STM's funniest post birth moment...

Chuckaluck315

I was looking at the STM advice thread and I got to thinking - there are all those silly things that no one tells you, some of which are HILARIOUS! What are your favorite memories of the funny, gross and weird?

Here's mine:
I was at my parents house for a few weeks after the birth of my son and I noticed that my parents roof seemed to be leaking everywhere I went. I kept feeling drips hitting the top of my feet. It took me two days to realize:
a. I was just wearing a very large nightgown.
b. I did not have on a bra
c. My breasts were leaking

At first my husband thought I was going insane because I kept talking about the leaking roof, then he concluded I was an idiot after we realized what it was...

cpm1223

Hahahah omg thats awesome!

wedbliss5

When the LO (or DH) gets sprayed in the face by breastmilk

That little girls can also pee a LONG way (DH had to clean a wall)

DH and I laughing the first few times I pumped at home, watching the whole nipple get sucked into the flange... he found it entertaining to play with the suction and speed that first time

mommatogirls

Trying to change a diaper in the dark so I didn't have to wake up fully or wake up the sleeping twin. I hear pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. What was it? DD had shot poop and it was in little drops every few inches on my carpet for 6 feet. We were all fully awake after that scrubbing bright orange out of the carpet. 

quidditchcapn1120

My DH would say the funniest thing was when the doctor was stitching me up, he said he wanted to start over because he didn't like the way the stitches looked. He winked at DH and said, "you can thank me later". (I loved my OB and wouldn't trade him for the world, so don't get a bad impression of him from this sole comment).

I thought it was hilarious that DH got peed on every time he changed DS' diaper!

litzo27

While I was in labor I was talking to the nurses and the doctors in English (and I have almost no accent) and then as DS2 popped out (after a horrible pushing stage of three hours) I just cried and talked/yelled in Russian very loudly. They just stood and stared for a second. Afterwards the nurse said she thought I went into shock and started talking in tongues.

I also thought it was hilarious how my mom and MIL would clap and praise DS whenever he would pass gas - i.e. "atta boy! great job!"

litzo27

Oh and another one - standing in the store with a shopping cart and rocking it as you would a stroller. Or swaying/bouncing as if you have a baby in a carrier... when you don't.

OSUWifey09

H always got peed on when he changed DS' diaper. ALWAYS. Then there was one particular change when DS pooped on him, and he almost started crying. Pretty sure he didn't change a diaper for a week after that...probably because I laughed really hard when that happened. Poor guy.

MrsGraham06

OMG, I always thought my mom was crazy when she did the rocking/swaying thing! She'd do that in any line that she stood in for more than 5 minutes (Mom HATES lines!) Now I do the same thing! At least right now I'm pregnant.

Anyway, my funny story is when DH first saw blue-ish breastmilk when I pumped. His face was priceless- OMG, is there something wrong with you?! Oh, I mean the bottles...

(Interesting fact: Skim milk from the store would be blue/green if they didn't do a certain process to make it white)

LuGal623

MrsGraham06 said:

OMG, I always thought my mom was crazy when she did the rocking/swaying thing! She'd do that in any line that she stood in for more than 5 minutes (Mom HATES lines!) Now I do the same thing! At least right now I'm pregnant.

Anyway, my funny story is when DH first saw blue-ish breastmilk when I pumped. His face was priceless- OMG, is there something wrong with you?! Oh, I mean the bottles...

(Interesting fact: Skim milk from the store would be blue/green if they didn't do a certain process to make it white)

@mrsgraham06 Ok wait, breastmilk can be blue?

P.S. I like funny threads like this.

ach298

I remember after a few weeks of very little sleep, both of us were super loopy. I had just gotten back in to bed after pumping in the middle of the night and evidently it woke up my DH a little because he got up and stood at the end of the bed rocking his pillow. It took me a while to convince him the baby was still asleep in the PnP and he needed to come back to bed.

Bwhitten

The first times I sprayed DH face with breastmilk while doing it where hilarious.

ac1259

I was changing DD's diaper once when she was a few weeks old. I opened the diaper and I swear it was poop projectile- like the wall 4 feet away got it...I screamed and DH and my mom both ran back to see what was wrong..I'm a nurse so not bothered by bodily fluids but I just wasn't expecting it! And no one ever tells you your female baby can do the fountain peeing too! DH was a little surprised by that! 

