SK and Cars

JessH1474

SS will be 13 in a couple of months and it's making me think ahead on what our plans will be when it's time to buy him a car.  We have some savings set aside for each child for this purpose, but we will expect that he contribute as well through his own savings and by working to pay the insurance and gas for the car.  BM feels that SS should not have to work at all while in high school, but we disagree.   For anyone that has already went through this, how did you/DH handle it with the BM/BD? 

 

Wahoo

Ok, I didn't go through with this, but....

1) SS is at least 3 years from being able to drive.  BM might change her mind in 3 years, and SS might WANT a job.

2) You can agree to pay for a car, but not to carry SS on your insurance or pay for his gas.  You can tell SS that he can get a job, or BM can pay those expenses.  Or SS can not have a car until he is ready to go to college (after HS is over). 

3) My parents didn't want me having a job during the school year (except for babysitting and a paper route), but I worked during the summer for spending money.  Is that something SS could do?  Unless he is a great baseball player or swimmer looking to get a scholarship, there is no reason why he can't work during the summer.  Even swimmers lifeguard during the summer.

JessH1474

@Wahoo The only thing SS is involved in right now is FFA in school which at this point doesn't take much of his time.  He doesn't play any sports.  I'm sure DH would be more understanding to not working during the school year if he had a crazy hectic schedule with other things that may help his future, but if that is not the case, he will want him to get a part time job just as we all had to do when we were in school to pay our vehicle expenses. If BM doesn't agree, then we will make it clear that we will contribute to the cost of the vehicle, and will be more than happy to reimburse him for gas if he drives to our house or back (we live about 1.5 hours from BM) but other than that, the rest will be between her and SS.  

SimpleJane

Wahoo said:

Ok, I didn't go through with this, but....

1) SS is at least 3 years from being able to drive.  BM might change her mind in 3 years, and SS might WANT a job.

2) You can agree to pay for a car, but not to carry SS on your insurance or pay for his gas.  You can tell SS that he can get a job, or BM can pay those expenses.  Or SS can not have a car until he is ready to go to college (after HS is over). 

3) My parents didn't want me having a job during the school year (except for babysitting and a paper route), but I worked during the summer for spending money.  Is that something SS could do?  Unless he is a great baseball player or swimmer looking to get a scholarship, there is no reason why he can't work during the summer.  Even swimmers lifeguard during the summer.

I think it might vary by state but my parents had to put me on their insurance since I was a licensed driver residing in their home. Even though I didn't have a car I still had to pay the increased insurance amount to drive their car. So it may not be an option to just not insure him until he can pay for it.

Ilumine

Driving is not a Right, but a priveliedge. If your (OP) SS's Mother isn't on the same page as you in regards to working or paying a portion of his car, then make your contribution reliant upon SS providing you with XX upfront. DH required SS to pay for his own insurance (well his portion of the increase to our insurance) but he did not ask for a whole year upfront like I HIGHLY suggested. SS had a job and then quit his job after only paying us for 1/4 of the year. Guess what our two options are? Pay for it upfront with a payment plan when SS finally gets another job or let SS feel the pain of no car and have to Drive his ass around u til he gets a job and makes enough to pay for his insurance upfront, And to be honest, this hard ass StepMothet is actually torn becuase I just cannot handle him or his attitude anymore, which is so counter productive to a kid who has never felt the consequences of his actions in his 18 years of his life ever.

+just+j+

I curious as to why she feels he shouldnt have to work in high school? Ten hours a week is enough to begin teaching them responsibility. I think she is foolish to believe and say this.

We bought our XSD a car. We paid the insurance. She had a job to pay for gas and other expenses.

I do not recommend this with a child who had entitlement issues. She abused this privelege and the car got taken away.

hopanka

I think a full time athlete should not have to work while in school....when you're varsity or traveling team, you can't even give an employer a viable availability anyway. But, if there is no activity after school, I don't see why a high schooler shouldn't be responsible for car expenses and have a part time job.

Nineoceans

I would not get him a car if he chooses not to have a job. Regardless of how Bm feels if he wants the car he needs to follow your rules if not then oh well.

JessH1474

I really don't get why BM doesn't want SS working either, but you never know, maybe by then she will see the light and realize that there is no reason why he couldn't be assuming the situation is the same then as it is now.

I totally agree that driving is a privilege and not a right and that is the way DH sees it.  He wasn't given a car by his parents when he turned 16.  He had to work to save up for his own vehicle and then pay all of his own expenses.  My thought is that BM and DH can split the cost of the vehicle and then SS can use his savings (if he doesn't get a job) to pay for his insurnace and gas.  Maybe once the savings starts to deplete, Burger King will look better and better...haha!

twister22

What kind of student is SS? Could he handle a job during the school year and maintain his good grades? A HS student's #1 focus should be their studies, not a job. However, colleges like to see work experience on applications. What about having SS work during the summers as a compromise?

FWIW, I didn't read the other posts.