Family inviting themselves to anatomy scan.

mamalindsayof3

When my sister was pregnant, she was 18, single, and scared. I was with her first each and every one of her appointments including her anatomy scan where we found out she was having a boy. It was an amazing experience, and I was also there for the birth. I mean front an center.

So fast forward almost 6 years later, I'm due in June. She asked me today when the anatomy scan is scheduled for and I told her Jan. 27th. She immediately goes into how she's going to request off, etc so she can be there. In ALL honesty, I don't recall telling her she could come. And she's not invited. No one aside from my H will be there. We want to experience our first pregnancy just the two of us, this is a once in a lifetime thing and it's just important to us.

Anyway, she's butt hurt over this. Part of me feels bad because yes, I did get to experience everything with her for her pregnancy, but the other part just really wants this to be a special thing for my H and I.

Someone make me feel better about this, or tell me what I should have done instead?? I hate that she's disappointed but this is just how I'm feeling.

AnnaKaie

It will be only DH and I at our ant scan. I had invited my mom for the gender one but she declined. If they find something wrong at the ant scan, I want it to be just us so we can have some time to process everything. 

flerlgirl

If you don't want her there, that's your call! I imagine she feels embarrassed because she assumed incorrectly but she's grown and needs to get over it. You get to call those kinds of shots! And get used to butthurt family members - that is parenting, my friend

crhein26

I don't think there is anything wrong with your decision.  I'm not sure how you broke the news to her, but that could be part of the reason she is bummed.  Sometimes things like this are just delicate and difficult for people to understand.  I think you just need to explain to her that it is a different situation with your first than it was with hers.  She was single.  You are married.  This is special to you and your husband and you really want to find out the gender just the two of you.  Do something special for her, just the two of you so she feels involved.  Maybe do a special gender reveal just for her, and tell her you are going to do it so she has something to look forward to.  Either way, good luck.  

curlylocks3

Your decision is yours to make, and while she might feel hurt by it, its not an unreasonable choice by any means. I don't have any great suggestions, but I wish you luck in communicating this to her. 

kymirandar

My Mother in Law has done the same thing, and can get over it. More power to ya sister! If you want it to be you and your husband, then that's who it should be.

TheMrs820

AnnaKaie said:

It will be only DH and I at our ant scan. I had invited my mom for the gender one but she declined. If they find something wrong at the ant scan, I want it to be just us so we can have some time to
process everything. 

i am confused isn't the ant (anatomy) scan the same as the gender scan?

momof5sept18

@TheMrs820

The 20wk anatomy scan is where you find out the gender as well, so yes.

rmjones15

I'm with pp, parenting is gonna be a whole lot of people inserting themselves in your family's business. Just consider this practice

MrsCase1

Some places don't even let you have others in the room aside from your spouse so you don't have to worry about having an entourage. I think she needs to put her feelings aside for you. Don't feel bad!!

arekeweg

You have every right to dictate who is there and who isn't. I don't understand all of these people that automatically think they're welcome to every step during the pregnancies! Everyone's pregnancies are different and everyone has their own opinions on what they want. Honestly, if someone told me they were going to be part of a scan, delivery, etc I'd have a hard time not laughing at them. I know your situation is a bit different but stick to your guns! Also remember that your DH is part of this decision too an if he feels strongly one way, that can also be part of the explanation.

allrightmeow

Don't feel bad, it's your call.  The circumstances are different and she should respect that.  She can have the honor of being the first to know outside of the two of you. 

AnnaKaie

TheMrs820 said:

It will be only DH and I at our ant scan. I had invited my mom for the gender one but she declined. If they find something wrong at the ant scan, I want it to be just us so we can have some time to process everything. 

i am confused isn't the ant (anatomy) scan the same as the gender scan?

Our clinic gave us an option for a gender only scan at 16 weeks because of family reasons. My anatomy scan isn't until Jan 15. 

mrs_drc_rn

I think you made the right decision and should make sure you're doing what you want. It's truly a special time and I only want DH there as well. Maybe you can make her feel better by telling her she'll be one of the first you'll tell the gender to. Possibly get a little gift for her when you reveal to her?

cMichelle0423

Like pp said, it's your decision... you can also talk to her and try giving her another perspective... like whenever she is married (assuming she's not? Idk) and she and her H have a baby together, she'll understand why it's so important to share that experience together... its different when you're a single mom who doesn't have a SO to be there to experience everything. Either way she'll eventually have to get over it. It's your pregnancy, therefore, you call the shots.

katekat8721

TheMrs820 said:

It will be only DH and I at our ant scan. I had invited my mom for the gender one but she declined. If they find something wrong at the ant scan, I want it to be just us so we can have some time to process everything. 

i am confused isn't the ant (anatomy) scan the same as the gender scan?

