Not sure what to think...etiquette question

ceamac0127

So speaking of all these first birthdays coming up ( whaaaat? I still can't believe it) We got an invite for one of H's co workers kids first birthday and it said at the bottom "Bailey is registered at buy buy baby for all her birthday goodies!"

Now, on one hand I think its genius of the parents. They won't get any un wanted toys and it looked like they registered for things they would probably buy anyways (a lot of summer toys, a wagon, etc) but on the other hand.....is that even something people do?? I might be one of the super ignorant naive people who don't know anything about first birthdays but that seems a little much.

What do you think?  

JSS1002

Tack-o-rama.

ChicagoBroad26

I think it's super tacky to put it on the invite. However, my cousin has an ongoing amazon wish list for her two kids and I love it because then I always know what to get them for birthdays and Christmas. I think it's a situation where it's fine to have one and to give the info if people ask, but a huge no-no on the invite.

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Sol1790

I would not do it myself like PP it's too tacky but having had lots of parties for my younger siblings,on their invitations we put the size they are wearing. Maybe it's my family but we never get a gift with a gift receipt. So that's why we do it. Plan on doing that with Jaz too.

Erin10408

Tacky as a mf.

kgs0505

My first impression was that it was tacky and rude to put right on the invite.  But, like a lot of others, I like having a list provided of what is wanted/needed.  Makes things so much easier.  I don't think I'd put it on the invite though.  Maybe if people asked, I'd just direct them to the list.  I love the amazon wish list idea.  I think I'm going to start one for my kids!  Heck, i need a list to keep track of my own ideas for my kids.

pinottoparenthood

I was gonna say something similar to @chicagobroad26 . I think it's okay to HAVE a wishlist, but I wouldn't mention it unless someone specifically asks what they should get/what he wants. (aka what I want for him, ha)

ceamac0127

thanks to everyone for mentioning the wish list, that's all I have gotten accomplished at work today

Gracious1014

I think it's tacky as all heck, but like many others, I have an Amazon wishlist going for my LO that I direct people to when they ask for gift ideas. It was super handy around Christmas and everyone liked having a list to go off of. I would never put it on an invitation though.

evertz

I like the idea of having a wishlist available if anyone asks.. but I don't think I'd put it on the invite.

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MsAmeera25

So i'm curious ladies if everyone likes the direction of having the wish lists etc why not have it on the invite? Is it kind of a it's tacky as a just because that's the rule we have always been taught type of thing? Nowadays all the stores are pushing for birthday registries and wish lists. I actually just got a flyer from TRU, and BuyBuyBaby about registering for the 1st bday. So it everyone likes it why is it so tacky? I personally wouldn't do it because I like the surprise of getting a gift I had no idea about but I wouldn't side eye it.

pinottoparenthood

MsAmeera25 said:

So i'm curious ladies if everyone likes the direction of having the wish lists etc why not have it on the invite? Is it kind of a it's tacky as a just because that's the rule we have always been taught type of thing? Nowadays all the stores are pushing for birthday registries and wish lists. I actually just got a flyer from TRU, and BuyBuyBaby about registering for the 1st bday. So it everyone likes it why is it so tacky? I personally wouldn't do it because I like the surprise of getting a gift I had no idea about but I wouldn't side eye it.

I think it's just an etiquette/manners kind of thing. You're right... maybe it's a little silly that we like the wish lists and yet would side eye an announced registry... but I think it's just going along with established societal norms that say it's rude to insinuate that someone should buy you something. I do think that someone actively coming to you and asking what your child wants is different from sending out an invite with a link basically requesting a gift to everyone who is inviting. Again, although most people will probably bring a gift, it's just kind of rude to ask. Maybe over time this viewpoint will change.

