Will you SAH after LO is born?

lizok22

I will be 37 when #2 is born.  We have been saving since i went back to work with #1 for me to Stay at home.  Since I am older and hopefully wiser, I would like to be a full time mom.   I have been in my career for 15 years now and I've seen a lot and been through a lot and it took us a long time to get here. I would like to spend as much time with my LOs as possible.  That being said, I have never not held a job in my life and I am nervous.  Winters inside make me stir crazy! 


Anyone else thinking of staying home?

MommyAtty

Not just no but heck no. I adore my daughter and I'm already totally in love with this little bean, but I am not cut out to stay at home. I admire women who can, but I know myself well enough to know I would be complete rubbish at that job. If any parent in our house stays at home, it'll be my husband, who earns a lot less than I do and is much more suited temperamentally for the job. (He wouldn't get competitive over whose kid potty-trained fastest, which is totally what staying at home would drive me to!)

lizok22

MommyAtty said:

Not just no but heck no. I adore my daughter and I'm already totally in love with this little bean, but I am not cut out to stay at home. I admire women who can, but I know myself well enough to know I would be complete rubbish at that job. If any parent in our house stays at home, it'll be my husband, who earns a lot less than I do and is much more suited temperamentally for the job. (He wouldn't get competitive over whose kid potty-trained fastest, which is totally what staying at home would drive me to!)

I will probably be competitive too! it will definetley be an adjustment after all these years of working but I feel like I am missing out on so much now.  I am constantly stressed and fighting with my husband.  the house is a mess and i am so tired.  plus I am no longer happy at my job.

QOTR

No, I'll be returning to work.  Not because I necessarily love it, but because I can't walk away from the salary.   Like MommyAtty, I think my husband would be better suited to stay at home anyway.   I am counting heavily on his patience and logic to carry us through this parenting gig! 

DTNZ4Ever

Nope. SAH is not for me. I am lucky and only work 4 days a week so I get Mondays with DS. I love him and I love our day together but I couldn't do if 4 more days a week. Most Tuesdays we are both happy about doing our own thing.

Ylvelill

Yep, for the first 3 years is the plan I am a preschool teacher so I think we will be okay!

zazu13

Yes, for the most part. I will to continue to pick up freelance / part time work (I'm an interpreter), but I will be quitting my permanent position. I will stay home for at least 6 months to a year then re-evaluate. Since I'm going to have 2 infants, I think that the amount of money I'd bring home after paying day care would be a wash. I do look forward to returning to my career eventually though. 

springbeduk2

Not with this one ... at least according to current plan.  We hope to try for a 2nd and giving up health insurance (mine is better than DH's even though his salary is much better than mine) as well as my salary with that in the plans seems too way too scary.  Plus I'm not quite ready to take that leap.  I have fantasies of staying home later - if we are lucky enough to have a 2nd soonish (2 years or so) but really I have to see if just being home for maternity leave and the summer makes me stir crazy.  I am not much of a home-maker type and do not do well with unstructured time ... like, I kindof get depressed by the end of school vacation weeks because I have plans of what I will get done during the week but I'm a total procrastinator so it never happens and then I just have guilt.  I don't know if taking care of a baby/child will be enough structure to keep me going properly.  I hope so, but also know that is likely not so realistic.  This summer will be the first summer since sometime in high school when I haven't worked, even though I'm a teacher (I've taught at a residential academic summer program for the last 18 or 19 summers so haven't even been home for big chunks of all those summers!) so am hoping that experience this summer will help me see if being a SAHM could ever work for me if we could get the $ to work out in the future.  I also have fantasies of changing to a job that is really 35 or 40 hours a week (or less even) and leave it there rather than teaching which just takes over my life.  But then again I love teaching, and changing jobs in your 40s is not so easy.  And being on a school schedule instead of a "regular job" schedule certainly has advantages as a parent.  Getting a job much closer to home would also help but that's not so easy either.   So...  ???    Lots of things to figure out down the road!  So much for the "older and wiser" thing!  

olenkapdx

No...I am the main breadwinner (which isn't even saying much...) so I can't stay home.  If possible I will take an extra month of maternity leave (since I do have some $$ save up for that at least).  SO is going to scale back his work hours slightly so he can stay home an extra day and do baby care.  SO and I both will be working at home part of the time too, so it's likely that our LO will be in day care at most 2 days a week. 

julestony

I'll be going into the office two shorter says a week and work from home three days a week. My boss is supportive, but a bit nervous, I think, until he sees it in action.

lizok22

If my job gave me an option for part time I would do it but i've asked and they don't.  I also commute over an hour each way on a very expensive train ride.

NicoleWI

I'm lurking over here but yes, I am staying home starting in two weeks! Baby #3 just turned one in December. I have been at my job almost 12 years and it's been wonderful in many ways, so I have felt very conflicted, but I just felt like things at home were TOO crazy. Too tired, too stressed, DH is gone a lot in the evenings, everything is a mess all the time, and I was too far away (35 to 40 minutes) to easily attend school events and that sort of thing, which will only grow over time. So yes, I am taking the plunge, and I totally understand the tough choice it is. I just keep telling myself that if it doesn't work out, I can go back to work in a year or so, and at least I'll not wonder how things would have been, or feel like I missed my chance to try a different way of life. I've been in a planned transition at work now for several months and have gone through all different feelings, but now as the actual change approaches I am excited and glad to have this opportunity to take a different path for awhile.

