Oh hey, nervous breakdown..

catlin10

Hello everyone. I am not new to the bump but I am very new to the discussion boards. I have read some in the past but i generally just google whatever my question is and let it whisk me away to some never ending discussion board filled with hope and conflicting ideas and everything that is supposed to make you feel better. Well, I'm about to lose it, metaphorically, lose my mind. Which has prompted me to write a blurb in here in hopes someone will tell me i'm not alone and "oh, this all happened to me and I still got pregnant" one way or another.

So here's the deal,

I am 28, married in September 2009, stopped birth control 9/2010, started ttc 1/2011 and sought help from my gynecologist in 3/2012 when it wasn't happening naturally. I've always had inconsistent periods so I was concerned that was an issue. After dragging my feet some time, I was urged to go to a fertility specialist in 10/2012 to get a move on things. I dragged my feet a little longer after the initial meeting because we do not have prescription coverage and could not afford the hundreds of dollars the meds would cost to move forward. In July of this year (2013) my parents offered to pay for all medications to help us. Back to the fertility clinic I went. Since, i've had 4 unsuccessful IUI's, each on clomid 100 except for the last one which was 150 i believe. I have only had one mature follicle each month, but the nurses seemed to think they were perfect and healthy. Hubby's sperm counts have been fairly well, I wouldn't say any are really high, but no one seemed concerned that they were low either. 

Now to the problem and why I'm about to lose it.

They wanted me to start injectables this month. I was already hesitant because I'm sick of this entire process. I'm tired of getting my hopes up every month and everyone telling me everything looks good and it not working. I feel like something must be wrong that everyone is missing, and i'm exhausted. Only a handful of our friends and family even know we've been trying. The support system is there, and it's not at the same time. No one we know understands, no one who knows has ever experienced anything close to this, and none of them are or have ever ttc. So, I want to give up. But I know it'll never happen if i give up and I really should just stay strong. This month gave me a little more hopefulness since we're supposed to start the injectables which may give me a better chance, but I just called to order them and they spew out "The total is $2,177", and my jaw just dropped. It literally took the breath right out of me. I could imagine close to or maybe just over $1,000, but I would have never guessed it would have been that high. I suppose I can call my MD office and ask for something that might be cheaper- but I am just about ready to say screw it and give up. 

I don't know what to do.

FishyMom

And so sorry you're having to deal with this. The medications can get very expensive. Shop around at different pharmacies some of them are cheaper than the other, and call your doctor and see if they have any coupons. If not then you may want to consider taking some time and saving up the money to in order to pay for it if that's the route you want to take. I know that it's not easy. But you need to do what you feel like it's right for you. Good luck!

CameraBug131

Im sorry youre feeling this way. I understand the limited support system, as just my family knows and they know very little about IF and ivf amd often sick their foots in their mouths. I guess the only thing that keeps me going is the idea that this has to work. I am scared that once ivf 1 doesnt work I will lose all faith, so I can understand your frustration. My best advice is to take a mental break if you neee one and make sure you trust your re.

Aurora1181

Hello and I'm sorry you have to be here and are going through this! Shop around for meds and don't be afraid to ask your RE for med samples if he has them. Our injectable IUI was about that price too. It can be scary but I know I just have to keep on keeping on (and we've done 2 IVFs) because I want a child that badly. I think everyone has to decide what they are individually willing to do and can realistically afford. It's tough. If you need extra support, ask your RE to recommend a therapist. I've been going once a month since IVF 1 failed and it has been the best decision I've ever made.

TaylorH84

I'm so sorry you're feeling down and stressed out. the $$ was the biggest issue for us and continues to be moving forward. We are completely out I f pocket so unfortunately thus plats a part in our decisions. That's wonderful that your family is so supportive and are capable and willing to help. Mine did as well which was extremely nice and helped us out a lot. IVF can definitely make you feel very isolated at times and it hurts that no one understands what we are going through. Just know that the ladies here are wonderful and are a great support system! I hope things go smoothly for you and good luck with everything! Also, I did acupuncture to help with the stress of it all. I've also heard other ladies say circle + bloom helps.