Also, in the height of her reflux DD would do a lovely projectile vomit thing on whoever was holding her at the time- usually me but it was really random. The one time she did it I swear my shirt was soaked, she was soaked  and I like screamed- DH had no clue what had happened and was like "why are you screaming"...when he finally noticed the amount of vomit on me he was like "what should I do?"..I wound up like going straight to the shower and he had no clue what to do to clean her up..it was kind of entertaining:)

moosebaby2011

On the day we took DS home, my DH went to bring the car around leaving me to get DS into the infant seat. I took a look at the straps and could not figure out how to tighten them even though DH and I had been through the manual together prior to delivery. I just froze and felt like I had no idea what I was doing, at all, about anything parenting related. I called DH in a teary panic, and he said he'd be right there. Then I looked at the straps again, and I was like "oh, duh, that's what this button is for", got DS in the seat, and was all set when the hospital people came to wheel me down to the car.

DH still teases me about my FTM meltdown moment.

cowscrub

I remember a middle of the night moment in those first exhaustive weeks with my #1DD. Her belly button had fallen off. I got her sleeping gown off and saw her dried belly button on her thigh and distinctly remember thinking whoa how did her stomach get to her thigh?
And when my milk had come in I thought it would be funny to see if I could spray H, well I could and he was MORTIFIED! I laughed and laughed and laughed!

yogamama13

My mom says she'll never forget when DH and I brought our first home from the hospital - the whole family was there to greet us and we walked in with a sleeping newborn in the carrier and put him down and DH looked at everyone and was like "now what?". 

CeeJC121013

This one is not from me personally, but I had a friend who would sway or rock the baby when she was nursing, and then realized that she also instinctively did it while pumping, too. Awkward.

Emily6778

My mom was over and wanted to hold DD without her diaper on, yeah she's weird like that. I was joking with her that she was going to get pooped on so she handed DD back to me. I put one hand behind her head and one hand to support the butt aaaaand i got pooped on.

katstirdivant

I remember being about 2 hours into pushing our first and I suddenly got really pissed at my girlfriend who gets all her babies out in 2-4 pushes. I still pushed for another hour before she arrived but man, I'm still pissed she gets it so easy!!

Arrgcr

1. While the doc was stitching me up I felt like I had prolapsed on the table. It just felt weird. I asked him if I did and e was astonished I even knew what it was called... Apparently most use that word for cattle. I said good. Then stitch me up nice and tight.

2. I hopped in the shower once I was allowed and was cleaning my lady parts and butt crack and felt something that I thought was hanging out my back door. I almost freaked that I had pushed parts of my bowels out and had someone look at it. It was my first hemroid.

3. When my son came out, he was peeing on everyone. I was the only one that didn't get peed on. He was born early so there was the dr, regular nurse, and 2 NICU nurses. Also my husband. After they checked to make sure he wasn't having problems and were wrapping him up to give to me, the nurse and dr got peed on again.

4. I can't count the times when my son had acid reflux that he had projectile vomited on me/down my cleavage.

5. When you and DH have se y time, wear a bra. Just saying. He'll get a nice little shower of milk.

6. 9 times out of 10 DS would poop in his bath...

MrsGraham06

LuGal623 said:

MrsGraham06 said:

OMG, I always thought my mom was crazy when she did the rocking/swaying thing! She'd do that in any line that she stood in for more than 5 minutes (Mom HATES lines!) Now I do the same thing! At least right now I'm pregnant.

Anyway, my funny story is when DH first saw blue-ish breastmilk when I pumped. His face was priceless- OMG, is there something wrong with you?! Oh, I mean the bottles...

(Interesting fact: Skim milk from the store would be blue/green if they didn't do a certain process to make it white)

@mrsgraham06 Ok wait, breastmilk can be blue?

P.S. I like funny threads like this.

@LuGal623 - Yes, breast milk can have a blue or green tint to it. For me it happens when I end up pumping out a lot, and the thinnest part (not as much milkfat) looks blue or green. Usually when I'd get something like 8+ oz from one breast at a time during a growth spurt. It happened a lot with DS2. The more milkfat there is in it, the more white/cream colored it is.