there will be no one around to celebrate with me, by the time I'm done pushing everyone away!
Going through IF it had become harder and harder to be around anyone who was pregnant, had a baby, or was planning to have a baby (assuming it would be easy of course) . . . And since loosing our babies, there's not many people I feel like being around at all. DH and I say that we're allowed to be in self-protection mode right now, which I think is true - its still so fresh. But hopefully we'll be cycling again soon . . . .so it seems there's a chance that my wall might be up for good.
Which, you know, I'm kind of okay with. I'm a somewhat shy and private person anyways. I have my DH - my best friend. And my family, esp. my sister and mom - my other best friends . . . . So, the thought of pushing away - or pulling away from - other people doesn't usually bother me too much . . . . until I think about when (not if!) we *do* have a healthy baby one day, and there will be no one left to celebrate with, have a shower with, email pis to, etc.! Sucks. Yet another thing "lost" to IF.
Thank goodness for you ladies - I know you'll cheer for me
Re: I'm worried that when I have a baby
Of course we'll cheer for you!! Most of the time this board and the wonderful, remarkable women on it, is the ONLY place I can come where others "get it" and totally understand.
I definately understand what you are talking about by pushing people away though. (granted I haven't been through the loss you have, but have had a m/c and a chem. PG). I used to be more open with my IF to people around me (I always felt that being open about it meant educating people which hopefully would = greater sensitivity from those who've not experienced IF), but as of late, I really don't discuss it with much of anyone anymore (including my mom, with whom I share everything)
I guess when it all comes down to it, when we are blessed with a healthy full term PG, thats really all that matters. Those that love and care about us will be there for us, sharing in our joy and happiness. Those that aren't probably aren't all the substancial in our lives anyways.
Big hugs to you and prayers for you and your dh that you will always remember your little ones, and be able to heal, love and support each other on your path to parenthood.
Jenn
"The Sisterhood of Infertility" Blog
Cycle#18=BFP....M/C @ 7w2d...heartbroken
IUI #1 (cycle 25) = Chem PG, IUI # 2 Cycle 32 = BFFN! SURPRISE--- We're PG!! Break Cycle BFP November 2009!!!! M/C # 2
Sadly, a Mommy to 3 Angel Babies
"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality." John Lennon
God Bless. We're here for ya!
Your true friends will still be there and, when that time comes like we know it will, all sorts of other doors will open for new relationships.
I feel the exact same way. I am terrified that people will be more like "thank God they finally got pg because we're sure tired of her being obsessed with having a baby." Maybe that is just my paranoia, but that's how I feel. Oh well. I really don't even care anymore. I just want a baby for my DH and me. If no one is happy for me, then so be it. They'll never understand anyway.
I hope 2009 is the year for you and me both. Just know that we will all be THRILLED for you!
I will celebrate with you. Seriously. I have been thinking about you so much lately, and I want you to know that I'm here if you need some IRL support. Please feel free to email me anytime. I will send you a PM with my email address.
I'm sorry that yo're feeling this way. My relationships with friends and family has definitely suffered because of my infertility, so I can relate. I have managed to keep many of my friends, but only because I've toughened my skin and learned to "turn the other cheek" when they do or say things that upset me. Maybe that's a good thing, but I'm not so sure.
Edit duplicate post
I feel ya'. I've definitely distanced myself from my friends who are pg or have babies - it's just too hard. My friendships have certainly suffered because of IF and I'm trying hard to maintain them. ((( BIG HUGS )))
Marisa
Of course we will be here to cheer you on, and we are here right now as a shoulder to cry on.?
You have been through so much. ?I think your DH is right, you are in self-protection mode now, and that is totally OK. ?And you are right too. ?I think every time we suffer the loss of a loved one, we are forever changed. And that is OK, too.
I would, however, hazard a guess, that everyone in your life has so much respect for your courage and strength( just as we all do!) that when you have your healthy baby, EVERYONE will be there to help you celebrate ( us included!)
Hugs to you and I hope that 2009 brings you all that you deserve.