Baby shower today and I'm full of nerves.

Melissa72777

So today is my baby shower which is being hosted by my mom. The planning of the event was full of drama because my mom does not get along with my MIL and SIL. It's really her having some unexplainable feeling about DH's family trying to take me away from her. (I'm an only child and my stepdad passed away in November so I'm pretty much all she has now.) DH's family can be a little pushy when it comes to the whole "Now we should all be one big happy family since our kids got married" but they mean well. Anyway my mom refused to allow MIL or SIL to be involved in the planning of the shower other than to get a list of friends/relatives they wanted to invite and finally allowing them to get door prizes for the games (after MIL called DH to complain and I ended up begging my mom to give them something to do.) So after a bit all the drama had died down until yesterday. I was talking to my mom and she was saying she was going to reserve one of the tables for me, DH, her, and a few of my friends to sit at and everyone else can choose their own seats. I said that if she is reserving a table we should save seats for MIL & SIL cause I would assume they would want to sit with us too. Well she freaked & said she refuses to sit at a table with them and she will just go sit with her friends if anything. She actually sounded like she was about to cry over it. I told her not to reserve any tables and just let people sit wherever. Then I talked to her this morning and she says how she barely slept last night worrying about everything and having to see & deal with "those people" (meaning MIL & SIL). She actually said she can't wait till it's over. On top of all this I am on bed rest and quite honestly do not even feel like going because of my back pain and off and on contractions. I'm really hoping that things go smoothly and I can hold up through the whole 4 hours it's planned for. I'm hoping my mom doesn't make a scene and flip out on MIL or SIL for something stupid (which actually did happen on the night of our wedding, my mom almost slapped SIL across the table at the dinner after our ceremony, then my mom got upset with me when I told her she was being out of line.) It just sucks that I can't even look forward to it and have to go into it with a bunch of nerves.

QOTR

How dreadful.  I'm sorry that your Mom is having a hard time dealing with the loss of her husband, but she IS out of line.  Has she considered grief counseling?    The purpose of a shower is to welcome baby into their community of family (BOTH sides of the family) & friends and to shower the mom & dad with gifts and love.  She should be able to rise above herself for a day to honor that.   I'm sorry you have all of this stress on top of your health complications.   And I hope that she takes action to improve her outlook in terms of your in-laws or your stress will only continue for each holiday and birthday party for years to come.    I hope you enjoy your special day despite all of this mess.   Good luck!

rae_dylanzmom

So sorry to hear. How frustrating to have other people's drama to deal with when you really need to pour that energy into yourself and the LO.

Are your MIL and SIL understanding of your mom's situation? I'm not sure if that is the route to go,... but if your mom is especially sensitive, is there something they could do with their behavior to make it easier? Not that you'd want to make it their problem,... and I don't really like this idea now that it's on 'paper' ... just thinking out loud.

Grief counseling for your mom sounds like a good idea, but I know from my own family that you can't force people to do anything. Even when it's what they need.

Is there a heart to heart with your mom an option. To say, holding on so tightly, you're gonna lose me? That might be a longer term, relationship changing conversation,... and a little heavy for you at T - 1 month.
 
More realistic, maybe you could enlist a friend to help out during the shower? At my best friend's wedding, she asked me to keep an eye on her mom, who has a drinking problem. I think it helped her worry less, knowing that she'd delegated that worry to someone else.

GL!

Luna C

I'll be blunt: You need to tell your mom to get a grip -- it sounds like this behavior predates your stepdad's death, so grief is not really a legitimate excuse here.

She is totally, totally out of line and if you don't set some boundaries now things are going to get much worse once the baby is here. Otherwise, expect a lifetime of her nagging you about how MIL saw the grandbaby for 8.75 hours last month, and she only got 6 hours so she's being cheated, blah, blah.