STM that work full time...

fee1124

I am struggling with the fact that I will be returning to work full time (plus) after 8 short weeks of maternity leave...financially part time is not an option...as a child I was very fortunate to have my mother home until I went to school...I know lots of moms do this and are successful..I'm just afraid of missing out on my baby growing and changing and even feel a little resentful about it...fill me in on how you've managed and all your experiences/insight

ksulli

It does suck sometimes. But if I wasn't working, she wouldn't have a lot of the advantages in life that she will, and I wouldn't be the fully engaged mother that I am when I'm home because being with a baby full time is really draining, and living where we do it would probably be isolating. By working I'm being a great role model for her, showing her mommies can do real jobs too, and demonstrating a lot of how to be responsible- it's not always about doing what you want, but doing what needs to be done.

DH and I have been able to work our schedules so that he leaves the house by 6:30 which allows him to pick DD up early, and I show up at 9, which allows me to drop her off a little later. Makes her time at school shorter and her time at home longer.

I also find that she is really thriving at school (her daycare is a preschool with extended hours & a toddler room). The weeks when she transitioned from the baby to toddler room she would come home singing fragments of new songs every day and was just lighting up at all she was newly learning and exposed to. She is very into her numbers/letters/colors, which are certainly things I would know to work on with her at home, but seeing the 'cool big kids' know them & like them probably makes her more engaged.

if you find a provider your really love it gets much easier.

babym6705

I don't have any secret tip for you, but I am a STM who will have to return to work too. I really want to stay at home but we can't afford it. I resent it too.

Teresa1896

It always sucks to leave your baby, no doubt about it. I just try to focus on the positives- the socialization she's getting at daycare gives her something I can't, ya know? And the time she spends with her grandparents is just priceless to them.

Sarahjess06

It does stink going back, and unfortunately you do miss some things... For me I missed the first time my DS crawled. Just focus on the positives, you're getting out of the house and seeing other adults. I've been off work for almost a month now and there are days I feel like I'm going crazy, because I have almost no adult interaction. You're providing for your child, and that's what is most important.

ckred27

You still get plenty of exp w. your lil one! I love my job and will never quit and I love my kids and the time that I get to spend playing with them is even more special to me because  of the fact that it isnt all day  With 4 kids ill probably see work as a much needed break to adult land

LolaX2

I am a STM that works full time. I was lucky with my first that I got to stay home until he was almost 6 months old. I wish I could stay home or at least only be part time. One good thing that I have noticed and really appreciated though is that he gets great interaction with a few other kids his age as well as some older children (after school) at his in home day care. We have a wonderful provider and her own 3 kids are so great with our DS as well as the other 2 full time toddlers she watches and one other toddler every other week a few days. i feel that he learns so many valuable skills and just the exposure to them and all the things that she teaches them together as well. I see some of my friends kids that do not get much interaction with other children especially their age and they seem so much more unsure of them selves/don't know how to know how to play with others etc. 

It is hard leaving DS  to work all day them only having a few hours with him at night before bed time with the rush of dinner, bath and a little play, and weekends seem so full as that is when all other family want to see us/him.

pleasantsarg

fee1124 said:

I am struggling with the fact that I will be returning to work full time (plus) after 8 short weeks of maternity leave...financially part time is not an option...as a child I was very fortunate to have my mother home until I went to school...I know lots of moms do this and are successful..I'm just afraid of missing out on my baby growing and changing and even feel a little resentful about it...fill me in on how you've managed and all your experiences/insight

One thing I would suggest would be to extend your maternity leave if at all possible. 8 weeks seems really short to me- and i am betting it will seem short to you too.

If you can work part time then go back full time to extend this, I would do it. I agree that it is beyond hard to leave your child- I work fulltime now but worked part time at my job since he was 6wks old, this helped me to be around more when he was little. When he was 4 months, i  went back full time. 
I am not saying Mom's and Dads aren't equally important, but babies really need mommy when they are really young.

fee1124

Thank you all for the responses...I do not think part time will be an option due to the nature of my job. I'm already obligated to do a little more than full time. I am super fortunate to have both sets of grandparents close by and willing to help with child care...I guess we'll just have to make it work. It is reassuring that other moms have found many positive aspects to having kids in daycare.

ModishMom

Sometimes it's hard being away, and there will always be guilt.  But especially as a toddler it's great for her to have the interaction with other kids.  I definitely see a positive difference as compared to my friends who have kept their kids home or at in home daycares.  You won't miss out on developmental milestones.  You'll work it out.  

MalyJ

No matter what, you will go through moments of guilt and will question yourself. As a teacher, I have had some extended time (summers, holiday breaks, etc) where I've temporarily been a SAHM. Personally, I find that I am so much more patient, tolerant, and truly value the time with DS when I'm working. From 3:30 on when he gets picked up from the sitter, I am 100% into him. What he wants to do, we do. He wants to help me cook? Sure. Wants to play outside? Of course. However when I'm on breaks, I get distracted with "stuff" and tend to pay less attention to him and am worried more about my schedule, knowing I've got days/weeks to spend with him. Over this past summer break, he even started saying 'Mommy, phone down' and that was a real wake up call. I don't take my evenings and weekends for granted, ever. And honestly, it's great to know that he misses me during the day. His "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" I get every day when I pick him up is well worth it. You know, distance makes the heart grow fonder? Either way, when you go back to work, you will quickly figure things out. Like a few of my friends, you may realize the working mom life is not for you and you may become a SAHM, even though while pregnant, my friends swore it wasn't possible. Just know guilt is normal. I still feel it from time to time. As the product of two working parents, I turned out just fine, have no doubt that both of my parents have always loved me, never questioned my mom's motives, and fully realize that for my three sisters and I, it's what worked. And now it works for DS and I too.

PurpleSnapDragons

I went back to work around then. It's really hard at first. I felt like I had joint custody with daycare and I got nights and weekends :-(. It was especially hard at first because des didn't nap awesome there and would fall asleep by 6:30 at night. When I worked out I just wouldn't see my baby awake. It really does get better and easier though. Good luck!