NBR: Have you found a way to manage finances that makes both you and your SO happy?

Kbrittonhart

My husband and I have shared bank accounts for 3 years. We split household bills and vacations but we each pay any debt we had before getting married...

This month we were paid three times so he anticipated "having an entire paycheck to blow." I tried to explain that even though we were paid three times the bills are still being paid every two weeks and our next check isn't until Dec. 13. He got upset and stormed out of the house. Although he didn't say it, I feel like he doesn't trust me with the money. What he doesnt realize is I take my "free" money to makeup for shortcomings and savings for our children all the time! I no longer want to be in charge of the bills but I don't want to put him in charge because he would rather not pay a bill to splurge than pay the bill and sacrifice.

Have you ladies found a money management routine that both you and your spouse are satisfied with? Care to share?

ac1259

Personally, DH and I share all of our finances out of one pot and we discuss big purchases so that neither of us are upset about them. All of our bills are together, we paid off all of our debt from college together (and trust me there was plenty of it). Currently I'm a SAHM so I don't really see any other way to do it, but when I was working it was exactly the same. All of our money went into the same pot and we have a budget of what we've agreed will work for our budget and realistic spending. Yes, I can't just go blow a ton of money without DH noticing, but he tracks our spending very carefully and I think it's definitely what has enabled me to be a SAHM. I personally have never understood how married people with children can keep any part of their money separate but I know that many people do it and have no problem with it- but thats not what works best for our family. 

kteeswei

The thought "Having an entire paycheck to blow" would worry me. It's his mindset on financial responsibility that needs to change before you have hope of anything working. He needs to grow up a bit. A friend of mine had a similar issue and therapy has helped her husband reprioritize his life.

I think division in how finances are managed can be a game changing conflict that should be approached seriously. If MH and I were fighting about finances I wouldn't hesitate to begin couples counseling.

Kbrittonhart

I agree. I worked in a bank in college and saw couples that kept accounts separate and didn't know what the other had. I never wanted to be that way so I was happy to consolidate when we married. Now it's becoming a headache! Maybe I will do more planning with him and let him SEE how money is being spent instead of telling him. Thanks!

COgirl29

What's his money is my money, and vice versa. We have one checking account and two savings accounts that have both of our names. We put together a budget together every month and discuss it to make any changes we may need to together. (We used to have a "budget meeting" every month to do this. Now it's pretty much on auto-pilot, it's on an excel spreadsheet and we look at it together for about 5 minutes before the month begins to make sure we aren't missing something). We each get a set amount of money each month that we call "blow money". It's there so if I decide I want to get a pedicure, I don't need to ask him. If he wants to get beers after golf league, he doesn't need my permission to spend the money.

We use Dave Ramsey's financial peace and it has really worked for us. Another big component of that is that we both entered our marriage about 3 years ago with debt. He had massive law school loan debt, and I had some credit card, school loan and car loan debt. We had a combined debt of 175k, and we both look at that as "our" debt. In under 3 years we have been able to pay off 80k- and I really believe it's because we are on the same page with finances, and we haven't had a fight in 3 years over money. Def check it out, I'm a firm believer in what Dave Ramsey teaches!

katstirdivant

I agree with amylou333. My husband and I have followed the Dave Ramsey cash method since we were engaged. We both feel it is the main reason I have been able to stay home with my daughter. Also, we have been able to pay off all credit card debt before we got married, have $1000 emergency fund and 3-6 month savings.
Let me say it was pretty tough in the beginning but back then we had no kids and two incomes. We pretty much saved my whole (but small) teacher's salary to help with all these things.
Now we each have about $50 each month to spend on ourselves without any complaint from the other(I use mine for pedicures and random stuff he uses his for beer ). We decided that anything over $200 would have to be agreed upon by both of us.
Let me also say though that my husband is way better at long term finances (401k, retirement, etc) and I'm better with day-to-day expenses (haircuts, groceries, clothing).
Now, we nearly panic when we use our debit card too much. We have no credit cards and we're trying to save for our daughter's college.
For those who are looking to get rid of some debt or just work to save exponentially we highly recommend Dave Ramsey. He's been a millionaire, bankrupt, then a new millionaire in that order. Hope that helps!!!

RedSaffron

I would ask him not to blow all of it.. save some $$ on the side so you have money until Dec. 13

We both have our own bank accounts and a joint savings for the baby. Currently, he's the only income, so he pays for the bills, food, and rent. When he does have extra money on the side, he puts it into the baby's saving. A couple of weeks ago, he did buy a $250 fishing pole for himself and I was understanding of it because he works hard everyday and deserves to treat himself.

I can understand YH's frustration, but he needs to understand not to be reckless about it. Set boundaries like how much is he allowed to spend comfortably so it doesn't get in the way of bills.

sunshineitsfine

We are getting to a happy medium, but its been rough. We share an account and I'm the one who makes sure all is paid. We are just getting to where we are comfortable while still making next to nothing.

Shannahbee

We each have our own personal accounts where our respective pays are deposited. We created a budget and decided how much each of us would contribute to our household expenses (my husband makes about 60% of our combined income, so he contributes more than I do), which is transferred to a joint account. All of our joint expenses come out of this joint account- mortgage, property tax savings, insurance, utilities, groceries, etc.
We both have good pension plans with work that take care of retirement savings.
So any funds we have leftover in our individual accts can be spent or saved as we wish, including paying off any personal debt we might have (like student loans). We do clear large purchases with each other, probably anything over $200.
And if there's anything big we want to dually save for (like maybe a vacation), we discuss it and put extra money in our joint savings account.
It works extremely well for us, we hardly have to discuss money, let alone fight about it.

