anyone's kid a tattletale?

groovygrl

how do you address it if so? We have had many talks about trying to work out issues w friends at school (and sibling at home), that telling or tattling is ok when someone gets hurt or might get hurt, but that when it comes to things like not sharing toys or calling a name (unless it is all the time), that they shouldn't tattle & should talk to the other child. I don't want to diminish things important to them but also don't want them to be the tattletale kid at school that then has social issues as a result. I didn't really think it was a problem beyond normal 4 yr old stuff until yesterday when a kid in class who i hear about at home all the time b/c he supposedly calls other kids babies a lot and has his name on the board all the time comes up to me to inform me that DS got in trouble for trying to wrestle during storytime. I couldn't figure out why said kid told me this since I have never really talked to this child before but then wondered if maybe my DS tattles on him a lot at school (since I know he mentions him at home) and this kid was trying to tattle back... DS is quirky in many ways and we worry about him socially sometimes so MH is now concerned that b/c I have talked to him about standing up for other kids when another kid calls them a name, or that name calling is bad etc that he is turning into a tattletale and MH thinks I'm making him a wimp. Really I'm trying to make him compassionate toward other kids and also help him to feel comfortable standing up for himself but I also don't want to end up making him a target or the kid who rats everyone out.

WWYD?

groovygrl

THanks...
OK first of all I have no idea *if* he is a true tattletale, I was just hypothesizing that it could be a reason that the other kid came over & felt the need to tattle to me on him... I really was just looking for approaches to talking about tattling in general. I have done little role plays- shoudl you tell if this? how about if that? etc. With 4.5 yr old twins you can imagine the nonstop fighting & tattling that goes on my house.  I am going to ask the teacher if he tells regularly on other kids and how they address it so I can be consistent.  I do agree it is a 4 yr old thing b/c even during drop off & pickup I see many of the kids running over & telling hte teachers every time some other kid takes a toy or pushes them or whatnot.

He is NOT anal about rules in general (his sister is the big tattletale at home & focused on him breaking the rules much more so).  He definitely advocates for himself & has no problem telling other kids to stop it or that it is his turn or whatever, he just struggles when they won't, then the tears come or whatever.
I really think I did contribute a bit to this b/c I suspect what he tattles on primarily is probably name calling...about a month or so ago my kids reported that several of the older boys in the class were calling one of the littler ones (who was a preemie and has some developmental issues though is in the right age group for the class) a baby repeatedly so I talked to them about standing up for that boy & telling the other kids that so & so was not a baby, he is the same age as the other kids in the class, etc. DS went in the next day & did just that, as reported to me by the teacher & I believe DD did it a week later. Now, maybe that pissed off the boys who seem to always be name calling (and they seem to have their names on the board regularly so I don't think my kids are making it up, though I totally am not naive enough to believe every version of everything that comes out of their mouths for sure)... So anyway, I feel like maybe I was trying to empower them to stand up for themselves & other kids who got picked on but even though I never included telling the teacher in that, I'm now wondering if that is what happened. Anyway, I'll find out from the teacher & continue to talk about tattling in general with them.

And fred, that is hilarious that she lies to parents about the great day their kid had. HAHAHAHA.

LSU628

I'm with Fred. It's totally a 4 yr old thing. DD constantly is telling me all the "bad" things that other kids did at school that day. She is also pretty bossy and constantly tries to correct other kids for doing the wrong thing. I also worry about how that is going to impact her socialization. Other kids typically aren't fans of the bossy kids.

neverblushed

Another vote for "normal kid behavior" and don't overthink it too much.

I have one kid who is very interested in justice and rules, much like auntie described in her reply.  She figured that if a rule was being broken, the adults would certainly want to know about it, right? Rules are super-important to her, so they must be super-important to everyone, no?

I used a scaled back version of two methods auntie mentions.  I helped her distinguish between safety issues and manners issues.  Safety issue = tell and adult.  Manners issue = leave it to the kids.  I also reminded her how wonderful her teachers were, and I assured her that they could get the kids to follow the rules without her help.  She didn't have to "worry" about it so much.

groovygrl

OK so here is the other problem, what do you say with regard to hitting b/w siblings? I have 4+ yr old twins. They don't hit kids at school or friends when playing and are aware that hitting is bad/wrong. However, in typical sibling fashion, they hit each other at home when they fight over toys or get mad at each other. I have talked about it being ok to tell if someone gets hurt or is goign to get hurt and other safety related things but in our home setting, while hitting is not ok, it is also a little frustrating to get a 'he hit me', 'she pushed me', 'she threw a toy', 'he pulled on my hair' constantly.  Obviously if it is something really bad that results in actual injury or could result in a real injury I address it, but I can't discipline for every little shove or slap during playing/fighting.