JSS1002

pinottoparenthood said:

MsAmeera25 said:

So i'm curious ladies if everyone likes the direction of having the wish lists etc why not have it on the invite? Is it kind of a it's tacky as a just because that's the rule we have always been taught type of thing? Nowadays all the stores are pushing for birthday registries and wish lists. I actually just got a flyer from TRU, and BuyBuyBaby about registering for the 1st bday. So it everyone likes it why is it so tacky? I personally wouldn't do it because I like the surprise of getting a gift I had no idea about but I wouldn't side eye it.

I think it's just an etiquette/manners kind of thing. You're right... maybe it's a little silly that we like the wish lists and yet would side eye an announced registry... but I think it's just going along with established societal norms that say it's rude to insinuate that someone should buy you something. I do think that someone actively coming to you and asking what your child wants is different from sending out an invite with a link basically requesting a gift to everyone who is inviting. Again, although most people will probably bring a gift, it's just kind of rude to ask. Maybe over time this viewpoint will change.

Because proper etiquette is that you are not expected to bring a gift to a party -- proper etiquette also states that you SHOULD bring a gift to a party, but it should be of your choosing, and shouldn't be expected, requested, or directed.

It is the same with weddings - you can indicate where you are registered if people ask, but very poor form to put it on the invitation. 

MsAmeera25

JSS1002 said:

pinottoparenthood said:

MsAmeera25 said:

So i'm curious ladies if everyone likes the direction of having the wish lists etc why not have it on the invite? Is it kind of a it's tacky as a just because that's the rule we have always been taught type of thing? Nowadays all the stores are pushing for birthday registries and wish lists. I actually just got a flyer from TRU, and BuyBuyBaby about registering for the 1st bday. So it everyone likes it why is it so tacky? I personally wouldn't do it because I like the surprise of getting a gift I had no idea about but I wouldn't side eye it.

I think it's just an etiquette/manners kind of thing. You're right... maybe it's a little silly that we like the wish lists and yet would side eye an announced registry... but I think it's just going along with established societal norms that say it's rude to insinuate that someone should buy you something. I do think that someone actively coming to you and asking what your child wants is different from sending out an invite with a link basically requesting a gift to everyone who is inviting. Again, although most people will probably bring a gift, it's just kind of rude to ask. Maybe over time this viewpoint will change.

Because proper etiquette is that you are not expected to bring a gift to a party -- proper etiquette also states that you SHOULD bring a gift to a party, but it should be of your choosing, and shouldn't be expected, requested, or directed.

It is the same with weddings - you can indicate where you are registered if people ask, but very poor form to put it on the invitation. ;;

I totally understand what proper ettiquete states i'm just saying it seems like everyone "likes" the registry/wishlist idea but we don't do it because it technically isn't proper. Who gets to decide what is proper if not us.

JSS1002

MsAmeera25 said:

pinottoparenthood said:

MsAmeera25 said:

So i'm curious ladies if everyone likes the direction of having the wish lists etc why not have it on the invite? Is it kind of a it's tacky as a just because that's the rule we have always been taught type of thing? Nowadays all the stores are pushing for birthday registries and wish lists. I actually just got a flyer from TRU, and BuyBuyBaby about registering for the 1st bday. So it everyone likes it why is it so tacky? I personally wouldn't do it because I like the surprise of getting a gift I had no idea about but I wouldn't side eye it.

I think it's just an etiquette/manners kind of thing. You're right... maybe it's a little silly that we like the wish lists and yet would side eye an announced registry... but I think it's just going along with established societal norms that say it's rude to insinuate that someone should buy you something. I do think that someone actively coming to you and asking what your child wants is different from sending out an invite with a link basically requesting a gift to everyone who is inviting. Again, although most people will probably bring a gift, it's just kind of rude to ask. Maybe over time this viewpoint will change.

Because proper etiquette is that you are not expected to bring a gift to a party -- proper etiquette also states that you SHOULD bring a gift to a party, but it should be of your choosing, and shouldn't be expected, requested, or directed.

It is the same with weddings - you can indicate where you are registered if people ask, but very poor form to put it on the invitation. ;;

I totally understand what proper ettiquete states i'm just saying it seems like everyone "likes" the registry/wishlist idea but we don't do it because it technically isn't proper. Who gets to decide what is proper if not us.

