1st Trimester

TMI: Venting with a list

Thoughts I simply MUST spew or go NUTS:?Today...WTF phantom bacon smell and a strange rash on my face.Yesterday...WTF air balloon bloating. It made me look more months than my paltry 11 weeks.I think my hormones have decided to hate turkey and chicken and anything else formerly blessed with feathers. This frustrates me to no end. Fowl becoming foul isn't a clever cosmic twist - it's just annoying.?I want sashimi. I want smoked salmon. I really, really want oysters. All forbidden and therefore looking better than sex and first kisses and Paris all combined, with sparkles and a choir of angels. ?I'm already retiring some of my wardrobe, not because of a cute baby bump...but because of eating like a a sumo wrestler in training.?I keep praying designers still like empire waists and roomy dresses in 2009.?I get paranoid about the weirdest things, like wondering if seeing gross surgery on telly will affect my baby or if swimming in the ocean will alert distant sharks and aggressive dolphins of my vulnerable biological state.If I have to pee ONE MORE DAMNED TIME during my favorite show, am going to scream.Actually, I've already screamed. And cackled. And made an absolute fool of myself sobbing through a long distance phone company commercial. Nothing pulls my heart strings these days like cheaper long distance.?I really pity my DH because he's doing so much to get me comfy - and most days, I just can't deal with the overwhelming nausea/paranoia/bloat. I have become the Impossible Wife.?Did I mention how this bloating is making me miserable?Farting and pooping become such major accomplishments. I actually Skyped my dad "I POOPED," in ecstasy over conquering constipation on Christmas morning.?My cat knows I'm preggers. I'm SO SURE.Bigger boobs? Fiercely overrated. Want my flat chest back now, please.Secretly, I'm doing yoga because I am going to try to paint my toes by myself during the third trimester. I'm told it will be like bungee jumping, but less fun.I'm really mad I never went ice skating with hubby. He's never wanted to - and this year, he has a great excuse.?Some days, I just feel FAT. Not "going to be a mommy." Not "mother of my soul mate's child." Just FAT.I watched "The Business of Being Born" and want to invest in a baby wading pool, a doula, and wind chimes.?I'm probably going to end up screaming for every painkilling drug known to man.(Seriously though, that natural home birth scene in TBOBB looked so beautiful. Telling my parents that I'm *thinking* about it will freak them out to no end.)Placenta brain is happening early. I brushed my teeth with my face wash one time...and didn't realize it was face wash until I rinsed my mouth. If this keeps up, I'll have an acne-free tongue and a plaque-free face.I can't make myself eat any of MIL's cooking. Is it m/s or passive-aggressive eating?I laughed hysterically when my OB/GYN told me I had to cut down on coffee...then fell into full-fledged United Nations negotiation mode on just how many cups I could have. ?I'm posting this list because if I say this outloud, they'll nod knowingly and mouth "hormonal" behind my back.?
"Develop an interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music -- the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself." - Henry Miller

Re: TMI: Venting with a list

  • Ha!  That made me LOL.  Hang in there....when you have that beautiful little baby this will all be a distant memory...then you'll do it all over again!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Wow. I stopped reading halfway through.

    Also, cooked oysters and smoked salmon are 100% fine per my dr. Sashimi is less so, but I eat low-mercury fish anyway. 

    DS May 12, 2009 DD September 7, 2011
  • Loading the player...
  • I really do love this list. GL Smile
  • LMAO at your entire list, especially your acne-free tongue. That's awesome. Hopefully fowl will become un-foul and your MIL's cooking will look delcious soon.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You. Are. Hysterical.

    That is the funniest thing I've read yet on these boards...absolutely made my crummy day!!


    BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
    BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
    BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
    BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
    Our little man is getting bigger every day!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    My BFP Chart
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hilarious!  Passive-aggressive eating, ha!  Luckily for me, my MIL doesn't cook.
    I HAVE CHILDREN.
  • LOL hopefully it will all get better!
  • LMAO you kill me.    that was well worth the read, I appreciate the giggle.  Thank you
  • I hope to god you survive until the end.  You think it is bad now, just wait.
    Booze, it's what's for dinner imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Birth - 7 lbs. 7 oz., 20 inches 1 Month - 9 lbs., 5 oz, 21 inches 2 Months - 11 lbs., 4.5 oz, 23 inches 4 Months - 14 lbs, 1 oz, 26.5 inches 6 months - 16 lbs, 1 oz, 28.75 inches 9 months - 18 lbs, 6 oz, 29.25 inches 1 Year - 21 lbs, 6 oz, 31 inches 2 Years - 28 lbs., 37 inches
  • Love the list- it has a poetic feel to it.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • excellent you must be a writer.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • LOL at the scatological skyping!
    Pregnancy Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • oh shiitz you are hahahaha man i'm good!
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Have you tried starting a blog.............
  • That was great! Keep 'em coming!
  • i was going to ask if you're a writer - i'm in the same profession :) ?this is pretty damn funny and refreshingly well written. ?
  • OMG too funny!   It only gets worse.....
  • I love this!! ?It's awesome! ?Thanks for the smile :)
  • I hope you'll post more as time goes on... this was very clever and funny. :)
  • Very cute and funny!! thanks!
  • LOL  Smile
    My best friend, my husband, my everything
    Matthew Kevin
    7/31/83-7/20/11 image
    Met 1/8/00
    Engaged 4/21/06
    Married 9/29/07
    Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
    Day Three
  • Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this rather longwinded catalogue of complaints. ;)?I know this litany of symptoms and fears is absolutely ludicrous now to those who are mothers and those farther along in their pregnancies.?My?mother and assorted cousins/friends have listened to (highly edited, with less adjectives) bits and pieces of these early pregnancy travails with wide grins. "You ain't seen nuthin' yet!" they say, with many dire predictions.According to everyone who has gone before, a span of months down the line I will no doubt curse the very stars with an aching punching bag of a bladder, as I suffer from epic constipation of LOTR movie budget proportions.And amigas, you will all be there as well. :)Muchas gracias, always, for sharing the knowledge and for the much-needed support. You have no idea how much you help. *hugs*
    "Develop an interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music -- the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself." - Henry Miller
  • LoL.. Hilarious! Hang in there Smile
  • Too true!  Can I add the misery of morning sickness and the flu at the same time?  For 5 days straight I couldn't eat anything and couldn't tell if I was throwing up from the sickness or the baby...when the nausea went away, the constipation problem was solved....9 or 10 times a day!  Sure glad that week's over!
  • OMG I was in stiches and practically crying. Your vent is truly inspired. And you aren't alone ... that was one of the things that alerted me to being pregnant was that I was gagging at the smell of chicken when I'd had it a few weeks before. And my cat sitting on top of me 24/7. I'd just bought Duncin Douhnuts coffee three days before I found out!!! I feel ya sister.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"