both mine and H's parents will be (prefer to be) called "grandma and grandpa," I actually WISH one set of them preferred something else so there was an easy way to distinguish them!
Your kids will actually probably give them their own names by themselves. My cousins daughter had two grandmothers who both wanted to be called Grandma. One is Grammy and one is Mawmaw. Just how it came out.
My MIL keeps trying to come up with new names for herself (Grandma Jo, Grandmother, etc) nothing too weird but she won't settle on one thing. DS just keeps calling her Grandma Lastname. Which makes me happy, since he's almost 3 and shouldn't have to learn a new name for her every other week.
My fil's 4th wife wanted to be called meemaw because of the big bang theory. It bothered the shit out of me and I never acknowledged it. Once my son started talking, I suggested another name that he would be likely to say that is similar to her first name.
Honestly…I think she has a right to choose her name. I called my grandmother Nana, and my MIL wants to be called Nana. I let everyone choose their own names. We are going to have two Poppy's but as long as they are ok with it, its fine with me. I think you are going to have to let this one go. There are so many other battles that are more important.
Married 9/8/07
BFP on 12/30/12, EDD 9/6/13, u/s at 8w no HB MMC 2/4/13
My mom will be maimeo ( Gaelic for grandma). MIL will be Grammy. The baby will call MIL's husband what everyone else calls him- Murph. My mom asked her boyfriend what he wanted to be called, and he said, "Uhm. Richard." She does have 1 grandpa (FIL). She won't see him too often so I dunno what she'll call him.
I think the issue is less what she wants to be called, and more about how she thinks she has any control over what she will be called. Is she a first time grandma? My mom has all kinds of control delusions about my son: we went to her house for Christmas, (my son is 22 months), and she didn't remove any of her millions if knickknacks or decorations to child-proof. She insisted that when her kids were told "no, don't touch," we always listened the first time....well, she was wrong, and three broken ornaments later, she learned that my kid is not me, or my sister, or my brother.
The fact that she felt like 'she knew best' is what really got to me, and it sounds like your MIL is a little similar, thinking she will have any control over what your child calls her. It's also at least a year and a half away, so I'd try to let it go...good luck!
I agree with OP I grew up with 2 grandmas and 2 grandpas. Nana/nanna/nanny was a babysitter or pet's name.
My parents are grandpa and grandma to all the grand kids. ExH's parents are nanny and grandpa. DH's parents are grandma and poppa. I'm not used to the 'poppa' so I frequently call FIL grandpa.
I cringe when I hear nanny or poppa.
People who say 'your kid will call then what they want to call them' need to realize that the kid will call them what they've been taught to.
That includes calling the dog 'Shithead' or 'Fucker' yes...I've seen/heard it.
I don't understand what's cringe-worthy about Nana or Papa/poppa. :-(
I want to be Mama, and MH will probably be Papa. It goes well with Mama and is normal in our group of friends. Probably our closest friends-with-kids are also Mama and Papa.
My mom will be Gramma/Grandma, but my dad will be Papaw because that's what HE called HIS grandfather and he wants to continue that. I am SO on board with that! (MIL/FIL will probably be Grammy and Grampa). I'm kinda hurt that anyone would be so judgey about family names. My dad grew up in the South. Pappy, Papaw, etc were all normal in that time and place.
Tons of my friends growing up had Nanas, Mimis, Omas, Opas, whatever. It was often a cultural thing and I'd never question it.
I just don't get what the big deal is......? We asked our parents what they wanted to be called and we just accepted it.
SO LONG AS IT'S NOT TITTY.
That's all. ;-)
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May not be cringe-worthy to others, but having grown up where every grandparent was grandpa and grandma, it just bugs me. Even the great-grandparents were great-grandma/pa.
I knew people of Dutch descent that had Opa and Oma. That seemed okay. But nanny and papa just seems like a 'made up name'.
It could be soooo much worse. My stepson calls his grandparents by the Swedish words for grandma and grandpa - but in a shortened, Americanized way. Making his grandma "Farm" (short for Farmour) and his grandpa "Farf" (short for Farfar...sp?). The first time I heard it I thought "did that child just call his grandpa "Fart"?!? I'm sure these weren't the names either the parents or my ex-husband hoped my stepson would use, but LO's have a lexicon all their own!! My sister actually called me Nana for awhile (her best toddler attempt at Vanessa) and even though I wouldn't have wanted to sound like I was her grandma (ha!!) I liked it because she made it up. Start with whatever your MIL wants to be called and let it evolve. It's not worth trying to force something relatively minor on her or your LO.