I think this goes way back to Emily Post.  But I think you can have a registry or a wish list or whatever you want - the point is not to provide it unless asked...anything assumes that you are "entitled" a gift.

megandscott07

It's totally rude.

pinottoparenthood

@saxchloe

Respectfully disagree... because unless someone asks about what your kid wants, they have no idea that the wishlist even exists. So no one is going to feel obligated to give your kid a gift unless they were already planning on giving your kid a gift anyway, hence asking. Also, there are other reasons to keep a wishlist... it's not exactly the same as a registry. You might keep it as a way to keep track of things you want to buy for your child yourself. It's not asking for gifts unless you purposefully give it out to people.

JSS1002

pinottoparenthood said:

@saxchloe

Respectfully disagree... because unless someone asks about what your kid wants, they have no idea that the wishlist even exists. So no one is going to feel obligated to give your kid a gift unless they were already planning on giving your kid a gift anyway, hence asking. Also, there are other reasons to keep a wishlist... it's not exactly the same as a registry. You might keep it as a way to keep track of things you want to buy for your child yourself. It's not asking for gifts unless you purposefully give it out to people.

Exactly.  Totally different to have ideas on hand than it is to basically send out a request for a gift and a specific gift, directly on an invitation.

JSS1002

saxchloe said:

@saxchloe

Respectfully disagree... because unless someone asks about what your kid wants, they have no idea that the wishlist even exists. So no one is going to feel obligated to give your kid a gift unless they were already planning on giving your kid a gift anyway, hence asking. Also, there are other reasons to keep a wishlist... it's not exactly the same as a registry. You might keep it as a way to keep track of things you want to buy for your child yourself. It's not asking for gifts unless you purposefully give it out to people.

Alright. It's not my cup of tea. I don't make lists of things to buy my child or things I want to buy her. The way I see it at 1 year your child legitimately wants nothing so what's the point!

Good point. I don't either, actually -- except I had a handful of ideas for Christmas.  But going back to the original question, I think it is tacky for any invitation (shower, birthday party, whatever), to state on it where the host is registered.  I think a birthday registry is pretty tacky in general, but that's just my personal opinion.

JSS1002

saxchloe said:

pinottoparenthood said:

@saxchloe

Respectfully disagree... because unless someone asks about what your kid wants, they have no idea that the wishlist even exists. So no one is going to feel obligated to give your kid a gift unless they were already planning on giving your kid a gift anyway, hence asking. Also, there are other reasons to keep a wishlist... it's not exactly the same as a registry. You might keep it as a way to keep track of things you want to buy for your child yourself. It's not asking for gifts unless you purposefully give it out to people.

Exactly.  Totally different to have ideas on hand than it is to basically send out a request for a gift and a specific gift, directly on an invitation.

I know most people on here share that same mind set too. I think the only difference is you didn't directly write on the invitation. That being said I'm not a big gift person.... I had a very small baby shower and at Christmas I asked our family to not bother really getting much for her because she didn't know it was Christmas. I plan on doing the same for her first birthday. I don't think there is a point before they know what is going on. That's just my opinion and feeling ...

And I tend to agree with you.  But that difference is a big difference in the world of social graces... 

ClandestineX

MsAmeera25 said:

I totally understand what proper ettiquete states i'm just saying it seems like everyone "likes" the registry/wishlist idea but we don't do it because it technically isn't proper. Who gets to decide what is proper if not us.

This is where I am at as well. 

MIL, SIL, and my entire family has asked me what to get for Connor. My honest answer is always I don't know, you decide. Then they ask for my taste, I tell them I have no taste and whatever they get him is perfect. Not because I think it is tacky to tell them, because for one, I don't want to ask for something they cannot get for some sort of reason and then they would be embarrassed.. and two.. I believe that it is great to be exposed to different style things that I would otherwise probably pass.

