Curiousity - Babysitters/leaving your kids

tbmadeamistake

So the myself, the woman who runs C's daycare, and her sister, all have very different views of leaving our children.  I am content to leave C with someone I trust, be it a babysitter or a family member, while I go out for a few hours.  My MIL routinely takes her for full days on the weekends.  I am also content, not half as often, to leave her home with her Dad for overnights if I have to go away for work, or to have him take her on a trip to see his family in Canada if I can't get the time off work.  I think it's healthy for us both to get some time away, and for her to learn that when we leave her, we will come back (she's 19 months).  I've always felt this way.  DH and I need alone time, so she gets a sitter now and then.  I have not yet left her overnight with someone other than DH or I, but as that will most likely happen when I give birth to this one, I'm not against it. 

The woman who runs the daycare will leave her kids a few hours, mostly with family, but has done one overnight away from her four year-old, ever.  Her sister won't even let her kids have babysitters.  They either use family, or they don't go out, and they NEVER go away overnight.

What are your thoughts?  When would you feel comfortable leaving your LO with a sitter or overnight with someone other than yourself?  I find the whole thing super interesting, the different takes and thoughts on it.

nunzchucks

DD has been with both sets of grandparents overnight for weddings we have to go to. I don't think I'd be ok leaving the kids overnight with a sitter that isn't family until the youngest is 3-4ish. I say this only because any sitter we might get would be in HS.

rainbowdashh

I've left my 16 month old for a week only once. I actually hated it haha. I don't plan on doing it again mostly because it stressed me out so badly. My husband did great with her, but she still nurses to sleep and nights were rough for them both.

As far as during the day, I'll leave her with any of my family members. I have plenty willing to watch her, so I've never really needed a babysitter. I think I would be a little hesitant with a sitter, but I'm not very trusting.

ETA

My first night without my daughter she was only 15 months. Still not super comfortable with it. I was comfortable leaving her with relatives at about 2ish months, when she wasn't nursing 24/7 anymore.

erind228

My kids have been left overnight a few times.  It doesn't happen often, but when we do leave them it is either with my inlaws or my mom.  I agree that I think that it is healthy to get away every now and again.  Now, my BIL and SIL leave my nephew(4) and niece (3 months old) with my inlaws like every other weekend.  My kids actually think that my nephew lives with my inlaws.  I think that is a little excessive, but I do think it is good to leave them every now and then.  Actually, my birthday is coming up at the beginning of Jan, and I asked my mom to keep my kids overnight as a birthday treat to myself. 

Bmcmullin01

We left my daughter for our first Vegas trip with my mom when she was 5 months old. We were getting married in Vegas just us. And she did great. I left her a week before that overnight for my bachelorette party and she was with my husband. We went to Vegas for our anniversary this year and she stayed one Night with his mom and two nights with mine. She does only ever get overnights with grandma. And she had one recently. She loves it and the grandparents love it. And it gives us time together

MNOpea

I have never left #1 overnight. He never took a bottle and nursed several times overnight until he was 1 (he's almost 19m). The longest he's been babysat is 6ish hours and that was after he was 1, and he's only ever stayed with family, but I am not against a non-family member babysitter, we just haven't ever needed one. Honestly I think the first time I will be away from him overnight is when this baby is born.

owlcup

I only leave the kids with dh's parents or my dad and brother. They will only stay overnight at the inlaws. But even then dd has stayed over twice and ds has stayed over once. Dd also stayed alone with dh when I had ds.

I have major anxiety and just can't leave them with someone I don't completely trust with their lives. I left dd with a friend for an hour last year and had a full blown panic attack while I was gone.

Bmcmullin01

My husband and I both work part time so dd has been babysat by my SIL and her urgent babysitter 4 days a week every week. So having a non family member watching her doesn't bother me anymore unless I don't know them

SecondTimeinMSU

I wish I had more people I knew and trusted to leave DS with. We are moving across town closer to my sister so I am hoping that will facilitate more baby sitting swapping though I can't image taking her three kids overnight so I think that will still be out. Unfortunately I think our next night alone will be when we are in the hospital, how romantic =P. I think once the kids are older they'll enjoy overnighting more at my parents but my sister's kids have been really hard on my parents for overnights so I think they are burnt out on that for awhile. Also budget is an issue now with babysitters since if you have to pay a babysitter plus then for the night out it gets to be a lot, maybe down the road when we don't have two in daycare I'll feel more comfortable splurging more often

tbmadeamistake

My first night away was a week long trip for work when C was 9 months.  Luckily I was so busy that I didn't have time to miss her much during the days, and she was on formula by then.  DH did a great job.  Since then she hasn't had any nights away from me, but she's going to Canada with DH in two weeks for a long weekend.  She does fine with sitters during the day/evenings as well.  I guess if she was more difficult when we were gone (cried a lot or got way off schedule), it might be different. 

