Telling my mom she can't help?

Shelle113

How do I tell my mother that I don't want her to be around when I give birth? She is really controlling over my life still, even though I moved out a year ago. I don't want her to be allowed to visit till I'm ready to let her in. Due to her drug use and such. How do I tell her she can't be around without causing a big problem?

ksulli

Tell her it's hospital policy to only allow one (or however many you're planning to have) person in with you, and that slot is taken. Most hospitals will back you up on whatever limit you set.

Rrrrrachel

Don't call her when you go into labor. Don't call her until you're ready for her to come.

Rrrrrachel

The hospital staff will definitely back you up, too. They will only let in people you say are ok, and they will be tactful about it.

natpirt

Rrrrrachel. My family is not controlling but they will come and never leave. So I am  not calling anyone till after I have the baby.  in the event something bad happens I have a aunt in the same apartment complex that can come over. 

HNRomance

You can't avoid the tough discussion forever. Maybe now is time to set and reinforce some boundaries. It will only get harder if she tries to guilt you later into allowing her free reign in your baby's life. I agree with the other ladies on not telling her about your labor. Also, don't post anything on social networking if there's a possibility it will get back to her

Sisimama10

Rrrrrachel said:

Don't call her when you go into labor. Don't call her until you're ready for her to come.

Yeah and if she has a problem with that you can just say the baby came so fast and the excitement of it all gave you no time to be making phone calls.

sking72

Some people have a tough time being blunt but it is seriously easier that way. I've been very blunt in telling my family my opinions, this way it isn't setting them up for disappointment. My mom mentioned something passive aggressively about being in the delivery room if SO wasn't there and I just said no, that wasn't an option. 

HNRomance

BTW, I am with you on this. I don't want anyone but my hubby at the hospital. I don't want anyone hovering or popping into the room or feeling someone is timing me (not what you are worried about necessarily but...). They can come visit when I am comfortably settled at home and ready to see people.

Shelle113

Thank you guys for advice! It helps a lot.

Megczapla

HNRomance said:

BTW, I am with you on this. I don't want anyone but my hubby at the hospital. I don't want anyone hovering or popping into the room or feeling someone is timing me (not what you are worried about necessarily but...). They can come visit when I am comfortably settled at home and ready to see people.

I completely agree. I'm worried (but will make it clear when the time comes) that my house will be filled with family when we leave the hospital. My DH's family is like that and did it to my SIL after she had our niece last October. I was so uncomfortable going there but it's just what they do. I, like like you @shelle113, need to make my boundaries and wants perfectly clear!

NicoleAnne416

Just don't tell her/call her until you are ready.