Vent: Frustrated, feel like I can never get things done

jf198400

For the most part, I feel like I manage okay working FT, now that my kids are getting older (though if still rather SAH or work PT). But there are just some things I feel like I never have time for. Like my car needs repairs and it's seriously stressing me out. Having to get a rental for a day, moving the car seats etc. we also just got a huge crack in one of our house windows that needs to be repaired, so someone needs to be home for that also. Then my freaking cable box stops working and I have to find time when I'm at home to call verizon to try to troubleshoot it, ughhh. I seriously feel like I need a personal assistant somedays just to deal with all the crap I don't have time for. I know SAH isn't "easy" but I just feel like all these little day to day issues wouldn't be so hard to deal with if I actually had time at home. I think part of my stress is that since I've started my new job 2 months ago I've already had to leave early, come in late, and take a snow day all b/c of my kids, so I feel like I can't take any work time to deal with this stuff. It's just all stressing me out lately, sigh...

iverske9

I feel ya momma! I am forced to take a "sick" or vacation day every once in a while to get stuff like this done, including doctor appointments, etc. Can the hubby take any of this on either? 

jf198400

I'm trying to get him to take care of the car for me and my mom said she could be available if I need someone home for the window repairs. It's more the organization/ planning/ making sure everything is handled that's weighing me down.
Unfortunately all of the kid stuff that comes up is always on me b/c DH works 2hrs away so he can't help. And he is gone long hours so I'm on my own at home a lot and just generally feel there's never enough time at home that I'm not directly involved with the kids. Even a simple phone call is near impossible with a 1.5 yr old and 3yr old around.

cedenton

I feel ya! DH works 12 hours shifts. N has been sick all week and I had to leave work twice this week to pick him up. DH was thankfully off yesterday and today and stayed home with. I'm just praying he can make it through tomorrow at daycare. We have no family in the area. Can't WAH with him because he won't let me (close the laptop, etc.)

I hope things improve for you!

ss265

I know you just started a new job but eventually, can you work from home one day a week? I do this and I find that it helps my sanity a lot because I can catch up on some chores and I can schedule people to come to the house on the day I work from home.

I also find that once you start tackling one thing, it just makes you feel better overall even if the other things need to get done.

Veittobe

I have the same troubles.  I love being a working Mom and honestly I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home Mom.  But I admit, a PT schedule sounds heavenly for exactly the reasons you've described.  

It does seem to all kind of build up at once, doesn't it?  Then I'll have a few weeks where I think, hey, I can handle this.  Then everything builds up again and stress out all over again.  I've slowly been dropping hints to DH about my possibly switching to 4 days/week and still sending the kids to daycare for atleast a shortened day that one day/wk just to have a set time for those tasks that just can't get done with the kids home. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the financial cut that would be.  But sometimes, I think our sanity is worth it.  

You're definitely not alone.  It's tough juggling a FT work schedule along with the FT Mom schedule.  Hang in there.

aglenn

I was complaining to my mom about this very same thing when she was visiting over the holidays and she swore to me that right now, with two kids under 5, is the worst of it and I should expect to regain some sanity and balance in life over the next couple of years.  I am holding her to that...because I am tired of being so tired and stretched so thin.  I don't think SAH would help me, actually, because it is virtually impossible for me to accomplish anything that involves adult conversation when both kids are around and awake.

jf198400

ss265 said:

I know you just started a new job but eventually, can you work from home one day a week? I do this and I find that it helps my sanity a lot because I can catch up on some chores and I can schedule people to come to the house on the day I work from home.

I also find that once you start tackling one thing, it just makes you feel better overall even if the other things need to get done.

My last job let me WFH one day a week and it was awesome, even just throwing dinner in the crockpot made my life easier.  New job does not encourage WFH unfortunately.

jf198400

Veittobe said:

I have the same troubles.  I love being a working Mom and honestly I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home Mom.  But I admit, a PT schedule sounds heavenly for exactly the reasons you've described.  

It does seem to all kind of build up at once, doesn't it?  Then I'll have a few weeks where I think, hey, I can handle this.  Then everything builds up again and stress out all over again.  I've slowly been dropping hints to DH about my possibly switching to 4 days/week and still sending the kids to daycare for atleast a shortened day that one day/wk just to have a set time for those tasks that just can't get done with the kids home. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the financial cut that would be.  But sometimes, I think our sanity is worth it.  

You're definitely not alone.  It's tough juggling a FT work schedule along with the FT Mom schedule.  Hang in there.

I actually used to work 4 days a week, 2 jobs ago, and it was HEAVEN.  It was sooooo worth the financial cut to have more time at home.  At the time my mom was providing childcare, so I had the kids home with me that day off, but I still got so much accomplished, it relieved a lot of stress over the weekend, we had much more family time.

emberlee3

ss265 said:

I also find that once you start tackling one thing, it just makes you feel better overall even if the other things need to get done.

ITA.  I also started asking DH to take care of more of this kind of stuff. 

jf198400

aglenn said:

I was complaining to my mom about this very same thing when she was visiting over the holidays and she swore to me that right now, with two kids under 5, is the worst of it and I should expect to regain some sanity and balance in life over the next couple of years.  I am holding her to that...because I am tired of being so tired and stretched so thin.  I don't think SAH would help me, actually, because it is virtually impossible for me to accomplish anything that involves adult conversation when both kids are around and awake.