My grandmother decided she was too young to be a grandmother so we called her Katie (variation in her name) and grandpa became Boppa because I couldn't pronounce grandpa. The other side were grandma and grandpa. Last name and as we didn't see them very much we didn't come up with nicknames like we did for mums side.
Our LO will have three grandmas, so the naming discussion has already happened. My mum will be some version of her real name , DH 's mum will be grandma and no idea about DH's step mum. No idea about the grandfathers tho- maybe Pop for DH's dad and grandpa for mine?
DH and I are probably going to be mum and Da. All this being said I hope our kid comes up with some amazing kid form of all of these names!
As for a controlling mother in law ( which I also have) I've found that giving her something to control might help her not want to control everything. Let her be whatever she wants, give her a "job" to do that you don't really care about to keep her out of your hair on other things. Honestly it sounds as if there are other issues to deal with if it's bothering you so much. Setting boundaries and maintaining them is difficult but will be worth it in the end . What your child calls your MIL doesn't sound like a boundary/make or break issue. PM me if you need some advice re: family and boundary things, we've dealt with a few:) good luck !
Also adding to the point that kids will call you what they come up with: for some reason my nephew (he's 4 going on 5) calls me Uncle Kacie. Lol I don't know if it's because they call me a man behind my back or of the kid is just strange (he's got lots of aunts), but yes. That's my title.
Also not to be a huge downer, but both of my grandfathers had passed away before I was born. While you're stressing about somehing as silly as a name, I'm sure there are people who simply wish there parents were still here to be called anything.
I totally know what you mean - my mom's parents died when she was 14 and my dad's parents went to prison when he was 4 and died in the 1970s. I would have loved to even meet just one grandparent. As for my little one, my FIL died 7 months ago and we would give anything for him to be here. I would have let my kid call him Santa Claus, spaceship, or rock star - the relationship itself is more important than the name a kid calls their grandparent.
OP - focus on being happy that your little one has 1) his grandma still alive and you LO can actually meet her, 2) your MIL is excited to be a part of your kid's life, and 3) she wants to carry on a tradition for names that your husband has had, which I find absolutely adorable. You are getting excellent advice from everyone here, even if it's not what you want to hear.
Officially started TTC January 2012
Dx with PCOS November 2012
2/2013 - First round of Femara - No O
Took 2 months to get vaccinated from the chickenpox
5/2013 - Second round Femara - No O
6/2013 - Third round of Femara + HCG Trigger Shot = O!
7/18/2013 - Found out I was pregnant
Dx with Gestational Diabetes at 28 weeks
Dx with Macrosomia at 33 weeks
Taking Glyburide and Metformin to control GD
Due date is March 29th but we are moving forward with a scheduled C-Section on March 25th
My grandparents were always referred to as Grandma, Grandpa, Grandmommy and Granddaddy. I found it to be formal and boring. My H calls his grandmother Nana and his grandfather Pawpaw. I find that to be much less formal and more endearing. I like that he still calls her that. It makes her smile and that makes me happy. I don't care what my kid calls his grandparents. My parents have names they'd like to be called, but we'll see how it all turns out. I won't force my kid to call the grandparents anything at all. It's nbd to me. I think maybe you, OP, need to be a little more flexible and try to get over it - the name seems to have good memories for her and she IS the grandmother. So be like Pete the Cat and just let it roll off, cause "It's allllll goood!"
I'm 30 and still have all 4 of my grandparents. I call them Nana, Papaw, Grandma, and Pawpaw - because that didn't suddenly change when I became an adult. It's what I've called them my whole life. What else should I call them??? My DD has 7 grandparents and all have different names because we didn't want to confuse her with them having repeat names. Honestly, I think it's ridiculous to only want them called Grandma and Grandpa. What if they want a different name? My mom didn't want to be called "Grandma" because that's not the tradition in her family. So she's not. Who cares?
DD 1/3/2012 BFP 5/21/2013 MC 5/24/2013 BFP 7/16/2013 EDD 3/27/2014
My grandma was Nana my whole life, and there's nothing weird about that! In fact, if you go to any greeting card section, the 'nana' cards are right next to the 'grandma' cards, so I'd say it's a pretty common thing. I think to get upset about something like nana and papa is ridiculous and pretty childish. And, if your husband has called his grandma 'nana' and his grandpa 'papa' his whole life, back off! Again, childish...
