First loss

jfout32

I had a miscarriage recently and have been really struggling with accepting it. To some extent I feel like I am facing it alone. I have a wonderful husband but I don't feel he understands at all what I am feeling. He has said himself that he is focusing on the future and he has never shown emotion related to our loss. I normally love this time of year but this year I am really having a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit at all. I usually find myself the most upset at bedtime lately. I have tried talking to him about how I am feeling when I start crying but he often falls asleep before I can explain which hurts and makes me feel even more alone. We live in an area with no family nearby so that adds to it too. I need advice because I am afraid it is beginning to affect our marriage....

aschultz9

That sounds really "typical". Men are different and don't feel this the same as we do. With my loss in September we had to finally just have an honest talk. I had to accept he doesn't feel this like I do. He had to a accept how broken I am and there's nothing he can do to fix it.
Night time is the worst. It does get better eventually. The loss I am currently going through he realizes more I just need him to hold me and love me. He can't take it away. It hurts and is horrible regardless that I just did this in september but I will enjoy Christmas the best I can.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

jfout32

Thanks for the advice! I'm sorry for your loss! I too lost in September. Hang in there and Merry Christmas! 

BKRR0913

I'm so sorry for your loss. This time of year has proven to be particularly difficult for me as well. I lost my baby at 12.5 weeks the day before thanksgiving this year. I agree with what @aschultz9 said. I don't believe they can actually understand and and therefore are automatically somewhat removed from all the feelings we have. I really hope that you and your husband talk this out and enjoy Christmas as best as you can.

francisc

Hi! I think I may be going through a miscarriage right now as well.  

May I just add that you shouldn't expect other people (including your husband) to react the same as you do? What I mean is, just because your husband reacts differently doesn't mean he feels it less painfully, he likely just has a different means of coping with it.  Feel free to post how you're feeling here as we will more likely feel the same as you. Men, or even other women, may react a little differently.   

Also, you could let your husband know how you feel, but let him grieve in his own way too. This is the time that you should lean on each other for support so I hope that you do not let this affect your marriage.  

You are not alone. Yes it feels lonely sometimes, and it hurts, and it's ok to feel that way and hopefully it gets better soon.  Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

jchuntoon05

I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry you feel like you're going through this alone..Its rough..I found that everyone on here is incredibly nice and they understand what you are going through. They are always willing to let you message them or just have kind words.

As for your husband...like everyone has said men grieve differently than we do. He hugs me when I feel the worst. I know he cares and wants to be there for me but I dont think he knows how to...just make sure to communicate with him..if you stop thats when things start to get bad.

nightowl1989

I'm sorry for your loss. I have been going through a similar situation and it's my second loss. PP, thanks for suggestions that will help me too.