Daycare opinions

lolasmit

So, I am new here. I don't know if this is the right board or not. I am due April 23rd, but we are thinking of putting the LO in daycare at around 4 months. 

I am taking 4 months off from work, so we are looking to get her in daycare at basically 4 months. I am a little scared of that honestly because some people say that whoever is taking care of her at that age she will be attached to, and that it's possible I won't even know how to care for her,etc. 

What do you guys think from personal experience? Did anyone put their LO in daycare early on? how did it turn out? 

Yes, I am a FTM.

nanabanana06

Honestly, I was a daycare kid. I started going to daycare at 6 weeks old and was in it until I was like 11 or 12 (5th or 6th grade). I wasn't more attached to my daycare ladies. I liked them, but I loved my parents more. When I had my DD I went back to work at 3 months PP. DD did perfectly fine at daycare. She had lots of little kids to play with, she loved her teachers, but she always loved me more. I could feel it. I loved my quality time after work with my kiddo. So did she. We stopped daycare when we decided to try for #2. I wouldn't worry too much about attachments. They'll be pretty attached to you by 4 months and they'll love you regardless of daycare.

msdrdg

DS has been in DC since he was 11 weeks.  He loves his DC teachers, but he knows I am his Mommy and he loves me.  I never had any trouble knowing how to care for him just because he was/is with somebody else 9 hours a day.  Whomever told you that has some issues of their own.

ByeBabyBunting

Mine is a daycare kid and I think it's great for him. It was really hard to go back to work, but it was harder for me than LO by far. And he knows who his parents are, he loves his teachers, but I have never once felt like I was less of a parent to my kid because of daycare. Plus DCP's are a great resource with questions about "is this normal?" and "how should I handle...?" It was actually daycare that first noticed LO's speech delay and helped me get him into EI. 

I think that the structure at daycare has been a huge plus for us now that LO is older too. I don't think I have the constitution to provide that kind of structure at home (of course that's just me). 

RondackHiker

Please tell me who is telling you that daycare babies don't know or love their parents and that you won't know how to care for her so that I can come kick their asses for being so mean to you.

That is incredibly nasty and incredibly untrue.

ASmallWonder

Reality check.  Most fathers work, right?  (I said most, yes some stay at home).  DO you think kids don't know or love their fathers?  It never even seems to be a question.  I doubt the people telling you this crap would even think to mention it to your SO.  I agree with the projecting and it being completely untrue.  My oldest loves his "teachers."  He LOVES his mother and father - totally different and I know how to care for both of them just fine

angelashly

Daycare is great. I swear it is the only reason potty training went somewhat unstressful. I've worked since my kid was 6 weeks old and she is as attached to me now as when she was first born. Don't stress about it.

angelashly

@hilarityensued they basically did. I said I was ready to try I brought them clothes and underwear and they put her on a schedule of sorts. It helped the other kids were going too.

BeckyP005

I agree with what everyone said!! If I am so lucky that this cycle works my baby will have to start daycare at 6 weeks for long hours.

This is NO way to freak you out but I started to nanny...totally different..when baby was 4 weeks old. I worked 11 hr days and alot of weekends. I also traveled alot with them and spent overnights...sometimes a week with both kids when they traveled.

They cried when I left. When one yr old was sick once when we were on vacation the dad came to get me because baby didn't want mom. Messed up I know. She had no idea what to do with her.

THIS is because MOM was never around. YOU will be around. I just spent WAY too much time with them. Very sad but they turned out OK. Lol Like I said your baby will know you but these babies I practically raised!! I worked at a daycare and I think there is nothing wrong with them!!

Good luck! You will be an amazing mom!!

lolasmit

Thank you SO much!!! I have been told that by my parents and my family ALL my life. They always said that when I have a kid to make sure to NOT put them in daycare until at least 1 year old. I have always been told that, "the baby will develop bad habits" and I won't know how to get rid of them. They said I wouldn't know how to care for her once she's in day care because she will develop new habits, and whatnot. 

I agree that no one would ever say that to my DH. I had even originally said I'd work overnight simply to not put her in day care at 4 months, but why would I do that to myself when I can just put her in a day care and work during the day then come home and be with my family. 

THANK you so very much!!! I hope they potty train her, too

lolasmit

That makes sense. My mom was also a SAHM. She stayed with me until I was 12. That's when she went back to work. I definitely was feeling like OHMG I am a bad parent already because I am going to put her in day care for 8-9 hours a day?! 

I am so glad I asked. I feel so much at ease now with finding out the prices, info and picking a day care. 

RondackHiker

I'm sorry your family is like that and that you'll likely hear that crap for awhile. Tell them to knock it off.

What "bad habits" will she learn? All babies will hit or bite or pull hair at some point. All babies go through good and bad periods of sleep habits. All babies develop new patterns and habits constantly that you need to learn to handle. It's not like you'll always know what to do by staying home.

ASmallWonder

You know, the funny thing is that my mother DID work when I was growing up and my MIL did not.  I got more shit from my own mother than I did from my MIL so there's no accounting, I guess.  As for working overnights, in case you're still considering that - please don't think you can work overnights and care for your child during the day.  You'll still need care because you still need as much sleep as people who work during the day.  My SIL tries to work overnight with extremely minimal care for a few shitty hours of sleep in the morning.  Completely anecdotal but it doesn't work well at all.  She actually crashed her car last week after falling asleep at the wheel because she doesn't make her sleep a priority.

kmm2150

bearsbearsbears said:

I really hope they teach my daughter potty training.