Eh... kinda sorta? The anatomy scan is about an hour long and it's looking at so much more than just the sex. If you get a gender scan, it's usually elective, 15 mins long and the sole purpose is to find out the sex.

flerlgirl

BrightEyes112 said:

While it is an appt to find out the sex, that's actually not the point of the anatomy scan. It's an important scan to see how the baby is developing in ALL its anatomy. I wouldn't let anyone come (besides h) and I wouldn't feel bad for a second.

Also jan 27 is an awesome date for an anatomy scan. That's mine too!

That's my Mamaw's birthday!! We are so connected.

Luna C

Anyway, she's butt hurt over this. Part of me feels bad because yes, I did get to experience everything with her for her pregnancy, but the other part just really wants this to be a special thing for my H and I.

*** 

You got to experience it because she invited you to. You are not inviting her -- as is your right, and frankly, the much more common response. 

If people want 15 people at every appointment, go for it. But most people want a more "intimate" gathering for these things, and they have every right to expect that -- and for their families to respect that. You have nothing to feel bad about. 

Uptowngirl2009

My MIL is upset that we won't let her come in for the a/s. I guess DH is still hearing about it from her. I can see that she is also going to be upset when she finds out she can't be in the room during the birth. But my motto is, "She'll get glad again."

Belinda80

Why would anyone be upset it took 2 ppl to make your baby your husband and yourself that's it. My family and I are really close and when I blurted out I knew the sex of the baby my brother and dad stopped me and said " you need to tell your husband first!!!!!" It's should be understandable that some things should be private and who should know first. Just my point of view

anordstrWed114947

lindsaynewbride10 said:

"It was an amazing experience, and I was also there for the birth. I mean front an center".

"and it's just important to us.

.

Not saying you are wrong. You have every right to say how it goes. Only going to offer you this.

Remember that amazing feeling you felt being there for her? Seeing it all. It's been 6 years and now she wants to be there for you.

And I'm sure it's not just only important to you and husband. It's important to all those who love and support you.

Just explain yourself. Tell her you understand her feelings but this is why.

Please don't take this the wrong way

MaidMarion25

After your anatomy scan you could schedule an elective us or a 3d us and invite her to that once you know everything is okay.

LKHoffa

I agree that if you do something to make your sister feel important, she will understand. She probably just wants to know that her support means as much to you as yours did to her. And she probably just wants to know that you think of her more highly than "everyone else" that is excited for your baby, if that makes sense!

Nancy1250

Wanna hear something Inappropriate...

A neighbor asked my husband and I to be at our homebirth. Awkward!

LilyGracesMommy

I can understand where she is coming from " you were there for mine so I will be there for yours" however, the way you describe her situation then compared to your now is completely different circumstances... as other posters have said it is your decision and while she may be upset in the short term, she will get over it... stick to your guns and do what you feel is right.

Nancy1250

c_a_mag@hotmail.com said:

Nancy1250 said:

Wanna hear something Inappropriate...

A neighbor asked my husband and I to be at our homebirth. Awkward!

Whaaaaat?!? What was her rationale for asking that? People are cray cray!

No rationale. We told our amazing (yes, they are great) neighbors that we were having a baby. A few mins later I mentioned we were doing a homebirth. She looked at us and said "can we be there?"

Um. Silence.

I broke the awkwardness with "you'll be the first ones we call after I give birth" i told her that noone will be there except DH. Then she said "you should reconsider"


Hahahahahahahaha. People have balls.

katekat8721

@nancy1250 you're home birthing twins? Holy cow mama, you are super woman!

Pepper6

Nancy1250 said:

Wanna hear something Inappropriate... A neighbor asked my husband and I to be at our homebirth. Awkward!

Whaaaaat?!? What was her rationale for asking that? People are cray cray!

No rationale. We told our amazing (yes, they are great) neighbors that we were having a baby. A few mins later I mentioned we were doing a homebirth. She looked at us and said "can we be there?" Um. Silence. I broke the awkwardness with "you'll be the first ones we call after I give birth" i told her that noone will be there except DH. Then she said "you should reconsider" Hahahahahahahaha. People have balls.

Wow....

Nancy1250

katekat8721 said:

@nancy1250 you're home birthing twins? Holy cow mama, you are super woman!

Ohno! Just 1 baby!!!

no twin homebirth :-O heheh

2blessingsin1

My H and I talk about the finding out of the sex... and we agreed to avoid hurt feelings from all sides it would be me and him finding out and having a special way to reveal it to our families.

With my oldest son.... his father and I were separated and when the day to find out what we were having arrived.... in walked his mom (who I could not stand and still cannot stand)

Ultimately it comes down to everyone respecting yours and your H wishes.

Hope all goes well.