Beachgal72

I am not sure what type of business you are in but maybe you could find a way to work from home? It seems like home offices are becoming more and more common at least in my field (advertising/marketing). I have been working from home for 3 years now, so I'll be SAH but still working.

NicoleWI

PS No offense to people with one kid, b/c I know that anytime you have a baby things are busy, but I think a lot changes when you add more than one child, and it makes the decision to SAH more...likely? Not sure what the right word is. I guess it heightens all the issues that lead anyone to think about staying home and makes people who might previously have thought "never," consider SAH.

Jellybean71514

I've been in my career over 15yrs I've traveled the world and make a really good salary more than my fiancé but in hindsight I am out of the house about 13hrs a day my commute is on average 1 1/2hrs, many days require late nights and there's always travel a few weeks a year overseas ...so all of that said and knowing I've waited so long to be a mom I don't want to be the weekend kind of mom i would have to be by keeping this job- thoughts right now are to quit and explore other things ...so I am not looking to be home full time but definitely a significant change in salary and also a more flex schedule less hours and hoping closer to home- i would love to do what I do from home but unfortunately the opportunities aren't there for my trade-

ladylisalt

I give all you ladies lots of credit that work from home. My DS who is 2.5 wants my attention all the time. Besides his nap time and an occasional toy that distracts him I would be more distracted working from home.

I can't be a SAHM I carry the benefits and I am also the breadwinner. Not sure that I would ever want to be home full time. I think if I could work 2-3 full time days a week that would be my perfect world.

@springbeduk2..I am also a teacher and have to say this summer was LONG with my 2 year old. I loved it and was so happy to have that time with him but there were days that I felt like I couldn't do this all the time. I need more structure too. The only downside to all of this, is that they grow up so fast and I know I will miss not having all the possible time with LO's that I could. 

2redtulips

I work from home as a freelancer, so yes and no. I will probably work three days a week and have the baby in daycare for those days (maybe not even full days - I am researching options now). The other days, I will be on mom duty. 

To @MommyAtty 's point, I know several stay-at-home dads, and it works out great for those families. I think each couple has to decide what makes the most sense for them in terms of both needs AND wants. 

lizok22

I just laughed out loud to think of my husband being a stay-at-home dad.  He is just not the type at all! he would lose it very fast.

Lena76

@lizok22- I was just about to write a similar post. I'm 37 and #2 is due in August. I have a wonderful job but it's very inflexible. I've decided to leave it so I can be home. LO #1 will be starting kindergarden and I want to be able to volunteer at his school. Basically I want to be the kind of mom I had. I plan to do something part time in a few years.

Krisd6

I would love to but no, I will be going back to work

I am looking forward to a 4 month maternity leave.

dannie2011

I'm already a SAHM, and will continue to be till school age.

dragonfly711

I would love to when my little one is small but we can't afford it.  I will be 40 next week but financially we can't have one income.  Depending on if I can find a teaching job closer to home will depend on if one of us will have to work nights or not.  If it is me I will have to go back to working at one of the Animal Emergency Clinics.  

SurpriseAt39

I'm in Canada and get 1 year maternity leave partially payed. 

For that reason, I will be SAH for a year. (Depending on childcare, possibly longer, but probably not)

If it wasn't partially paid, I 'might' go back to work sooner. 

I like my current job, but when I return to work, I will likely be assigned to a different department. 

If that sucks, I might look elsewhere for employment, or just stay home. 

lizok22

500+ is nothing.  for 2 in daycare in NY it would be 2400.

ladylisalt

lizok22 said:

500+ is nothing.  for 2 in daycare in NY it would be 2400.

Thats what it costs for 2 in Boston. If def. depends on your area.

lizok22

Muffinhny said:

I am guessing that also goes along with the wage/cost of living in your area..

 

One in the same.

for some people it is but for me...well its basically my whole monthly paycheck.  sometimes i feel like I get really ripped off here! i could buy 2 houses anywhere else for what we paid for our one tiny one. sigh, but i love NY, all my family is here. price of admission.

Ear1201

I am a teacher and I love what I do.  For a minute I thought about staying home, but I do feel like I have the best of both worlds.  My children will go to the school I teach in as well, so that will be a bonus.

Ilumine

I'm SAHM because of my location just does not have the job employment possibilities to make it worth it.  

Heck, before I had my DD, 5 years ago, I could only find one job that paid me $11 an hour. And since this is a very military area, even though the civilian wage base is low, the Military Wage base has inflated child care costs.  

So we are waiting until Kindergarten.  And even then, before and after daycare is expensive.  I would have to find a job that would make it worth it. 

Gamera3000

I'm disabled, but in grad school. I plan to work on my thesis part time and then also slowly work on my phd.

I'm not traditional at all, but I'm really looking forward to concentrating on regular family things and not self actualization.