2nd Trimester

telling a friend who's TTC

i have a good friend who has been trying for a while and is just starting the process(with docs,etc) to get to the bottom of HOW they will be able to get pregnant. of course, she knows that i am pregnant but other friends of mine have recently told me that they are pregnant too. they all arent close enough with my friend TTC to give her their news via text or by calling or getting together so its just up to me and i am afraid of hurting her. how would you handle this? 

i feel that if i dont tell her, then i am "hiding" the news but the only reason i havent brought it up is because she has not asked (and she does know my other friend have been hoping to become pregnant) and she really doesnt ask about my own current pregnancy much either. i am not bothered by this at all. she is going through alot emotionally right now but has a hard time opening up about it. i am wondering if she doesnt really want to hear it so im left asking you. 

finally, she often calls me on her way into work, while driving and i dont want to tell her then. i have called her at night but once her husband gets home she often just texts me back & i dont feel ive been in the right opportunity to tell her. soon we all will be together for a party at my house and i fear she will be bombareded with "im pregnant" by everyone around her. 

any ideas?

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Re: telling a friend who's TTC

  • mcgeevamcgeeva member
    edited December 2013
    You should just tell her over the phone or in person but not around your group of friends. Only reason I say not in a group setting is if everyone else is newly pregnant that is all they will talk about and if she is really having a hard time
    (and no one else knows what she is going through) it may set her off in tears. I am saying this from going through treatments myself. I was always happy for my friends but I also know others that have no gone through treatments may not have the same compasion or understanding which makes it hard to relate. I would just stress to her you have an open ear anytime she wants to talk even if you dont understand or have gone through it. The compassion means the most.

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • mcgeeva said:
    You should just tell her over the phone or in person but not around your group of friends. Only reason I say not in a group setting is if everyone else is newly pregnant that is all they will talk about and if she is really having a hard time
    (and no one else knows what she is going through) it may set her off in tears. I am saying this from going through treatments myself. I was always happy for my friends but I also know others that have no gone through treatments may not have the same compasion or understanding which makes it hard to relate. I would just stress to her you have an open ear anytime she wants to talk even if you dont understand or have gone through it. The compassion means the most.
    thank you SO much! this is just what i needed. i know it sounds like it should just be easy for me to call her and tell her, but i have had a hard time with no guidance and i am happy to have a perspective. i agree,,, it would be terrible for her to be surrounded by it and feel so overwhelmed by it all. argh... i hate the idea of her being sad and i dont pry so i will definitely let her know i am SO here for her and would love to talk anytime she likes.

    thank you. 
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  • Trust me she will appreciate it. Because at the end of the day she is your friend and wants to be there for you too.

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • Yes definitely pull her aside prior to this event and let her know. She can then handle it how she needs to and can decide if she still wants to go to the party. I would text her or call her when she's at home and not doing anything to let her know. That way she's not crying at work. Good luck!!
  • Ditto.  Also, I don't know if she's asked you not to tell other people that's she's TTC (and struggling), but you might tell your pregnant friends that she's going through some hard times, without getting into too many details, so that they can be sensitive to that during this get-together and not all talk about pregnancy stuff the whole time.  Or if you don't feel comfortable hinting about it ahead of time, then at least try to run some interference for her during the party by changing the subject or pulling her away discreetly.  
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  • thank you all. I think my biggest fear is her feeling sadness caused by "my news",,, so caused by me. I am going to call her while she's at home and try to be very honest without overloading her & perhaps tell her that I was apprehensive in telling her because I have been afraid it would hurt. part of me knows wonders if she already knows... thanks for the advice. and yep i would definitely warn others to be sensitive to her situation. thank you!
    Ditto.  Also, I don't know if she's asked you not to tell other people that's she's TTC (and struggling), but you might tell your pregnant friends that she's going through some hard times, without getting into too many details, so that they can be sensitive to that during this get-together and not all talk about pregnancy stuff the whole time.  Or if you don't feel comfortable hinting about it ahead of time, then at least try to run some interference for her during the party by changing the subject or pulling her away discreetly.  
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  • I would definitely let her know beforehand via phone, just keep it simple saying you know that she is struggling and wanted to let her know, so and so is pg and you are there for her. I had to remove myself from some situations because it hurt too much.

    I will! thanks for making it plain & simple for me! ill probably do just this.
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  • I just wanted to say that it's very sweet of you to be considerate of her feelings like this. :) she has a good friend in you.
    Our little Sweetpea 
    photo 62d4d618-8ee8-46d9-ae5d-705799d4d9da.jpg

    BFP #1 04/27/12 | blighted ovum, m/c 05/30/12 @ ?? weeks, D&C 06/01/12 BFP #2 11/06/12 | DD born 07/10/13 BFP #3 10/07/13
  • ljs4117 said:

    I just wanted to say that it's very sweet of you to be considerate of her feelings like this. :) she has a good friend in you.

    thank you! I just hope through her emotions she sees it this way too.
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