TTC but cousin's wedding is looming... am I nuts?

LunaGirl28

I am prob going to sound like a nut asking this (my husband already thinks I'm crazy), but here goes:

My cousin is getting married in February 2015. Yes, I know that's more than a YEAR away. I will be in the wedding and will have to travel 4 hours by plane to attend. My husband and I were casually going to start to TTC next month. I am not stupid and know that the odds of us getting pregnant right away are probably pretty slim but her wedding is constantly on my mind. If I am too pregnant for her wedding and can't travel or just had the baby, I would be absolutely heart broken, but I know I can't stop my life just because of one day.  She just means a lot to me and I am really looking forward to her big day. 

Would you put TTC on hold during the summer months to prevent being too pregnant or would you say f*ck it and just keep on going with your original plan? I know it could take a year, two years or never... so who the heck knows.

A part of me wants to just wait a year to TTC so I don't have to deal w/ this stress (I'm a very anxious person), but my husband told me I'm being ridiculous and that NO ONE plans their life around someone else's wedding. Am I being nutzo?

ks3pink

You husbands right. You're crazy to plan your life around someone else's.

bugandbibs

That's a long time away. Many engagements are called off before than, but even if they do get married I wouldn't wait. I would ttc during months that would put me less than 6 months pregnant and then keep trying after a break. Good luck.

normandyn7

My maid of honor gave birth to her baby girl 2 days after my wedding. She was absolutely stunning in my wedding. I can understand maybe not wanting to travel if you are too close to your due date. Or if you just had the baby it could be tough. But don't plan your life around a wedding. My best friend was supposed to get married in April 2014 and she just called off the wedding. Anything could happen. Good thing I didn't get my dress or my son's tux.

LunaGirl28

Yeah you ladies are right. I am being nuts.. I'm a control freak, clearly! I know that if its not her wedding, it'll be another event right around the corner.. so I shouldn't try and plan when who knows what life will throw our way!

jlbeanza

I was in a wedding when my daughter was 8 weeks old. It was a 6 hour drive away and we made it happen. You'll make it work if you have to, and it's insane to plan around one day.  Best of luck to you!

childtocherish

Your husband is correct you are really crazy.You cannot take such decision just for a marriage.What if your plane is cancelled because of weather or if they postpone their marriage. 

SmileyJay

That is 14 months from now. In my experience, long engagements are the most likely to get called off. Don't plan your life around a wedding. You having a child is a bigger life event than your cousins wedding.

Its good to be realistic so you don't get down if you don't get pregnant right away, but for the majority of healthy couples it happens within the first few cycles. If you have cruised around the bump you will notice that this is not a sample size of the general public. I wouldn't count on it taking over 3 cycles especially if you know when you ovulate, but it's good to be aware it can take a year without fertility issues.

If you are really anxious, then just try for 8 months. The odds of you getting pg is very high unless there are issues you didn't mention. Then tell your cousin if you are preg. She will still have a full 6 months to figure things out. That is tons of time.

Just to give you some perspective, we are ttc next month. If I get pg I will be taking a 13 hour international flight to Russia and going on a weeks worth of walking tours at 4 months pg. 4 hours to a wedding would be totally doable!!

Ttc when you ready, there will always be future events coming up. Good luck ttc!!

Wine&Cupcakes

I agree with most other comments - you can't plan your life around one day of another person's life...that being said, you can try around the dates in order to attempt to be in travelling form when the time comes but, like it's been mentioned, you have no idea how long your TTC journey will be. We have friends who put off TTC for a friend's wedding (she was the MOH) and it ended up being a moot point - it took them over a year to conceive. You never know!

MmmPopcorn

I'm going through the SAME THING. My BIL is getting married in Feb. 2015, and they want an exotic destination wedding, but we're still starting TTC in Feb. 2014. Who knows how long it will take to get pregnant? I don't want to delay things any more than I need to, so we're just going to start trying even though we may not be able to make it to the wedding.

Rache Spoodeena

Hi there, just wanted to share my experience. My DH and I talked about TTC at the end of this year. I was a BM in 3 weddings this year, the last one being end of Sept, and we figured we would start trying then.

Lo and behold I get ahold of a copy of What to Expect Before You're Expecting an I read that it takes a healthy couple ages 25 about 6 months to get pregnant. Add in being a smoker and your eggs ages are 10 years more than your current age. And of course, I wa on BC for 10 years, so I learned that there was a good chance ovulation takes a few cycles to return.

I panicked it would take us forever to get pregnant, and so DH decided to try in Aug, first cycle after coming off BC. Got pregnant, and then spent the next two weeks before my cousin's wedding desperately finding a tailor to resize my dress as I was 2 months preggo at her wedding.

I had no regrets being pregnant at her wedding. I had lots of fun and danced the night away.

If it were me, I would not put TTC on hold. I used to think that way and after being a BM 7 times in 2 years, I realize there is always a wedding, a bachelorette, a dream vacation to go on... Can't wait for everyone else's big moments to pass before you have your own

My pregnancy unfortunately resulted in a m/c, and DH and I are TTC right now. If we are successful, puts me due right when one of my high school best friends is getting married-- and she is getting married out of town, 2.5hrs away. I'm hoping for a baby and missing te wedding

LunaGirl28

Thanks, ladies. You've REALLY helped me on this one!

I knew I was being nuts -- even though it could take us years to conceive, I might put TTC on hold for a few months in the summer so I can't be too pregnant for her wedding due to long travel if I do end up being pregnant.

But I know I can't put my life on hold because of someone else's ONE day.  If it was local, I don't think I would be this nuts at all. She prob would be OK with it.. it's me who can't grasp not being there for her big day because we're so close. I think I'm struggling too because I am dealing w/ irregular cycles right now thanks to going off B.C. 4 months ago, so I have a lot up in the air. Even more reason to start charting, I guess!

pibsquared

I just want to say you are not alone in this. I was looking for a post just like this but my concern was about ettiquette. I want to start trying but some school stuff is putting that on hold for a little bit but in that time frame three engagements have occurred with two weddings in 2015 and one 2016. I want to start trying end of summer and will delay by a month to not conflict with April wedding but a families wedding is in the fall but we don't live far from each other so not really concerned with travel. I didn't know if it was rude to have a baby before her wedding if I was lucky enough to get pregnant. I know you shouldn't plan a wedding before a cousin's that is seen as rude. But if I wait for this cousins wedding the other cousins will be in 2016. I am already over 30 and don't want to wait to ttc. I also know I am being nuts too but like you I also am nervous and I really don't want to piss people off. I don't want to steal their thunder. I would like for the family to be able to meet the kid. My husband says I am nuts but should I at least talk to the cousin or just wait and see how ttc goes?

Jags8

@pibsquared‌ this thread is 6 months old...