NBR: Etiquette

acrookston

So my family and I went around to our neighbors last night to wish them a Merry Christmas and give them a plate of cookies.  I bought plates especially for the occasion so they wouldn't have to worry about giving back because y'know it's a gift.  So we went to my one neighbor's house and she immediately said "Oh, I will have to give this plate back to you filled with something yummy."  I replied "Oh, the plate is yours to keep!  No need for anything in return.  We just wanted to give your family a few treats and wish you a Merry Christmas."  Well while she chatted with us, she proceeded to empty our treats off the plate and put on other treats that people had brought to her house earlier for a Girl Scout Ceremony. 

Of course, we graciously accepted what she offered us but it kind of rubbed me the wrong way....  Am I out of line for feeling that way?

snmetz7

What is her nationality? In my culture, pakistani, it is rude to keep a dish (plate, patter, even cheap ass tupperware) and the rule is you MUST give it back with something equally as tasty.
eta we are no cannibals lol

Linnea503

I think she just misunderstood. That was really nice of you to do, now you have a plate to keep or use as a hostess gift or something.

moonsparkles

snmetz7 makes a good point.  

If she isn't from another culture though, it's a bit wierd, but obviously way more about her and her nerves/feeling/whatever than about you.  Maybe she's on a diet and was wondering what on earth to do with all the christmas goodies. Perhaps she was feeling guilty that she hadn't put anything together for you.  It could be any number of things. 

In any case, the point is that you guys did a lovely thing for her, and that's what she'll remember. So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

deidremaria

First of all, that was such a nice gesture on your part! I can kinda relate to your neighbor in feeling the need to give something back but I'd more likely get you something the next day. For example if you had given me the plate of cookies and I said "I gotta return your plate with some goodies" and you were all "oh no the plate is a gift" I'd definitely keep the plate but bake you some goodies in return and give it to you in a basket or something. Or maybe give you holiday potpourri or something. I wouldn't give you girl scout left overs (right in your face) on the same dish. But hey! at least you have girl scouts cookies ;-)

Stace0616

You can give me some cookies.... Baby and I will eat those all up PLUS the cookies your neighbor gave you back!

Jesster11

I would also think it was a little weird and off-putting, but I would just let it roll off.  Some people really mean well but don't always show it the same way you would or know the proper way to do so.

Plus, you are pregnant.  Treats are treats

RebeccaY1

I was always taught that if someone gives you a plate of food then you always return the plate with other tasty goodies.  It doesn't matter if the person says not to worry about it, it's just rude to keep the plate.  I would never just put girl guide cookies on the plate though.  

ksulli

I've always been taught to return a plate with something on it too. I probably wouldn't do it right at the same visit though.

Sarahjess06

At Christmas time we always do that with a plate of cookies. We actually shop after Christmas the year before and get super cheap, really nice glass plates.. Just so we can hand out cookies the next year.

My guess is she just isn't used to it. My family has done it for family friends and neighbors for so long now, it's never been questioned.

Mamamonzo

snmetz7 said:

What is her nationality? In my culture, pakistani, it is rude to keep a dish (plate, patter, even cheap ass tupperware) and the rule is you MUST give it back with someone equally as tasty.

DH and I would epically fail. We steal MIL's ziplock Tupperware all the time. When she asks for it back we take pictures of us holding it hostage. We put it in the oven, microwave, the bottom of the dishwasher and send her a list of our demands for it's safe return. Every Christmas she gets us a new set... She's trying to hint something, I'm just not sure what.


Ps you have to give them SOMEONE equally tasty!?!? Yikes

spano41

Meh....she's probably just socially awkward.  I wouldn't be offended by it.

snmetz7

@Mamamonzo said:

What is her nationality? In my culture, pakistani, it is rude to keep a dish (plate, patter, even cheap ass tupperware) and the rule is you MUST give it back with someone equally as tasty.

DH and I would epically fail. We steal MIL's ziplock Tupperware all the time. When she asks for it back we take pictures of us holding it hostage. We put it in the oven, microwave, the bottom of the dishwasher and send her a list of our demands for it's safe return. Every Christmas she gets us a new set... She's trying to hint something, I'm just not sure what. Ps you have to give them SOMEONE equally tasty!?!? Yikes

haha omg yes we are all cannibals

lol thats what happens when you're bumping at work... and you're trying tobe quick before the boss sees what you're doing

and as far as your cheap tupperware hostage situation.... DON'T BACK DOWN!  (ps you guys are hilarious)

klscas

I'm going with " she must be socially awkward" also. Its odd but id just dust it off lol

Sisimama10

As PP said I have a Hungarian and an Iranian friend and both return every favor with another favor almost immediately. They both would have returned the dish filled with something.