmate of mine turns in late assignments or asks for extensions on their work when I know they don't have jobs and their only responsibility is going to class 3 nights a week. I know having a newborn is nothing like working or being in school. This is not some pipe dream I'm having. Bottom line is that I want what's best for my child. I want a good job with a secure future. That's why I want to do this.

Twinkie0612

I think it's possible, but would require a ton of support. 

My sister had my nephew our junior year of undergrad (we're twins).   He was born mid September and she stayed in school the fall semester.  A lot of things fell into place that helped her be able to do this.  First she had a complication free pregnancy and a relatively quick recovery from birth.  She only took 1-2 weeks off of school, part of which was due to my nephew having jaundice and ending up back in the hospital.  She lived at home where my parents watched my nephew while she was at school and her SO (now DH) was at work.  They also watched him while she studied or did homework.  I moved back home (I lived on campus) for a few weeks to drive her to and from school (45 minute drive) when she was still restricted from driving.  She also had understanding professors that were ok with her missing a few weeks and making up the work.

It took a lot of help from several people for her to be able to finish that semester. If a few things had gone differently (pregnancy compliations for example), I don't think she would have been able to stay in school that semester. I think for most people that may not have the extensive support system that my sister had, it would be very unlikely that they would have been able to stay in school that semester,

I had another friend who ended up dropping out for a semester because she had a baby.  Her baby was born several weeks premature and she couldn't be there for her baby and go to school at the same time.  She did end up going back and finishing her degree though.

cedge05

I say go for it!!!  When my son was 3 days old we took him to the pediatrician's office for his first appt and then went to the mall just to get out of the house for a bit.  We were already going stir crazy.  

As for studying, yes it will be difficult but it sounds like you have a very supportive DH.  Honestly, there is time when the baby is asleep that you can get work done.  And there's no shame in asking for help.  My sisters used to come and visit me right after I had my son.  While they were there they offered to fold laundry, do dishes, anything else I needed done while I had a break.  It can be done.  

And congrats on the master's degree.  I remember how relieved I felt when I finished mine.  

kennazebrowsky

Well anything can be done if you put your mind to it. I was a single mom of two under two and I went to school online. It was hard but I did it

SanRemo

After I gave birth to my dd, my brain must have frozen. I could hardly think straight. The added stress of having a newborn and not sleeping through the night was very tough on me. I forgot everything and made weird errors in judgement. This went on for about 2 months and then the fog lifted.

While I think it is great you are planning on this, give yourself an out just in case. I am a fairly high functioning person however baby brain just took over.

tinkerbell019

With enough support you will be able to handle it, of course it won't be easy - but it sounds like you have a good perspective on this already. I believe the light at the end of the tunnel - that you will only be one semester - away from graduation will be excellent motivation to keep you going.

I'm currently working on a doctorate program, most of the work is online, at this point I don't have any intentions of stopping. Of course, situations arise that are outside of our control and we have to handle them as they come. But with a good support system, it is possible. We have already discussed how we plan to handle my first returning residency, LO will be about 3 months old, we're determined to make it work.

rlyttle

It took me about a month to get back up and running. I know people do it sooner, but it is hard. If you plan to breastfeed that will be VERY difficult. I know when my DS was that young he didn't want anything to do with DH in the evening. That was his fussy time and it was very difficult to soothe him during the evening. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's going to be very tough. Can you just take that semester off? 

abb08

It's so interesting to see

FemShep

I think your friend is nuts.  Many women can't afford to miss three months of work.  For me, personally, we put our house on the market (with all of the decluttering and packing up that goes with that) 2 weeks after DD2 was born, I found us a new place to live, and we moved 6 weeks after LO was born.  

I had a c-section, and I breastfed DD2.  That said, except for her refusal to tolerate a car ride, she was a relatively easy baby, and unfortunately, there's no way to know what your LO will be like.

However, I had some great help from our families.  In addition to having your DH watch your LO, OP, I'd look at getting a cleaning service in and also bringing in a babysitter a few times a week.  If you live close to family, you'll probably find it to be a huge help to have your mom or MIL watch LO a few times a week so you can study.

You can do this, certainly, but plan ahead as much as possible.  Speak with your professors about possible make up work and projects.  Bring in as much outside help as you can.  Good luck!

Chichigo

Can you get a syllabus in advance, and begin at least the readings over the summer?