This baby will have 7 grandparents and 4 great grandparents when he is born. Some of them already have names from other grand babies that conflict with each other. I am afraid to mention that fact when they tell us they want dibs on a certain name.... I am still not sure how we will handle that. Anyone else have LOTS of grandparents?
I feel like one thing about being a grandparent is being able to pick out what you want your grandkids to call you. I understand the name freaks you out, but her choice is not unreasonable at all so I think it's more up to you to grin and bear it and, as others have mentioned, choose your battles.
My mom has "jokingly" mentioned that she wants to be called Queenie. I laughed it off at first knowing she was only half-serious and then brought it up at the Thanksgiving dinner table to see what the rest of the family thought. It was pointed out that a toddler most likely won't be able to pronounce "Queenie" and it will instead come out as "Weenie." Look who's gonna have the last laugh...
May not be cringe-worthy to others, but having grown up where every grandparent was grandpa and grandma, it just bugs me. Even the great-grandparents were great-grandma/pa.
I knew people of Dutch descent that had Opa and Oma. That seemed okay. But nanny and papa just seems like a 'made up name'.
Ah, the old "I grew up in a homogenous culture, so anything that is different is stupid."
I really couldn't give a shit what other people call their grandparents.
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^^I never said it was 'stupid'. Not common for where I grew up...
This baby will have 7 grandparents and 4 great grandparents when he is born. Some of them already have names from other grand babies that conflict with each other. I am afraid to mention that fact when they tell us they want dibs on a certain name.... I am still not sure how we will handle that. Anyone else have LOTS of grandparents?
We called both sets "grandma/grandpa last name" When grandparents weren't around and just grandma/grandpa when we were with either set, and called the other grandparents grandma/grandpa and the set we were with understood. don't see how conflicting names would be a big deal?
Re: Grandparents' "Names" - help!
Married 9/8/07
BFP on 12/30/12, EDD 9/6/13, u/s at 8w no HB MMC 2/4/13
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
The fact that she felt like 'she knew best' is what really got to me, and it sounds like your MIL is a little similar, thinking she will have any control over what your child calls her. It's also at least a year and a half away, so I'd try to let it go...good luck!
May not be cringe-worthy to others, but having grown up where every grandparent was grandpa and grandma, it just bugs me.
Even the great-grandparents were great-grandma/pa.
I knew people of Dutch descent that had Opa and Oma. That seemed okay.
But nanny and papa just seems like a 'made up name'.
Our LO will have three grandmas, so the naming discussion has already happened. My mum will be some version of her real name , DH 's mum will be grandma and no idea about DH's step mum. No idea about the grandfathers tho- maybe Pop for DH's dad and grandpa for mine?
DH and I are probably going to be mum and Da. All this being said I hope our kid comes up with some amazing kid form of all of these names!
As for a controlling mother in law ( which I also have) I've found that giving her something to control might help her not want to control everything. Let her be whatever she wants, give her a "job" to do that you don't really care about to keep her out of your hair on other things. Honestly it sounds as if there are other issues to deal with if it's bothering you so much. Setting boundaries and maintaining them is difficult but will be worth it in the end . What your child calls your MIL doesn't sound like a boundary/make or break issue. PM me if you need some advice re: family and boundary things, we've dealt with a few:) good luck !
OP - focus on being happy that your little one has 1) his grandma still alive and you LO can actually meet her, 2) your MIL is excited to be a part of your kid's life, and 3) she wants to carry on a tradition for names that your husband has had, which I find absolutely adorable. You are getting excellent advice from everyone here, even if it's not what you want to hear.
ETA: Tried to fix image
DD 1/3/2012
BFP 5/21/2013 MC 5/24/2013
BFP 7/16/2013 EDD 3/27/2014
My mom has "jokingly" mentioned that she wants to be called Queenie. I laughed it off at first knowing she was only half-serious and then brought it up at the Thanksgiving dinner table to see what the rest of the family thought. It was pointed out that a toddler most likely won't be able to pronounce "Queenie" and it will instead come out as "Weenie." Look who's gonna have the last laugh...
I really couldn't give a shit what other people call their grandparents.
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^^I never said it was 'stupid'.
Not common for where I grew up...
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^^ I agree with FBW