BFing comments at this point

musicalmama5

I'm wondering if anyone else is in this boat.

Ever since DS was born, people have been asking me if I'm BFing. I live in a city where people like to be all up in your business, so I wasn't surprised by this or even bothered really. But now that DS is approaching a year, I've noticed the conversations have changed from being positive to negative.

Examples:

An early conversation may have been like this:

Check-out-lady at the store: Oh, what a beautiful baby! Are you breastfeeding? [yes, they do just jump right in]

Me: I sure am.

Her: That's why he's so big and healthy! [I realize that his size probably has nothing to do with me BFing, but for some reason people have said this comment to me a bagillion times]

A recent conversation goes more like this:

Check-out-lady: Look at that big boy! How old is he?

Me: 10 months; I know he's huge.

Her: Is he breastfed?

Me:Yep.

Her: But he has teeth!/He's too old for that/*shakes head and keeps scanning groceries*

Why the change? It doesn't really bother me and I'm certainly not going to let random strangers affect my parenting decisions, but still it's kind of frustrating. 

Rosebean

See, this is where I would have probably gone the extra step and say "I am planning on Breastfeeding until he is 3! Isn't that wonderful?!?" Just to get their goat. But honestly, I would have asked the lady how that was any of her business. And then I would complain to her manager. It's not her place to take a customer to her till and make them feel uncomfortable about their lifestyle/child rearing choices.

wifeofadam

People are so nosy and silly.

You're never going to change people's ignorant opinions about breastfeeding a toddler, so you just need to be confident that you're doing what is best for YOUR baby and ignore the ignorance.

The teeth comments are so strange.  Don't people realize that some babies get teeth at like two months old and some are even born with teeth.  Should those babies never BF?  And don't those people realize that teeth have nothing to do with nursing?

I remember when that article came out in TIME a few years ago about extended breastfeeding.  It seemed like everyone around me was talking about nursing older children as if it was abuse.  I had to bite my tongue so many times.  Like I said, you can't change ignorance.

wifeofadam

Here was my rant on reactions to the TIME article back in 2012.  It sums up my feelings.

https://intendedtemple.blogspot.com/2012/05/extended-breastfeeding-rant.html

musicalmama5

@Rosebean I'd be calling the manager on pretty much every check-out person if I did that! Seriously, it's a very standard thing to get asked around here. And I don't mind the questions, really. I usually use it as an opportunity to educate them a bit if they seem weirded out. I do like the "I'm planning on BFing til he's 3" comeback though...

@Sagen that is so shocking to me! 

musicalmama5

+adamwife+ said:

Here was my rant on reactions to the TIME article back in 2012.  It sums up my feelings.

https://intendedtemple.blogspot.com/2012/05/extended-breastfeeding-rant.html

I LOVE this! And I absolutely adore the pictures at the end. So beautiful.

musicalmama5

I haven't actually read the Time article. I don't think I really want to though! Might just make me irrationally angry.

SidraJedi

I am also in the South and I still get comments like the first one. I have never had anyone tell me that I need to stop BF.

My step grandmother is obsessed with weight and she says stuff like "make sure you aren't feeding her too much" whatever hat means. (I want to say back, "we'll, I put her on a diet but she cries and cries" just to try to get a rise, but to my horror she'd probably think that I have to just ignore her crying).

Well, all I have to say is you might just start preemptively shushing them ie, stranger: "is he bf?"
"Yes, and my pedi is really excited that we're still going strong" or something like that.

I'm sorry, it sucks when ppl can't mind their own beeswax.

wifeofadam

Sagen said:

IRT the time article, while I agree with a lot of things the blog you posted says, adamswife, I have to say I hate that article. I think Mayim Bialik take on it aligns with my thoughts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TEYa4NbPYc

Oh, I agree.  That article was horribly written and the pictures were terrible.  It totally wasn't the way to show people how extended breastfeeding is normal.  And I also hate the AP label, so the article sort of annoyed me for that reason.

I had a ton of people in my life talking about that article when it was in the news and I was so annoyed.  Half of the coworkers didn't realize I was nursing a toddler at the time or that I cosleep/wear my babies, so it took every bit of self control not to give them a piece of my mind. 

I also agree with you, Sagen, that no one IRL outside of that period of time where the article was popular has really said anything to me about nursing.  I've gotten some looks of disgust and comments about nursing in general, but that was while NIP when my babies were very little.

nlp1990

Right now it is only my MIL that has asked about it. She asked me why I wouldn't wean him during the day and just nurse him at night. I think she wants to be able to have E whenever she asks and not have to worry about a bottle. I do not leave him often and she gets irritated by that. My excuse until now has been that I don't have a large freezer stash, but she doesn't think that's a legitimate excuse anymore.