AngelinaMichael9042015

I can. The thing is that my coursework isn't the hardest work in the world. It's all actually quite easy material. We take no real exams in any of my courses. Instead, we do a lot of short paper and long paper writing. I'm just concerned that once my program learns that I'm pregnant, they might kick me out or try to whittle me out of the cohort. I don't know my schools rule about medical leave or if pregnancy is even covered under medical leave. I do know that, last semester, a fella in my cohort missed over half of the classes due to a medical emergency. No joke, he missed about 75% of class time. I guess he was in the hospital and had a doctors note for it. He was able to pass the class just fine. I don't know if they will do the same for pregnant women.

flyinmommy

As women we are amazing! Never under estimate yourself. I had two of my babies while I was in grad school and made it work. I wont tell a lie, it was busy and I had a few moments of break downs, but I got through it and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.
Profs are more understanding at that level and you may find you get more support and encouragement than you think.

normandyn7

It's totally possible. I had my son last September. I had just started my graduate program for mental health counseling. You can miss one class per course so I had my son on a Friday, missed my Tuesday class, then was back the following Tuesday. So my son was a little over a week old when I went back. It is definitely hard, but doable. I only go to school one night a week, 6pm-8pm. Plus I work 3 nights a week. I'm busy but I've been determined to get my Masters since that was my goal before I got pregnant. You will know better than anyone else what is best for you. Of course there are things that can happen before and during birth that can mess things up. Since I had a naturally birth with no complications I was good to go. I had a back up plan though just in case. Good luck!

shutaff

I am in grad school for English right now, but I graduate in May and will have the baby in September. I know that graduate programs in education are generally not as rigorous as some other programs (I used to teach high school and have a lot of friends/co-workers who were doing their masters at the same time as teaching full time), but I would advise against taking on too much. Why not take a semester off so you can enjoy your time with your newborn and then fully apply yourself to school in the spring semester? I think you would be wearing yourself thin and causing unneeded stress by trying to take on too much at once. It would be different if you were considering a job that you could go to and then come home and forget about, but reading and papers require a lot of time and concentration at home. You would not be able to separate those spheres of your life, and I worry that it would take away some of the joy of being with your newborn. I know that I would rather give one thing my all than halfway do two things. If it is at all possible, take a semester off. In a few years, graduating a few months later will be insignificant, but you can't make up those missed months with your baby.

Raclla

I was in the middle of a term when I had DD.  I was only taking ONE class, and it was an online, undergraduate class.  It was hard.  I don't remember a thing about the class.  I remember I had to write a substantial paper at the end of the term.  I was exhausted. It really took a toll on my and my H.  

That being said...perhaps you can take fewer classes.  Maybe take only one class and finish the rest the next term.  

yeah.

ridiculousness on both sides.

You can, of course, go out before 3 months. I went back to work at 7 weeks. It's doable.

But it's not going to be easy leaving for 3-4 hours a night. If your baby doesn't take a bottle, you['re screwed. You will have to pump every 2 hours - what's your plan?

Pintobean39

Is it possible .... Yes. If all the stars line up. I had a friend that had her 3rd child while in Nursing school and only took 1 week off. She had an uneventful delivery and bounced right back. It doesn't always work like that.

I was in college with my first who was due the end of September and I had planned to stay in school that semester but I was hospitalized for a week at the end of August and had to drop out that semester. I had an uneventful delivery, no stitches, and recovered quickly but it was the kidney problems that kept me out of school. Just be prepared because things can change in the blink of an eye and you may have to drop out.

ETA: I went back to work when my second son was 4 weeks so yes you can leave the house before 3 months. Then again I never had a c section or ever have stitches.

Speshul

My cousin had 2 kids during college and managed to do it. The second one was in NICU for a while. I think she kept in touch with her teachers and worked something out. She also BFed during this time. It was very impressive. She had some help but not much. It won't be easy. You may want to take a semester off so you can enjoy the early stages with LO.

SpaceGirlSpiff

I had my son in Sept 2011... at the time I worked full time and was attending school part time (upper-division undergrad, Accounting major).  Since I had no clue what I was in for and was going to be working at home as well, I played it safe and took that fall semester and the next spring semester off (and also the summer), so that my son would be closer to 1 when I went back.  It worked out well that way.

However I did work at home full time, pretty much since bringing DS home (no real maternity leave) and based on how hard that was, there is no way in hell I can imagine surviving college work during those first few months.  It's not true that you're confined to your house or it takes that long to heal, but as a FTM that is a MESS of a time, more often than not.  I survived, but barely...it's a blur of negativity for me, and I did not get to enjoy those months.  I eventually got the swing of things, and I ended up working at home full time for the first 18 months of DS's life (NOT Recommended by the way, but that was our situation)... but those first few months -- Try to be as easy on yourself as possible!!

Every situation is different, and no it's not IMPOSSIBLE, and yes it's true newborns sleep alot -- I can do the work at home thing much easier with an immobile newborn or infant than I can a toddler (THAT is damn near impossible).... BUT, since it is so unknown and you're a first-timer I find it may be best to play things safe.  If I were you and it was an option, I would take at least that semester off.... see how that goes.  If you feel confident starting up again in the spring, then great.

afk2013

I got my master's starting when DD was a year old.  I worked 60 hours a week, had classes on weekends, and did coursework during the week.  I would have NEVER done it immediately after giving birth.  I went back to work at 6 weeks, but the first few months are extremely difficult.  You're battling baby blues, sleep deprivation, and your entire life changes.  It's hard enough of a transition without the added stress.  Could I have done it?  Sure.  But I would rather take the time to bond with my baby, transition my family, and figure out my new life.  It was hard enough on my family and marriage going to grad school when she was a year old, let alone having a full semester right after she was born.