I'm feeling so defeated.

Tylynngrace

We are currently on day 89 of our nicu stay and the only thing left to do is work on bottle feeding. We're two days past his due date and we've been working on PO feeding for a month. He's starting to get it but he only eats some of his cares times, other times he gets it through his tube. The frustrating part isn't that he isn't getting it but the fact that he won't eat for me. He eats for my H and the nurses but refuses to eat for me. Sometimes he'll take a couple mL's for me but it's not often. I don't know if he doesn't like how I hold him or if he's just too comfortable with me but it's really got me upset. My H works full time so I don't understand how he's going to be fed 8+ hours a day if he won't eat for me. Anyone else experience this? Or have any tips?

DrRx

I'm sorry you are feeling so down.  When you are at the tail end of the NICU journey, time seems to just inch along.  My daughter spent 83 days in the NICU and feeding was our last hurdle. 

Have you been able to ask the nurses to give you some pointers, such as which nipple flow to use, rubbing under his chin, turning the bottle around in his mouth?  One thing that helped us towards the end was that Adalyn would cluster feed--she would want to eat a ton in the afternoon and evenings and not so much in the mornings. Our neos allowed us to try a modified ad lib feeding, where she just had to have a certain amount of MLs in a 12-hour period.  So, if she didn't quite drink 30 ml at one care session, then she could try and eat more and "makeup" in a later session.  Think about it--do you eat the same amount of food throughout the day?  Someone on the board suggested that to me and it prompted me to ask the neos if we could try it. 

[Deleted User]

I found that my son felt my anxiety when I was trying to feed him in the NICU. It was the oddest thing. When i relaxed and didnt put too much pressure on us, he did ok. It was also frustrating because each nurse had a different way of feeding him and gave conflicting pointers. I would just say that you take your time, relax and do what works for you two. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Some days he will eat a lot from the bottle and others, he can have a bad day. Hang in there, you WILL take him home soon!

LaciJaxx

It could be that he's actually too comfortable with you. It was happening to me, so the nurses had me hold him out away from me and more upright so he wasn't as comfortable. He would eat a bit and then fall asleep. But he'd eat a whole bottle for the nurses. Keep trying momma. It will all work out.

LaciJaxx

It could be that he's actually too comfortable with you. It was happening to me, so the nurses had me hold him out away from me and more upright so he wasn't as comfortable. He would eat a bit and then fall asleep. But he'd eat a whole bottle for the nurses. Keep trying momma. It will all work out.

Tylynngrace

I ask the nurses if there's other ways to hold him and I always try different ways but he doesn't really respond well to any of the ways I do it. I've also asked the ST and she's given me ways to help him and he still doesn't. Maybe I do need to relax more cause I feel like he can tell I'm frustrated. My emotions are just all over the place with him when I'm feeding him. One time I couldn't help but cry but that made him almost cry. I just don't know how to help him and it makes me feel awful.

nblondheim

One of my twins definitely eats better for the nurses and it is frustrating! I don't have any advice but I do understand! Hang in there!!!

LucyRicardo3

We are going through almost the same thing. We finally weaned off the cannula a few days ago and it seems like his PO feeds are worse than when he was on O2. But his small volumes are consistent, even with PT or developmental care feeding him. I've been allowed to try and nurse him a couple of times and his weight difference has only shown at most 10cc.
He just started meds for reflux this past weekend but it's apparent he's going to need stronger stuff. Probably going to have a swallow test later this week.
We are just having to go through the hoops for insurance to cover it all, and that's not helping my frustration. and then seeing our younger neighbors come and go isn't helping
Hugs!!!
Edit: I will add that another NICU mom I've befriended in our unit has twins. One is now home, the other is hoping to go next week. They've tried the ad lib style which is helping but he's still not quite to the total volume needed to get rid of the NG tube. The dr has he can go home with his NG tube and go through feeding therapies at home.

jbranden12

((hugs)) feeding was our hardest and longest battle as well. Hang in there. 

flerlgirl

This happened to me with my LO as well - he only ate for my H! So frustrating! They figured out that he was more comfortable with me, if that makes sense, so he just wanted to snuggle. As he got older it got better! Big hugs to you.

JEPES1348

Hugs; I feel for you. This is so frustrating, but he will get it. I remember the feeling of performance anxiety. Every 3 hours my LO had to "perform" and finish her bottle. We did switch to "shift minimums," or the amount she had to eat every 24 hours to get rid of the NG tube. Our Dr. kept ensuring me that once she gained more weight and got bigger, she'd start to normalize (for lack of a better word) and start to perceive the need to eat. He called it switching from feeding to eating. He was right in that her feeding picked up quickly and we ditched the tube, but kept the shift minimums for the remainder of our stay.

We also sat her up, held her a little away from my body, and partially undressed her to keep her cool and more awake. We'd tickle her feet when she started to doze, and would use the usual (rubbing her chin or cheeks, twirling the nipple in her mouth) techniques while feeding to keep her engaged.

There were feeds when she'd tucker out after 1/3 of her bottle for me and I'd cry, and her nurse would come in and know that I needed help. It was hard for me to let others feed her, because I felt that was my job, as a new parent and especially as a mother. However, the stress of her not eating as well for me was turning meal time into a negative experience for both of us. Once I let go a little and just focused on feeling content with how much she's eating, not who's feeding her, I relaxed a little. Fast forward a few months, and we're home, and she eats, and she grows, and she now prefers to take her bottles from Mommy

We also felt a huge sigh of relief and less pressure once we got home and we could sort of go by her schedule. Preemies still eat very regularly, but for example, if she was napping, we'd let her sleep and she might eat 3.5 to almost 4 hours after her last feed, and the next one she might eat 2 hours later if she seemed hungry, etc. We'd always write down how much she was eating and when, so we could track how many oz and calories she was getting each day, and it was always different, but generally (and slowly) trending upward. Going by the hospital hard and fast rules is so hard because it makes it seem like your LO isn't eating as expected. But, in all fairness, full term babies don't have an expected eating schedule, and preemies are the same way. Once your little guy bulks up a bit more, he'll start eating full bottles, and then some. Remember that 2, now 4, days past his due date is still a newborn.

ashleymarie512

LaciJaxx said:

It could be that he's actually too comfortable with you. It was happening to me, so the nurses had me hold him out away from me and more upright so he wasn't as comfortable. He would eat a bit and then fall asleep. But he'd eat a whole bottle for the nurses. Keep trying momma. It will all work out.

This was exactly how it was for us too. She'd eat like a rock star for the nurses and barely get half a bottle down before being fast asleep. Frustrating, but also somewhat comforting to think that she's most comfortable and relaxed with mama Hang in there! Once we started doing the ad lib feedings and we were given the ok to try PO feedings at every session, she didn't look back and we were home a couple days later. One day they just decide to do it!! It'll come Thinking of you!