O2girl

I'm sorry you got sucker punched by the price of the meds.... They certainly aren't cheap. Like pp said, shop around; I know my RE was very money conscious and gave us a bunch of alternatives for getting our meds.

I know how it feels to get you hopes up just to have them let down; hang in there. Hopefully this will be your fix!

vpine

My opinion?  Save up the money and go straight to IVF since it's success rate is higher than IUI with injectables, IVF will produce more embryos, they can fertilize the egg (ICSI). With IUI, they just insert sperm inside you and hope that it works. With IVF, you get to see on ultrasound screen the actual embryos being put in, already made and you just hope they implant.


(sorry my siggy doesn't update)

OutdoorGirl10

So sorry you're in a rut, it definitely does happen, infertility is a roller coaster of emotions. I can relate to a lot of what you've said, failed IUIs, dragging your feet and having support but not. That's exactly why I joined, I needed to find people that really did understand.  This board is full of supportive people, and sometimes it's the littlest thing someone on here says that can make you feel better, even if it's just for a little bit. You are definitely not alone even though it can feel that way.The way my personality is, I stay hopeful but I think of backup plans in case it doesn't work. Doing that has given me some comfort and let me feel like there was still another option for having a family.  Maybe that would work for you too. Hugs.

Toriables

The ridiculously expensive drugs are just another kick while you're down. Not only is this such an exhausting and disappointing process, but it's a damn expensive one too! I am so sorry that you're going through this, and there are many days that I just want to give up too. But when I pick my chin up and remember that this will all be worth it someday, I somehow get by. You will too. Best of luck!

LSN8308

it is so hard dealing with the financial aspects of IF. i do agree with PP that say to save for IVF, and possibly look into your clinic and see if they offer discounts or price match cheaper clinics. and some offices are rly nice and offer donated meds for OOP patients. and theres a thread on here for OOP ppl to help with meds. best of luck with whatever you decide!

leavehouse

I agree with @vpine. Save and go straight to IVF. I really wished I would have done it and not wasted any money on IUIs with injects. I responded very slowly to gonal f, bravelle and Menopur. Each IUI I spent $4,000 on meds alone and $1,500 each IUI. That's $11,000 on two IUIs! Makes me sick to think about it. It's almost the cost of my IVF (minus the meds). The cost is a shock and I'm sorry you're going through this. Take some time. Talk to your DH and maybe a financial counselor at your REs office. They might have some reasonable loan options. Also check to see if there are any trials in your area. My RE had one where the meds were given to you for participating. Good luck!

babydreams13

I am so sorry. I have done injects for many cycles.  Did you ask your RE if they can donate meds to you? I know many women donate meds to my REs office after they get their BFP.  If you can't get them donated I would save up and go straight to IVF. I did Clomid IUIs and injects IUIs and none of them worked.  See what percentage your RE gives you with an IUI with injects cycle working.  If its low go to IVF.  I know this all sucks trust me- see my siggy- but you will get through it. I'm hoping we all have BFPs in 2014!

badrianne

vpine said:

My opinion?  Save up the money and go straight to IVF since it's success rate is higher than IUI with injectables, IVF will produce more embryos, they can fertilize the egg (ICSI). With IUI, they just insert sperm inside you and hope that it works. With IVF, you get to see on ultrasound screen the actual embryos being put in, already made and you just hope they implant.


(sorry my siggy doesn't update)

I agree with the above statement. If you going to pay for injectables, do IVF.  Multiple eggs and sperm closer to target may not be your issue. Also, what's your diagnosis. I may be making a wrong assumption but It doesn't sound like your IF clinic is giving you much information. The ladies on this board have so much experience. I've learned a lot prior to meeting with my RE which helps me from being shocked by cost,procedures, etc. Sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck