I'm new to posting but I need some future SIL advice please!

kburbano

Hi ladies! I'm 7weeks today and my first visit in one week. We were hoping to announce to family shortly after this appointment as long as all goes well.  My concern is that my future SIL is having her bridal shower (which I am required to attend) in just a couple weeks.  I'm concerned that if I say something before her shower that it will seem like I'm trying to take the attention away from her. I'd like to at least tell my mom soon but she can't really keep things quiet.  Do you think it's best that I wait until after her shower to keep the peace? Please help!

an02102

I have never understood the whole if I announce I will be taking the attention away from other people thing.  I think if you announce sooner rather then closer to the shower it will be old news.  Don't announce at the shower.  That would be a no no.  But really the attention will be on the bride and a few people may come up to you and congratulate you, but besides that keep the focus on the bride you will be fine. 

kburbano

Thank you for that. I wouldn't announce at the shower I just know the kind of person she is and she is probably going to be annoyed either way.  

an02102

I think if you don't make it about you and if people say congrats say thanks and go back to other topics.  Your SIL will be so busy with people at the shower she probably won't even notice and most of the attention will be on her.  I think showers are a time where many people get together that might not see each other often so I feel like a lot of catch up conversations go on anyways especially while eating.  So I wouldn't worry about it.

bumpuser5078523

My SIL can be like this. I would wait to announce if you feel that's best. Especially if your mom can't keep a secret. Once people know, that's all they are going to talk about. You don't want everyone asking about your baby at the shower, trust me, it's super awkward.

kburbano

That really helps! Thank you for the advice. First time mom here so I'm still trying to figure this all out

MMason12

I really do not get the "I don't want to steal someone's thunder" issue.  Just because someone is getting married or having a baby does not mean that no one else they know can get married or a have a baby. You have a life, she has a life, and neither one of you should plan your lives around each other -- you should plan your life on what works best for you each individually. 

As long as you are not at her baby shower only talking to people about your pregnancy you'll be just fine! Edited to add: If someone does come up and say something just say "thank you, but we're here to celebrate xxx!" People will get the hint that you are not down with talking about the pregnancy and they will refocus to the Bride. 

Announce when you want -- before hand and hopefully she won't go bat$hit on you.  But women be crazy.  I say that because my younger COUSIN got engaged and after a year -- still not married only engaged -- I got engaged. She was enraged that I would steal her wedding thunder and get engaged before she got married. WTF?! I didn't realize no one else in our entire extended family could get engaged throughout your 1.5, almost 2, year engagement. **Major eye roll*

KAYJAYBABAY

You're the only one that truly knows your SIL, however I have to agree with the first comment.  As long as it's not really close to the shower (day before/day of) then do what you want to do!  Just don't go prancing around her shower rubbing your belly and being obnoxious haha

brachysira

I think you should wait.  It is better to give it a little time anyway, because you won't be past the riskiest part yet.  And if your mom can't quit telling people, that's a lot of people you will have to explain to if something does go wrong.  Plus, it will likely take away from SIL b/c not everyone at the shower will probably know, so people will be chatting there and just find out, and will then want to congratulate you and find out all the details.  Babies are more fun for a lot of people than weddings, so while people should be asking your SIL what her dress is like, they will be asking you if you want a boy or a girl.  I agree with PPs that you can't always hold off on your news just to  let someone else feel important, but since it sounds like perhaps you don't see these people all that often, the shower should be about your SIL.

MrsAce3

My sister announced her pregnancy at my bridal shower...the one my MIL threw with members of husbands family. It was a little awkward. I've grown up knowing that she needs the attention at all times, so it didn't bother me, but it bugged my MIL. Clearly, I think it's nice that you are considering her feelings I'd wait. I thought about announcing it at my nephews birthday to get even, but I'm not that person! Plus it's my birthday too!

lily8543

Personally, I would wait until after the shower. Some ppl get really territorial with their "big news", as immature as that is. And you will be family with this girl, so I'd rather not take a chance.

mrsdanielleM2010

I totally get this, as my SIL is an "all about me" princess type. She's engaged but the wedding isn't until 10/2015, and one of her reactions to this baby was that I'll have a year to get in shape for her pictures. If your SIL is like mine, I'd wait until after her shower so that she can't twist anything as being done to her on purpose.

kenshiela

I say after the shower you're gna be what? 9-10 weeks that time? u can show her a better and a clearer pic of your ultrasound! RUB IT IN!! SHOW HER WHO's THE BOSS!! haha jk!!

FloridaSun82

I would also say after the shower, just because I think it could still be a little early to tell people - but that's just my opinion. I'm wondering when the wedding is, though. If the wedding is close, it might be better to "steal the thunder" of the bridal shower then the thunder of the wedding. 

kburbano

The wedding is in May. I'm not concerned about that because I'll be about 5 months along by then and everyone will already know. I've pretty much avoided my family because I don't want them to think something is up with the way I'm eating and growing in some areas so I'd like to say something before they figure it out on their own.  But waiting until after is probably best.  She's already a pain and I don't need anything to any more uncomfortable than it already is. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to go. 

rebennett06

crystalangel79 said:

Btw... Both SIL and I are pg at the same time. She is 3.5 months ahead. We are both thrilled for each other and neither of us feel slighted or like thunder is being stolen. Redic!

THIS! My SIL and I are both pg at the same time too!! She is two months ahead and we couldn't be more happy that we will have kids the same age!!