Frenemy Rant

leavehouse

I feel like such an asshole for even saying that I have a "frenemy", but I do. She's always tried to "one up" me in everything... which I could care less about to tell you the truth. I just found out she's 8 weeks pregnant with her second... which is how far along I would have been if our IVF would have worked. JAB to the soul. She was complaining that they tried for 3 months. I told her I've been trying for almost 36 months. I'm happy for her... but it still sucks for me. March can't get here soon enough for our next FET.

So now, I'm here drinking whiskey with my husband, listening to records and making funny videos on instagram and fb.

Do you have a frenemy? How do you deal with them?

BRaven985

Ugh...frenemies are so difficult. My frenemy situation is a little different as it is the wife of one of my best friends so I have found ways to avoid her most of the time. But I couldn't avoid her knowing things and she has reached out before...which I try to think is well intentioned but it's probably just nosiness. I usually try to only have these conversations with her when I've had a few drinks and then just bitch about it later. The nice thing is that I spend most of my time with all guys and they can't stand her and are more than happy to let me vent.  I know that probably isn't too helpful with your situation....But I certainly understand the frustration of a frenemy. Good luck!  And you can't go wrong with whiskey, records, and funny videos

badrianne

After reading your frenemy description, I guess I have one too. I have no idea how to deal especially if she got pregnant. I like your 36 months response

LSU Tigers

I understand. Completely and totally.

I suppose it's in the nature of my work environment, but this has happened for each of our six cycles. Every time I'd get the official BFN, someone would announce their pregnancy. (I'm a teacher and work with a very young staff). A year later, I've gone through each of their pregnancies with them. I've listened to their complaints and attended their showers. Now, I hold their babies and literally look in the sweet faces of "what could've been."

It sucks. No denying it. I'm just hold onto the fact that all of these incidents will make the moment when we actually do have our BFP that much more meaningful.

Enjoy your whiskey. Maybe even go out...college freshman style. That's always a fun go-to!

FloridaSun82

I would have a REALLY hard time if my frenemy got pregnant before I did... I have a friend that I've had since college (13 years) and she ALWAYS needs to one-up me or make sure that her life is worse/harder/more stressful then mine. If I had a bad day at work, she had a bad week at work. If I am annoyed at DH for something, she and her husband had the WORST FIGHT IN THE WORLD. When I got engaged, leading up to my wedding, she did not ask one question - not about planning, not about how I was feeling, not ONE question. However, she got engaged about 8 months after I did, and then she had a TON of questions - how much did you pay for this, who are you using for that. She just doesn't care about anything having to do with my life that she's can't one up or that doesn't benefit her. So, I decided that no matter what, I am not telling her about IVF/Infertility. I don't want to hear a made up story about how she can't have kids either, because I don't believe half of what comes out of her mouth.

LOL, sorry to hijack your post, but you asked how we deal... Truly, I made a decision about a year and a half ago (after my wedding) to start distancing myself. We went from seeing each other every couple of weeks to every couple of months and only communicate via phone/text when we're making plans. I just had to take a step back and realize that I DON'T enjoy talking to her and I don't want to spend the limited free time that I have hanging out with her. I feel a little guilty because we've been friends for so long, but I'm hoping that it will just continue to fade out. No drama, no fight, just fade out.

beth9409

It's hard to deal with people like that. I have had to distance myself from people because they were a drain on my soul. It is okay not to be friends with some people. No matter how long they have been your friend or even if you are forced to see them, you control the friendship. It doesn't make you a bad person to cut your conversations short and avoid them completely if possible. Sometimes toxic people have to go. You have enough to deal with coming from infertility that you don't need others dragging you down.

LeoLauren

I have one. She sees my life and her life as a direct competition. We set her and her husband up and then they moved into our apt building. Everything was a race. I couldn't keep up - she won of course, she got preg right away even though my husband and I were married for 3 years longer. I had to basically cut them out of my life...keep very limited contact even though our husbands are also colleagues. Argh. They moved to a new neighborhood (where we are moving soon, argh) and have already had their second. Best thing I did though was keep my distance. My life was better for it.

tryingtostaypositive

I had one of these too! All this girl wanted to know was what I did each weekend so she can go to same restaurants and then act like she discovered it! Then when I asked what she was doing she would always act like she wasn't sure. Needless to say I cut her out! It wasn't a friendship at all- too much competition that it was making me stressed!

Sunny B

Ugh- that is BRUTAL!!! How do I deal with frenemies? Cut them the hell out!!! NOT worth it.

Chloenme

It is hard, but I had to put myself first and remind me that life is not a commpetition!