If anything, I feel like DC has taught my daughter really good habits, that I wouldn't have considered teaching her myself.  They taught her to ask for help instead of tantruming.  They taught her to clear her dishes, throw leftovers in the trash, and bring her dishes to the sink.  They taught her please and thank you.  I had no idea she was capable of doing so much at such a young age.

This exactly. As an infant they got her on somewhat of a schedule, and she'll sleep through a freight train now from being exposed to all the noise. As a toddler now, like pp said she picks up toys, clears her plate, eats everything, drinks out of a regular cup, all sorts of things that they've taught her.

In addition to all that, the social interaction is so so beneficial and does so much to prepare them for school. Honestly I'd send her to daycare even if I didn't have to.

It's quality not quantity - make the most of the time you have with LO and don't feel guilty for allowing yourself AND your LO to have some independence.

colliebabe

Our backup daycare has a potty training boot camp in the spring - guess which 2.5 year old will be going that week!?

OP - My mom takes care of my DD during the day so she is pretty attached to her. But she's also her grandmother so she's probably more affectionate than a daycare teacher. Like others have said, you have nothing to worry about. I was a daycare kid and obviously still love my parents.

lolasmit

I can't find the post of the poster who said something about the overnight job. I definitely agree. Yesterday morning I was thinking about that. I figured I rather put her in day care than get into a car accident due to lack of sleep which happened to my BIL. He totaled his car. 

I really had no idea that day cares were like that. All I had known was what my family has been saying since I was a young kid. I really appreciate all of your honesty and sharing with me your experiences. That definitely makes the decision easier. 

Strangely enough I am not scared about being a parent or taking care of her, and whatnot. I feel ready to do so, but just thinking about the day care at 4 months and thinking of my family said totally freaked me out. 

My sister is 17 and works at a day care. She was saying how there is so many babies and how they let them cry all day basically, so that alone scared the beejeebs out of me, but I am assuming the care depends on which day care we go with.  

lolasmit

It is definitely true about the "bad" habits too. She is still going to be a kid regardless. I am glad we have the internet where I can talk to other people about this!!

RondackHiker

Daycares can definitely vary. Does your sister work for a licensed one? I'd be tempted to report it if she says they ignore babies or are out of ratio.

Do a bunch of tours. Ask lots of questions. We can help you come up with a list if you like! Visit your top choices again. Once baby is here, you can visit again with baby so that it's more familiar. Be friendly and talk to the teachers morning and evening so you know what's going on. If you're unhappy, you can switch, or check in here to see if you're overreacting or if others feel things are wrong too.

angelashly

Tour tour tour is my advice. I went through 3 centers before I found the one. Make sure you are.comfortable with the room, teachers, director, and their curriculum. Read reviews ask around do research. I left the first day feeling completely comfortable and I believe that made my DD comfortable.

ASmallWonder

I'm taking a chance here but it sounds like your sister works for a shitty daycare.   Do your research, ask questions on here or the Working Moms board and try to decide what you think is important to you (note: this may very well change once your baby is here).  There are certain deal breakers for every parent but my biggest piece of advice is to trust your gut.  You can tour 4 places that answer every question the same but if something doesn't feel right to you, trust that.  You can find amazing providers - centers and smaller home daycares.  We've fortunately/unfortunately had to use many places over the past 3 years but I can honestly say that we've been more than happy with our choices.  Except the one time I didn't trust my gut

snowclouds

Complete lie.  My kid goes to daycare (started at one since I'm in Canada) and sees his daycare provider for more time than he does me, but you know what I'm his mom and he knows that and loves me.  Daycare is just a fun place to play with friends and do activities and then mom and dad pick you up. 

Also by 4 mths you'll have gotten the hang of things so you'll know how to care for your baby.  Your parents need to stop with the guilt tripping seeing as they come from an era where it was much less common for both parents to work and the cost of living was more favorable to that environment than it is now.

RondackHiker

There are teens at my son's daycare, but they're not considered workers. They're students at the college taking early childhood education courses. They have to complete at least one course on policy/development/discipline before they can take a class that lets them interact with the children and they don't count towards ratio. Mainly they're there to observe and lend extra help at craft stations or by setting up activities or lunch or snack. That's VERY different than your sister's situation of course.

I toured three daycares that I hated before I found the one I loved for my son. The infant teachers were amazing and he loved them and they loved him. The first three weren't as good and I actually cried after the third, thinking that maybe ALL daycares were that way. I've since realized those three are the expection and I was just unlucky to see them before any others.

His teachers would sing and dance and cuddle him. They were never left to sit in cribs or high chairs and the babies were constantly being interacted with. It was wonderful.

aforst

lolasmit said:

Thank you SO much!!! I have been told that by my parents and my family ALL my life. They always said that when I have a kid to make sure to NOT put them in daycare until at least 1 year old. I have always been told that, "the baby will develop bad habits" and I won't know how to get rid of them. They said I wouldn't know how to care for her once she's in day care because she will develop new habits, and whatnot. 

I agree that no one would ever say that to my DH. I had even originally said I'd work overnight simply to not put her in day care at 4 months, but why would I do that to myself when I can just put her in a day care and work during the day then come home and be with my family. 

THANK you so very much!!! I hope they potty train her, too

I'm sorry your family is not being supportive.  That really sucks.  Both my kids were in daycare at 4 months.  Will there be some adjustments for everyone involved, of course.  It's a new routine.  You will figure it out and so will your baby.  My kids never had any major problems going to daycare that we weren't able to adapt to.  Find someone you trust to watch your child while you are at work and know that everything will work out.  Not everyone can or wants to stay home with their children.  Your baby will know who mommy and daddy are.