I never thought I would have to go through this..(Kind of long and TMI)

ksz_3

I am so devastated. I never saw this coming. I ended up in the ER on Saturday because I started bleeding. It was a bad day to start with. DH and I had been arguing all day, lots of crying on my end, so I took a drive to my parents house to remove myself for the situation for a little while. When I came back home, I went to use the bathroom upstairs and there was some blood on my underwear and when I wiped. After that, it was gone. I started crying even more out of fear, went a laid down to calm down a bit. I debated about 5 min if I should go to the ER or not and decided to go. 

My BP was pretty high which very unusual...it's normally pretty low...but they did a transvaginal and transabdominal ultrasound on me only because I hadn't had one at the OB yet. I should have been 9w and 6d. They told me I only measured 6w and 2d, he didn't tell me if there was a heartbeat (which I know can be hard to find that early) or fetus, BUT everything looked fine. I tried telling the ER doc that I should be one day from 10w based on my LMP and he just told me to follow up with my OB. At that point I was relieved that he said everything looked okay but still had a feeling that something wasn't right...which lead to more crying all weekend anytime I thought about my baby. 

Today, I get to work and tried to move my OB appt from 01/28 to today and they didn't seem the least bit concerned that I had been bleeding on the weekend and was told to keep my appt for Tuesday afternoon. I know that it's only one day but I just needed to know what was going on. Fast forward through the office meeting, my coworker (who is 22 weeks pregnant) says to me "OMG what's wrong with your baby?!" which immediately started the water works. I'm assuming my manager mentioned something to her to say some "encouraging" words because she's had miscarriages before. I just couldn't stop crying, so I locked myself in the bathroom until I could get it together. I used the bathroom and saw that I started bleeding again. Que the tears. I call my OB again and told them that I needed to be seen ASAP and I wasn't going back to the ER which the lady suggested. I pretty much had to harass them to get my appt today. If I get pregnant again, I will not be returning to their office. Anywho, I get to my appt, the tech does a TVUS and says that she's measuring the same as the ER and the fetus never developed. So I had a missed MC. I hate that I'm still having some of the pregnancy symptoms. The only ones that I've noticed have changed are my boobs fit in my bra again and my back doesn't hurt anymore. 

The dr gave me the option to do a 3rd ultrasound on Friday, which we chose. But DH and I started thinking that if there hasn't been a difference between Saturday and today and there's no fetus or heartbeat, it's best to just let go and move on the best we can so I'll be cancelling my appt. The bleeding only seems to start when my BP is up and I've been crying which have been the two cases. He also gave me the options to do a D&C, pill, or naturally miscarry which we have yet to decide. I'm thinking of going with letting my body let go on it's own. 

I've been a complete mess today mess and I really need T&Ps right now ladies. I deeply sympathize with each and every one of you ladies and this is something that no one should ever have to go through. As long as I'm keeping myself distracting, I'm not crying. I'm somewhat thankful that I wasn't further along or I would have be a emotional wreck for a while.

ETA: Sorry if some of this doesn't make since. My head hurts right now.

kboydbowman

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear this.  I remember you from the August board and I'd saddened to see you over here.

I opted to allow my MMC to happen naturally and I'm glad I did.  From the sound of it, you may be starting naturally as well.  In addition to the lesser financials, it felt as if it were the right thing to do and made the experience of having been pregnant feel more real (this is not to knock people who chose D&C or miso, I am simply stating my own experience), as well as being able to have the remains to bury, which was important to me.  Whatever choice you make, we are here to support you.

Kalidawn523

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. What a traumatic weekend. You have my thoughts and prayers! I'll be praying for strength for you while you endure this. I'm there with you as I also found out yesterday that I miscarried. It's an aweful feeling. We can all support each other. ❤️

ksz_3

Thank you ladies for your support! It means alot. Thoughts and prayer for you all.

ksz_3

@kboydbowman  We've decided to give body a chance to miscarry naturally, but if I haven't by Sunday, we'll schedule the D&C. I want to try to move on as quickly as I can. I'm not sure that my body is going to let go on it's own being that I only start bleeding when I'm stressed. My job is closed for a snow day tomorrow and possibly Thursday...so I'm hoping it will happen in the comfort of my home and not at work.

dawnstar898

I remember you from August as well and I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I just found out today that I've had a second MMC.  This just sucks.  Big hugs to you and take care of yourself.  Good luck in the future!

ksz_3

Hi @dawnstar898 I had just finished reading your post. I'm so sorry you are going through this again. You're right, it's a sucky thing to have to go through. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family! Btw, I love your GIF. It made me smile!

aezimmerman

Sorry for your loss. I also had a missed miscarriage. I started spotting on a Saturday. I called the advice nurse hotline and they said it wasn't an issue unless it lasted more than a day. I was still spotting on that Monday so I went to the ER. They checked my HCG levels, which were fine, did a physical exam, my cervix was closed, and they did an u/s. The baby was measuring only 6 weeks. The doctor told me everything looked fine and that my due date was probably wrong. Three days later I have bright red bleeding and severe cramping. I go back to the ER and I am officially having a miscarriage. 

I think the worst part is the false hope. Why don't doctors listen when you tell them what you think your due date is?

I know you are having a tough time right now. I pretty much bawled my eyes out for a day or two. I just let myself be sad. You will find a way to help yourself heal, whether that is posting here, eating lots of ice cream, crying, etc. Hang in there.

ksz_3

@aezimmerman I'm so sorry for your loss as well. It's even harder when you were actively TTC so you know around the time your due date would have been. I'm at a weird sense of peace with God's decision and I've accepted it. I've done good today, was able to update my coworkers with what happened without crying...probably because I've cried all I can for now, but I know I'll have moments. They saw me at my absolute worst yesterday.