I assume that I will start getting comments from more people as we extend BFing past one year. My aunt went 15 months and everyone was talking about how she needed to wean C and that he surely didn't need it.

I agree with @verovladamir with the whole WHO and AAP thing.

kleigh926

I think our culture is just not used to women nursing past a certain point. 6 months seems to be the norm around here. No strangers ever asked me about nursing, but family did occasionally, and after 6 months was when I started getting the "how long will you nurse her" questions. I didn't really get negative reactions, just curiosity.

TarheelMama202

I'm still nursing and in the South. I think the attitude around here, though, is that people typically keep their negative comments to themselves/ talk about it behind your back. People rarely ask me if I'm still nursing, but if they do I don't really get much of a negative response. However, I'm sure it's talked about when I'm not around. Which is fine with me-- I don't have to hear it!

jesuisfatiguee

First, @musicalmama5, people really shouldn't be so rude to you. How aggravating!

Second, I think I've gotten lucky. I live in a generally "crunchy" town where babywearing, nursing (even NIP), organic food etc are the norm. Strangers don't tend to ask if I BF, I think they just assume that I do. DS' grandfather and nana (easier to type than "step-grandma") support BF, and one of their daughters until age 2 or 3.

If it does come up, I have gotten the, "Oh, that's why he's so big/chubby/look at those BF thighs" comments, which I think are weird, but at least it's not negative  

jesuisfatiguee

+adamwife+ said:

Here was my rant on reactions to the TIME article back in 2012.  It sums up my feelings.

https://intendedtemple.blogspot.com/2012/05/extended-breastfeeding-rant.html

I love it! And yeah, the pictures at the end are wonderful

Dannysmama

The only person who has asked outside of family was our dog walker - who is a very odd bird.  My grandmother made a few comments about needing to stop nursing when DS got teeth, but then my cousin had a baby and she's BF, so now my grandmother "gets" why we are still doing it.  Another cousin nursed 4 - including twins - until past a year, so on the other side of my family its totally normalized.

I NIP still, but it has gotten so hard.  DS hates any sort of a cover, and boy is it awkward when he's nursing and tries to stick his finger up my nose or in my ear.  Maybe I'm getting weird looks since he's not a newborn, but its probably because my son is trying to put his finger up my nose.  

PhieryBFly

I've gotten a couple comments and I usually combine 'dumb blonde/I didn't realize you were trying to be nosy and insulting' with an educational moment. Most people like that generally think that way because that's what they were told to think by the media or whomever (I believe) as opposed to having actually thought about the topic on their own. So, I might respond with something like, "Yep, we're still breastfeeding! The teeth have made it a bit more challenging but the health benefits, financial benefits and intelligence benefits totally make it worthwhile!" But it somewhat depend on the conversation too.

babywisher

I am surprised you are getting all those comments. I nip and don't have comments or looks even. I am just across the lake from you. Now my family is another story. They all have the teeth theory. Just Sunday my sil asked me if u was weaning her yet. I told her not even close. Which opened a whole big conversation with the ladies in my family. I finally told them if she has not weaned by 2 I would work on it. Just to get them to hush. She has a mpsi anyway. So bm is best for her.

musicalmama5

babywisher said:

I am surprised you are getting all those comments. I nip and don't have comments or looks even. I am just across the lake from you. Now my family is another story. They all have the teeth theory. Just Sunday my sil asked me if u was weaning her yet. I told her not even close. Which opened a whole big conversation with the ladies in my family. I finally told them if she has not weaned by 2 I would work on it. Just to get them to hush. She has a mpsi anyway. So bm is best for her.

Well, there's a big difference (culturally) between the northshore and the southshore.... People are seriously unaware of boundaries. Usually I don't even mind, and most of the time I like how open people are. It gives me a reason to do some educating.

lswivel

My family doesn't care and they know I am planning to nurse for a year (my mom and brother live with us). DH's family thinks DS to old to still be nursing. On Christmas Eve we were at DH's aunts house and I needed to nurse DS and so I grabbed my cover and sat on a couch away from everyone. DH's cousin comes over and says "oh you're still breastfeeding?" I say yes and I plan to until he is at least a year and she says "maybe you should do that on my room". I told her I'm fine and will be done in a minute and his aunt comes in and says maybe I should "go outside to do that". I went into his cousins room bc they looked disgusted and I didn't want them to say anything else and make a big deal.