I am also the type to not side eye someone asking for specific gifts or asking for no gifts. Different people were raised differently on how to act or procedure for parties such as weddings and birthdays. Unless of course we are talking about snobby women who like to dictate everything at all times.. that is another can of worms and totally different.

JSS1002

saxchloe said:

saxchloe said:

pinottoparenthood said:

@saxchloe

Respectfully disagree... because unless someone asks about what your kid wants, they have no idea that the wishlist even exists. So no one is going to feel obligated to give your kid a gift unless they were already planning on giving your kid a gift anyway, hence asking. Also, there are other reasons to keep a wishlist... it's not exactly the same as a registry. You might keep it as a way to keep track of things you want to buy for your child yourself. It's not asking for gifts unless you purposefully give it out to people.

Exactly.  Totally different to have ideas on hand than it is to basically send out a request for a gift and a specific gift, directly on an invitation.

I know most people on here share that same mind set too. I think the only difference is you didn't directly write on the invitation. That being said I'm not a big gift person.... I had a very small baby shower and at Christmas I asked our family to not bother really getting much for her because she didn't know it was Christmas. I plan on doing the same for her first birthday. I don't think there is a point before they know what is going on. That's just my opinion and feeling ...

And I tend to agree with you.  But that difference is a big difference in the world of social graces... 

...sure if that makes people feel better while making their wish list.

It isn't supposed to make the people making the list feel better. The purpose of etiquette rules is to avoid alienating the guests or recipients of your invitation.  Sorry, I worked as an event planner for a long time and this stuff really does help to mitigate uncomfortable situations and feelings and awkward conversations!

pinottoparenthood

saxchloe said:

saxchloe said:

pinottoparenthood said:

@saxchloe

Respectfully disagree... because unless someone asks about what your kid wants, they have no idea that the wishlist even exists. So no one is going to feel obligated to give your kid a gift unless they were already planning on giving your kid a gift anyway, hence asking. Also, there are other reasons to keep a wishlist... it's not exactly the same as a registry. You might keep it as a way to keep track of things you want to buy for your child yourself. It's not asking for gifts unless you purposefully give it out to people.

Exactly.  Totally different to have ideas on hand than it is to basically send out a request for a gift and a specific gift, directly on an invitation.

I know most people on here share that same mind set too. I think the only difference is you didn't directly write on the invitation. That being said I'm not a big gift person.... I had a very small baby shower and at Christmas I asked our family to not bother really getting much for her because she didn't know it was Christmas. I plan on doing the same for her first birthday. I don't think there is a point before they know what is going on. That's just my opinion and feeling ...

And I tend to agree with you.  But that difference is a big difference in the world of social graces... 

...sure if that makes people feel better while making their wish list.

I seriously don't understand your moral opposition to keeping an Amazon gift list for yourself. This makes no sense to me. 

JSS1002

I don't like the idea of it... It just doesn't appeal to me... My child doesn't need a gift list. It's fine if everyone else likes it... Sorry I'm not trying to make people who like the idea feel bad!

Again, that isn't really the question posed in the thread -- the question is whether or not it is tacky / bad etiquette to list a registry on a birthday party invitation.  And the answer is yes.  Yes it is.

woohoo02

I don't think it's terribly tacky ... my son, who's 9, has "registered" at Target now the past couple years for his birthday. It's easier for people to shop specifically for him because at his age, all he wants is Lego sets, and I am SO not keeping an ongoing list of what he has and doesn't have. He seriously has a floor to ceiling shelf FILLED with boxes, with more in his closet. So, I think people are appreciative when I can say, "well, here's his list on target.com" so they don't have to wonder what he already has.

For my daughter on the other hand -- a one year old doesn't need a registry/birthday list. She'll probably end up getting a ton of clothes anyway because I know my family members love shopping for little girl outfits.

I do like the idea of an Amazon wish list though -- so when holidays/birthdays come up, I don't draw a blank as to what we want/need.