WWYD about Smokers?

RedSaffron

These past couple of weeks since I gave birth my mom has been coming over to my house to help take care of me and DD. SO works so she has helped me with cooking, laundry, and letting me rest while watching DD. The problem: she smokes, but she smokes outside and I make sure she washes her hands after she is done.. I didn't notice the smell, but SO comes home and immediately becomes upset. I honestly didn't know why and after my mom left, he tells me our room stinks of tobacco and blames me and my mom for putting DD at risk for getting sick. I called my mom and told her the situation and she told me that she won't be coming down to help anymore since it bothered SO so much.. I'm so exhausted and mentally tired, I need your help on a second opinion or your thought on this situation.

amt0312

I was just trying to look this up because DH has the occasional cigarette and I was wondering about the effects. I'm pretty sure they are minimal if its third hand exposure. I honestly would just accept the help from your mom and talk to your SO about the need for help being greater than the smoking issue. 

My mom smoked throughout all of her pregnancies, breastfeeding and in the house while we were growing up and we all turned out ok. I'm not saying what she did was ok, but in your instance, your mom's smoking is pretty far removed from the baby directly inhaling cigarette smoke. Perhaps she can have a dedicated jacket and hat that she puts on to smoke and leaves outside and just have her not hold the baby for 30 minutes afterwards so she isn't breathing all over LO. 

Lena122

Having her change her shirt after smoking should help.

joshsmandy

I'm so sorry your in that situation. I agree with the others, I would accept the help. It sounds like your mom is taking the necessary precautions to not put her grand baby at risk. My mom also smoked, never in the house and she always washed her hands and would use body spray and breathe mints, not sure if it really helped but my kids never had anything come of it. Good luck

RedSaffron

Thank you everyone for your support and input. We'll see how today goes without her and if I really need the help in the end, I will discuss it with the both of them.

kteeswei

My mom does too and honestly I don't think it's a big deal. I've read the risks and I'm comfortable with her visiting. She'd need to shower and change her clothes to avoid third hand smoke and that's not going to happen. My sanity is so much more important right now, for me and my LO

holly142

At my school, teachers that smoke are required to have a dedicated jacket that they smoke in and then they leave it in their car.  Plus they have to wash their hands when they come inside.  This seems to help with the smell.  I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, so I understand how your SO feels.  However, I think having help at this stage is very important!  Good luck!

bnik

I told my mom no smoking when she visits. I don't even want her clothes smelling like it

[Deleted User]

My mil smokes. She knows to take a shower and wear clean clothes when she comes over and she won't smoke until after she visits us. It might be a little extreme but I have a preemie here and we were lectured over and over how much smoke can affect him.

cnctf

Awww shucks, I'm sorry you're going thru this. You could of totally vented to me! I know what you mean though since my mom smokes. She smokes outside also, but if she steps into my room, I can smell it on her. It bothers me and since Chris is home right now to help, I haven't needed her much. We shall see how it goes after this weekend. I know how much your mom helps you so I really hope he can understand. Lmk what happens. Thinking of you!

RedSaffron

@cnctf Girl, you just gave birth lol you don't have time for my dramas haha. But thank you for understanding. I'm hoping things cool down for both of them and we can move on from there.

Chuckaluck315

I kept a light robe next to the door so they could put it on over their regular clothes. Then I asked them to wash their hands when they came in. Wash the robe frequently if they are over often. I think it's neat that your husband is so concerned but remember it's not him that is missing out on the help! If not having her there creates stress for you then it is ok to take precautions and do what's best for your family.