 

Cherylwang

My mom is pretty much the only person I leave my kids with overnight while they are babies. My 3 year old has never slept anywhere else besides with me, my husband, or my mom and dad. My 7 year old has slept at a aunts house. I have a out of town wedding that I am the moh in when this baby will be 4 months. So my parents will have all 3 kids for a weekend. I have a bachelorette party (overnight) when the baby will be only 3 months. So I will leave the baby w my husband that weekend.

liberty95

We've done a few overnights away from my 22 month old son. He has only stayed with my parents though.  Mostly because they dog sit for us as well and MIL doesn't have the space to do both.  We only use family as babysitters right now, but that's because it is convenient and free! We are planning to move sometime soon and I imagine at that point I will try to find a local babysitter for date nights and the like.

SecondTimeinMSU

I guess I should add I've been away before for work and so has DH. DH's old job sent him to China for a few days and that was really hard since he had no way to call us so I know he missed DS a ton. I know DH was hesitant to go but they didn't want anyone but him or his coworker who really didn't want to go so I encouraged him since something like that is once in a lifetime and DS was almost one. I went on a trip for my work too but DH and DS joined me after it was done so that made it easier knowing that we'd have fun family time soon. 

ksyknelvr73

I was super paranoid with DS when he was little. I would leave him for a couple hours at a time, with either MIL or my mom, but that was about it - well, except for the fact that he started daycare full time at 6 months old. So I trust my daycare providers completely for the care during the day. But as far as outside of daycare, we were pretty reluctant to leave him for quite a while. He didn't spend the night away until he was almost a year old and that was with my parents. Now that he's gotten older, we are much more open to leaving him with family members and also my niece babysits somewhat regularly (she is 15). But when they are babies, I just have a really hard time leaving. I think we may ease up a bit with this baby, but I can't say for sure.

Lynnja616

DS and DD have both spent the night with my parents and my inlaws.  NBD.

snowpants

As with most aspects of parenting, I think balance is key.

You need some me-time or date nights with your SO sometimes because it's important for your own health and for your relationship.  I happen to think that it's possible to drop the kids off too often (especially overnights) and it's not what I prefer anyway.  I've had 4 nights away from my DD in her 2+ years and that's about right for me.  (Each time she slept and her grandparent's house.)  DH and I get out on a kids-free date for an evening every month or two, and we also each have a boy's night or girl's night with our friends maybe once a month at the most when the other parent stays home.  Besides that we do a lot of socializing with families who have kids too so I don't think we're isolated or anything.  It might not be the right balance for everyone, but it is for us.

babygabe614

We have only used family for a sitter for my stepson, beginning when I first met him when he was age 4. These were not overnight sitters at that age, but would sometimes be there a few hours after he went to bed if we were away at a wedding or something.

Now he is 8 yrs old and he stays overnight with my mom on occasions, as he did this past weekend, when we had a commitment in the evening about 45 mins away. It's just easier for both him and my mom that we let him stay over there so we don't have to wake them in the middle of the night to pick him up. He's comfortable staying with her so it's a non issue for everyone. I know he also stays overnight, sometimes for a couple days at a time, with grandparents on his mother's side as well as aunts and uncles, especially during the summer.

I don't think either of us would have a non-family babysitter overnight at this point but we would certainly have one for a few hours in the evening or something. The only reason we resort to family is we don't really know any highschool aged kids in our area who could babysit.

ElTrain5

Our baby is going to be in daycare starting at 4 months for 3 days a week since both I and DH work full time, so I guess I will have to be pretty comfortable leaving her with non-related caregivers by that point. 

Luna C

I haven't had to do it yet, as a FTM, but I think it's healthy to teach the kids that they don't have to be attached to you to be safe.

My cousin didn't spend a single night away from her children until they were 10 and 8, and by then she did (for a family wedding) it was traumatizing for all of them and I know she didn't enjoy a minute of the party.

I'm not sure how soon is too soon, but definitely by school-age is too late for them to not have been away from Mom and Dad, in my opinion.  

I love to travel. It's my one indulgence, and Dude and I have already agreed that either one of us should feel free to take weekends away and eventually longer trips solo, or to leave the kid with his grandma (assuming she's willing) so we can get away together for a few days. We'll also be traveling with the kid. Which I mention only because we've had people tell us that we "can't" take any trips except to Disney now for the next however many years.

diagonalley

I'm not opposed to leaving my children for a night.  I would like to still have a life with my husband and friends once our baby is born.  In fact, I turn 30 a month after baby is due and fully intend on going out to celebrate, but am leaving him most likely with my parents.  I am sure it will be incredibly hard to do and I know the timing is not the best, but I only turn 30 once and I'm definitely looking forward to having a special outing with close friends and my husband.

ElTrain5

Luna C said:

I love to travel. It's my one indulgence, and Dude and I have already agreed that either one of us should feel free to take weekends away and eventually longer trips solo, or to leave the kid with his grandma (assuming she's willing) so we can get away together for a few days. We'll also be traveling with the kid. Which I mention only because we've had people tell us that we "can't" take any trips except to Disney now for the next however many years.

THIS.  I work for a major airline and have a serious case of wanderlust.  Believe me, I will be strapping this kid into an airplane seat the second it develops a decent immune system.  The "Can't travel" people usually never travelled before they had kids anyways, so now that it's harder they just give up. 

christinemurray91

We've never used a sitter and we probably won't. We have lots of family locally, so they take her when we need a break  (usually its once every 2-3 weeks for a few hours).