I can see how some things would get easier (kids are more independent etc.) but it will also be harder in some ways.  There's going to be a lot more schedule juggling to get the kids to all of their activities and homework etc.

I think SAH with kids in PT preschool is the dream haha.

Virgo17

I can very much relate to this.  It's not always the day-to-day tasks, but those extras that get thrown in there. 

I know it's not ideal, but can any of this stuff be scheduled for the weekend?  We do car repairs on the weekends, have service people come out on weekends.  Our doctor even has Saturday morning hours.  It's mostly for sick visits, but if you schedule far enough in advance can get an appointment for well visits.

Making phone calls while at home with young kids is next to impossible.  I usually make phone calls during my breaks at work or during my commute. 

I also have started delegating some stuff to DH as well.  We are moving in a few weeks and he has really impressed me with taking on a lot of things.  He is getting really good at scheduling appointments, calling utility companies, etc.  I know your DH has a long commute and long hours, but I'm sure he gets occasional breaks where he could handle making some phone calls.  I have even used the chat feature on various website while at work so I could take care of a small task.

Those are all of my suggestions on ways to take care of these things without infringing too much on your time at work.  Good luck!

MommyAtty

My advice is that it's only been about 8 weeks that you've been at this, and the universe has given you a bit of trial by fire. You'll get through the rough transition, hit your stride, and the next bumpy period you'll be better prepared to handle.

With that being said, I often joke that I need a wife. Life would be so much easier with someone at home to take care of this crap for me. Hang in there. We all feel like we're always running from one thing to another. And enlist your husband! He's an equal partner in all of this.

jf198400

@mommyatty
No I'm not new to this. Changed jobs 2 months ago, but have always been FT WM since first child was born. It definitely has gotten easier over time, but yea I still wish I had someone to handle this stuff for me. It's a shame I can't have a sister wife lol.

thedash

jf198400 said:

@mommyatty No I'm not new to this. Changed jobs 2 months ago, but have always been FT WM since first child was born. It definitely has gotten easier over time, but yea I still wish I had someone to handle this stuff for me. It's a shame I can't have a sister wife lol.

I have spent way too much time considering the multiple benefits of having a sister wife. It's a little scary how appealing the idea can be some days...

sweetsunnyc

I have been feeling like this everyday lately- I just feel like I have no time to get anything done during the week, so I spend my weekends running errands and trying to get caught up with cleaning. And then I feel like I didn't have a weekend or spend anytime with my kids

I know that I am not cut out to be a fully SAHM, but I would love part or three quater time. I had asked for this when I went on maternitity leave last year, but they said no.

I am planning on approaching my boss about working from home one day or a more flexible schedule- especially when the summer rolls around to help with daycare.

Somedays working FT and being a FT mom is just too hard to balance.

jf198400

@mrsdelcastillo do you have a cleaning service? That is one thing that saved my life after having baby#2. I hated spending my weekends cleaning. There's still laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking, but at least I don't have to clean hardly ever. If you can't go PT, I'd highly recommend it.

MammaBear81

Take a deep breath and WOO SAAAHHH!  A few things that have helped me:

1) make friends with your mechanic, preferably  one that is attached to a gas station that is open late.  I am able to drop off my car after work and have DH pick me up to take me home, or arrange with enterprise to pick me up and rent a car until mine is done.  I can also call him from work and pay and then he leaves the keys with the gas station attendant and I can pick up after 5pm.  Until I found this guy it was a nightmare to get this stuff done. This also goes for making friends with a plumber and a contractor, I can't tell you how awesome it is for them to schedule me for the "last appointment of the day" so I can get home and not have to take time off work.

2) For house repairs I try to pile several into one day.  Estimate for the window guy, and troubleshoot the internet can be done in a morning.  Of course this can't always be done, but when things start to "pile up" I try to get a bunch of stuff done in one day (just using your post for examples).  I've also found that customer service is usually open past 5pm, it's not ideal to be on the phone fixing the internet while serving dinner, but sometimes it just has to be done!

I am very grateful right now that DH works nights, it has made my life 10000x easier.  We also have in home care for the span when DH needs to go to bed, but before I get home, so we can schedule workers to come during the day, and I either leave a check, or call them with a CC.

mommatotwo2

I hear you. I felt like I was managing ok when I had 1 child, especially once she was about 2.5 or 3 years old and able to do some things for herself like get dressed, out of diapers, feed herself, etc. Freed up some time for the housework and just gave me a minute or two to breathe and de-stress. I find that I feel my life piling on top of me when I don't have any me time. Ever since baby#2 came along and DD1 started kindergarten at the same time I returned from maternity leave...it's been pure chaos. Things were going great when I was home on maternity leave, laundry caught up, toilets scrubbed, dinner on the table before 730 pm lol...but those days are long gone. I'm starting a new job in 3 weeks to add insult to injury...but I need to get out of the place I'm currently in, it's toxic for my emotional health there. I'm trying to just remember that life will get easier again once DD2 is at that doing things for herself age and in the meantime, I'm trying not to rush this baby days by, as chaotic as they are, because I know I'm gonna miss this one day.

sweetsunnyc

jf198400 said:

@mrsdelcastillo do you have a cleaning service? That is one thing that saved my life after having baby#2. I hated spending my weekends cleaning. There's still laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking, but at least I don't have to clean hardly ever. If you can't go PT, I'd highly recommend it.

I have been seriously considering  a cleaning service now for months? What's the average cost for this? I need someone to come in once a week and just do some deep cleaning- on a saturday would be perfect