It was annoying and it was the first time I was told to go somewhere else to nurse. But on the up side I don't have to deal with his family very often so hopefully won't have to deal with that again.

musicalmama5

lswivel said:

My family doesn't care and they know I am planning to nurse for a year (my mom and brother live with us). DH's family thinks DS to old to still be nursing. On Christmas Eve we were at DH's aunts house and I needed to nurse DS and so I grabbed my cover and sat on a couch away from everyone. DH's cousin comes over and says "oh you're still breastfeeding?" I say yes and I plan to until he is at least a year and she says "maybe you should do that on my room". I told her I'm fine and will be done in a minute and his aunt comes in and says maybe I should "go outside to do that". I went into his cousins room bc they looked disgusted and I didn't want them to say anything else and make a big deal. It was annoying and it was the first time I was told to go somewhere else to nurse. But on the up side I don't have to deal with his family very often so hopefully won't have to deal with that again.

Ick! That's awful! I'd have been pretty pissed if I were you. Go outside? Seriously?

lswivel

@musicalmama5 I was pretty pissed. I told DH when we were leaving because he was outside at the time and he was mad too.

musicalmama5

verovladamir said:

musicalmama5 said:

lswivel said:

My family doesn't care and they know I am planning to nurse for a year (my mom and brother live with us). DH's family thinks DS to old to still be nursing. On Christmas Eve we were at DH's aunts house and I needed to nurse DS and so I grabbed my cover and sat on a couch away from everyone. DH's cousin comes over and says "oh you're still breastfeeding?" I say yes and I plan to until he is at least a year and she says "maybe you should do that on my room". I told her I'm fine and will be done in a minute and his aunt comes in and says maybe I should "go outside to do that". I went into his cousins room bc they looked disgusted and I didn't want them to say anything else and make a big deal. It was annoying and it was the first time I was told to go somewhere else to nurse. But on the up side I don't have to deal with his family very often so hopefully won't have to deal with that again.

Ick! That's awful! I'd have been pretty pissed if I were you. Go outside? Seriously?

I got that comment even when DS was a newborn. He was like a month old and my MIL told me I needed to go out to the car to nurse him. I was using a cover and we were at a baby shower- a room full of ONLY WOMEN except for DS. Also, it was July. it was 90 degrees outside. Nope. Not going to sit in the car. 

Ugh! What is wrong with some people?!

lswivel

musicalmama5 said:

verovladamir said:

musicalmama5 said:

lswivel said:

My family doesn't care and they know I am planning to nurse for a year (my mom and brother live with us). DH's family thinks DS to old to still be nursing. On Christmas Eve we were at DH's aunts house and I needed to nurse DS and so I grabbed my cover and sat on a couch away from everyone. DH's cousin comes over and says "oh you're still breastfeeding?" I say yes and I plan to until he is at least a year and she says "maybe you should do that on my room". I told her I'm fine and will be done in a minute and his aunt comes in and says maybe I should "go outside to do that". I went into his cousins room bc they looked disgusted and I didn't want them to say anything else and make a big deal.

It was annoying and it was the first time I was told to go somewhere else to nurse. But on the up side I don't have to deal with his family very often so hopefully won't have to deal with that again.

Ick! That's awful! I'd have been pretty pissed if I were you. Go outside? Seriously?

I got that comment even when DS was a newborn. He was like a month old and my MIL told me I needed to go out to the car to nurse him. I was using a cover and we were at a baby shower- a room full of ONLY WOMEN except for DS. Also, it was July. it was 90 degrees outside. Nope. Not going to sit in the car. 


Ugh! What is wrong with some people?!

Wtf?
I thought about going into another room from the beginning but I was in a quite area, there were only two other males besides DH and I was covered. His cousin has a daughter and but she was FF (which I have no problem with, DS1 was FF starting at 2 weeks old). You think she would be a little more comfortable with it.

sefferj

lswivel said:

My family doesn't care and they know I am planning to nurse for a year (my mom and brother live with us). DH's family thinks DS to old to still be nursing. On Christmas Eve we were at DH's aunts house and I needed to nurse DS and so I grabbed my cover and sat on a couch away from everyone. DH's cousin comes over and says "oh you're still breastfeeding?" I say yes and I plan to until he is at least a year and she says "maybe you should do that on my room". I told her I'm fine and will be done in a minute and his aunt comes in and says maybe I should "go outside to do that". I went into his cousins room bc they looked disgusted and I didn't want them to say anything else and make a big deal. It was annoying and it was the first time I was told to go somewhere else to nurse. But on the up side I don't have to deal with his family very often so hopefully won't have to deal with that again.

That's crap! I would have asked them to go eat outside! That's something I don't understand. You had a cover and even sat away from people. At that point, if they don't like it they don't need to look! As a side note though, I would have totally gone into another room too to avoid conflict lol