That being said, we've had 2 nights away from her, but both were around/after she turned two. That was mainly because we just didn't have time before then, tbh.

 I think it's great to have time away from your kids, and for them to be away from you. It's healthy for both you and the baby. I couldn't imagine  *never* having a break.

Edit: I've always referred to babysitters as non-family.

ElTrain5

We know this couple that we used to see at a bar near our house who made a "date night' each week.  It's a really awesome craft beer place, and so every Sunday between like 3 and 6 they would go there, drink craft beer, eat burgers/wings, and just hang out.  I think they hired a sitter for the 3 hours.  That sounds like a tradition I could get into

tbmadeamistake

That's just it.  I feel like if we could afford it, we'd probably go out more because we could afford the sitter (for dinner's, not lots of overnights).  I'm not sure how I'd feel leaving her with non-family over night, definitely not yet.  I do want to try it with my ILs and my parents, to see how she does.  She naps well when she's at either house, with or without us, so I'm not terribly worried about an overnight.  I don't think I had an overnight with non-family until I was about 5, and I had two older and one younger siblings, so it was a family affair. 

I can understand nerves, and I can understand wanting family over non-family (be it trust or $ issues), I just don't think I understand people who NEVER leave their children, ever.  I don't judge, to each their own, but I know that I need my me time, and that DH and I need our together time. 

mommyof2boys922

Both of my boys have only ever stayed the night with my parents or my ex husbands.... And usually my mom will watch them if need be.
I worry to much about doing sleep overs etc.
I am just one of those mom's that worry someone can come in and out of a house anytime...
I know I will have to let up a bit as my oldest is 9...

Bmcmullin01

Agree @Lilygrace48

lifeisbetteronthered

I was just about to say that I've never left DD (10 months) for the night, but then realized some of you were counting leaving your kids with DH. In that case I leave her all the time. I'm a surgeon who is on call an average every 4th day. Meaning I leave the house at 530am one day, and return for dinner the next day. It can be tough on me when I miss something fun, but DH and DD are thriving.

We haven't left her with anyone else overnight yet, but will eventually. She has been babysat by family occasionally since she was a couple of months old. We haven't yet had to find a non-family babysitter.

allrightmeow

I have left my daughter overnight with family friends we trust and family members.  My husband has stayed with her when I go away to visit friends in New York for 5 days to a week and I've gone out of the country and he's looked after her.  Hubby and I went out of the country together for about 11 days and my sister looked after her while we were gone.  

I once got screamed and called names by a mom on a cafemom blog post about mommy guilt. She felt I was horrible for even leaving my daughter with her father.  She said she would never leave her precious angel with anyone because no one can take care of them like she can.  I told her good luck with that.  

Rosebud2587

DD goes to a daycare center twice a week and I am perfectly ok with that but when it comes to leaving DD with a babysitter so DH and I can have a date night, well DD is 2 and we've only left her with a baby sitter twice.

Usually DH and I only have a date night if family is visiting/we're visiting family. My parents watched DD for 4 days in September while DH and I went on a 4 yr belated honeymoon and to celebrate getting though another deployment. (Hello June baby! Lol) I was comfortable having my parents watch DD for those 4 days but I wouldn't trust anyone else, not even my MIL. 

Belinda80

Unfortunately I have zero help from anyone other than my mom and husband. My mom takes care of her while I work so she never takes care of her on the weekends it when we are off. My husband works a lot so I'm always with her and I'm so paranoid with those mean babysitters that I rather take care of her myself. Plus I had my fun before having kids, now I want to enjoy life with them as cheesy as it may sound .

lucreciac

We have no family close by - we are in NJ, my fam is in Florida and my ILs are in London. That being said, we have a sitter we've left Charlie with to go to dinner and stuff, but I wouldn't leave him overnight with them. We have left him overnight once when he was 5 months old - we were in London for a wedding and left him with my MIL. I think if we lived closer to family and had that option, we would do it more often. That being said, I totally believe in traveling with kids. Charlie went to London at 5 months and has been to Florida to my parents multiple times (he's 13 mos now). We are big travelers and don't plan to stop just because we have kids.

MaidMarion25

This is really tough for me and DH, I feel comfortable leaving our LO with my in laws (my family all lives in another state), and I would feel comfortable leaving LO with DD to babysit (she will be 19 when this baby is born). However I don't think I can trust a babysitter I don't know, even when LO is older, I feel like it's too risky these days. I'm even worried about the days when he is older and wants to have sleepovers! I feel like such a worry wart but I can't help it...

flerlgirl

DS has some medical issues that require training to deal with, so I wouldn't leave him with just anyone, even if I trusted them. However, my parents, sister, and SIL watch him a lot for me, and they have taken a ton of time to familiarize themselves with his situation. I have never left him overnight but that's because we never go anywhere, haha. 

Next year when he isn't so fragile and when the new baby is here, I would totally leave them overnight with someone I trusted, whether that was a friend, family member, DCP, etc. As long as they have shown me they aren't a serial killer and understand what my kids need, they can keep them alllll night long