Feeling a bit guilty

keeumm

...but really not.

I had a long talk with my dad and his wife this weekend about who should be there when Olive is born, and/or upcoming summer visits. They assumed that my mom would want to be in the hospital room when baby is born, and that they would give her the right of way until she left. (All family lives out of state, so all family would require extended stays.) When they said this, DH and I immediately looked at each other and said a firm "No" to my mom being in the hospital room. 

I have not actually talked to my mom about this yet. At one point early in pregnancy, she said something about coming to visit this summer and bringing my sister and niece, my best friend and her twin newborns, and maybe a family friend. Um...no. My mom seems to need a buffer when she visits us, which is more annoying than anything. All I want when I have visitors this summer is to have people who are helpful. I do NOT need people visiting who will want to tell me about birthing/raising kids 30+ years ago. My mom tends to mean well, but in reality she is not helpful, is in the way, has a hard time hearing, is uncomfortable around new people, etc... I love my mom, but she is great on the phone. Or in small doses. Or at times when I'm not having my first child.  I fear that mom is going to come to our house, sit on the couch, and critique. 

I told my dad and his wife that I assumed that my mom would come later in the summer, and that she had never mentioned being there at the birth. Dad said that he would come whenever we wanted them there, which is why I love them so much. I basically told Dad and his wife that they could move in (no joke, we would love it!), and we then spent the rest of the weekend talking about how great the summer will be if/when they come for an extended visit. 

I feel almost bad about not wanting mom to be there, but not really. I recognize that this is a time where I can be selfish and ask for help from those who will help. I wish that my mom and I were closer, but I am forever grateful that my dad and I have such a solid relationship. 

Anyone else in this boat? 

momo214

I've told my mom to come about a week after. She lives about 7 hours away unless I get my job transfer. Not for any of the reasons above but I just want the first week with my DH and I to stress alone and bond and have our own freak outs. Then mom can swoop in when DH goes back to work and help me once I sort of kind of maybe get a little bit of the hang of things (but let's be real prob not).

andoll8

your birth. your baby. your family. your decision.

stick to your guns. :-)

whse13kittens

We're not telling anyone I'm even in labor until after he is born.  If that means I have to give my phone to DH so he can go outside and share stupid e-cards and update my status with random things on Facebook so that people don't start bugging me about why I'm not on Facebook, then that's what we'll do.  This is OUR time.  Then we'll tell my stepkids first, THEN the rest of our families.

Don't let her pressure you into a million people or into staying for a week when you'd rather her stay for an hour.  Lay it on the line, right now, and then stick to it.  Your baby, your time.

Chellbell20

Your baby, your body, your birth.  No one you don't want gets in the room.  We aren't even telling anyone this time other than my parents who will be watching DD.  I'm not having visitors at 4am again after being up for almost 24 hours.