Kbrittonhart

All great advice I will look up the Dave Ramsey method tonight

quidditchcapn1120

We also use Dave Ramsey. It has been a lifesaver for us and allows us to really enjoy our life without (further) debt.

Also, we decided before we were married that we would always share all of our money. We have one checking account and two savings accounts and both our names are on all of them. We got engaged over 10 years ago (married 7ish) and have had joint accounts ever since getting engaged. I think it helps keep both of us accountable. We do not fight about money and I think it is a combination of both these things.

kschref

Our system is a little complicated, I guess, but it works for us really well.

My husband and I have split bank accounts, but we also have one joint account out of which we pay bills, etc.  DH has a lot of family money, so that is all in investments and accounts under his name, but we both make decisions on how to manage it as we will use it to provide trust funds and education for our children.  He also gets random paychecks from family investments, and that goes into his accounts.  

I stay at home, but I also teach a few violin lessons per week at $50/hr and gig at about $100-150/hr.  For the past year, I have put all my violin $$ away for baby so everything we've bought has come out of that and not our joint account.  I also used it to pay for acupuncture while we were TTC.  Once LO comes, we've discussed me putting half of the money I make from violin stuff into our joint account, but still keeping the rest to save up for whatever.

The joint account gets DH's actual paycheck, and that is what we live on day to day - we don't touch the family money or my gig money for recurrent monthly expenses.  We each get $250/mo from the joint account to spend on whatever we want, and we get $500/mo for things we do together like dates.   The rest is divided Dave Ramsey style (though I use an excel spreadsheet, not envelopes) into categories like grocery, gas, clothes, etc. and we try to stay within the monthly allowances for each category.  Any $$ leftover in each category gets rolled over into that category for the next month.  We've done this for the 2.5 years we've been together and the only fight we had was when DH spent $10,000 on our wedding day to upgrade our time share (where we got married).  Granted, it was out of his family money, but I nearly had a heartattack.  He learned quick to discuss all big purchases beforehand.

Like I said, complicated, but works wonderfully.

kschref

I will add that we also balance our accounts on a google doc that we share so we can each check it at any time to see what the status of a category is, etc.  I'm usually the one that keeps it up to date, since I stay home, but DH can do it as well when I'm out of town.  We don't hide anything from each other when it comes to $$.

COgirl29

Kbrittonhart said:

All great advice I will look up the Dave Ramsey method tonight

@kbrittonhart - keep in mind he has a lot of different products to teach his system. If you can afford it, def. do the class with DH (I think it's $99 for a couple - lifetime membership). You go to class once a week for I believe 9 weeks, and I recommend that because you then have someone to ask questions of, etc. I did the class when I was still single, and when DH and I got engaged we ordered the home kit because we couldn't find a time to go to class with our work schedules.

With all of that being said, you can learn the basics of his plan by reading his book "the total money makeover" - (which I believe is on sale for Black Friday) - but you can also check it our at most libraries if you really don't want to spend the money!

Rebis58

We keep everything mostly separate. We have a joint account for paying bills and a joint savings account, and then our own separate accounts and separate retirement funds. We have a set amount of money that we put into each account from each cheque, and split all of our bills.
It would probably be easier if we just had it all joined together, but we're both pretty set in our ways and this gives us more freedom. As long as he's paying his share into bills and savings, he can choose to do what he wishes with the leftover money. We run big purchases by each other but ultimately each get to choose what we do with our extra money, which was important to us.
If one of us didn't work we'd obviously have to make a different plan but we both work full time and make close to the same amount, so this works for us for now.

laurasue0513

Shannahbee said:

We each have our own personal accounts where our respective pays are deposited. We created a budget and decided how much each of us would contribute to our household expenses (my husband makes about 60% of our combined income, so he contributes more than I do), which is transferred to a joint account. All of our joint expenses come out of this joint account- mortgage, property tax savings, insurance, utilities, groceries, etc.
We both have good pension plans with work that take care of retirement savings.
So any funds we have leftover in our individual accts can be spent or saved as we wish, including paying off any personal debt we might have (like student loans). We do clear large purchases with each other, probably anything over $200.
And if there's anything big we want to dually save for (like maybe a vacation), we discuss it and put extra money in our joint savings account.
It works extremely well for us, we hardly have to discuss money, let alone fight about it.

We do exactly this. It works well.

KatelynEA90

DH works and I SAH. So he does all the money making but I do all the finances. He's terrible about finances and paying bills. Honestly, he gets the mail, throws it in a drawer, and never opens it. Once, a long time ago, we almost had our electricity shut off because he didn't open any of the electric bills but told me he had it covered. I just do it all. He double checks with me for large buys. We have one shared account.

sugarland726

I manage the finances because I am the spendthrift of the two of us. I learned that if I am in charge then I am more careful with things. DH doesn't care so long as the bills get paid.

angiek1

My H and I combined everything from the moment we got engaged and bought a house. He made significantly more than I did at the start if our marriage and it would have been weird to keep it separate and putting in xyz into an account (IMO).

H pays all the bills and manages the finances. He tells me when we need to pull back on spending. We are about to start the Dave Ramsey class.

Jmattis

My husband and I combined everything once we got married. He's works in banking, so obviously it makes more sense for him to manage our retirement, savings, investments, budget and pay the bills as that's what he does for a living. However, I know exactly how much we have and where he is investing our money. The process works for us and I trust his judgement.

laowaigringa

Just a tip that has worked well for us; we both downloaded an app on our phones called EEBA. It basically works like the old "envelope" system; put a certain amount in an envelope for different things each month and when the money runs out you don't get to spend anymore. You can create as many different "envelopes" as you want (so we have groceries, restaurants/entertainment, transportation, etc.) and decide how much you want to allot to each "envelope." You enter in any spending as you go and if you link your phones they will sync with each other and record each other's spending so you both know exactly how much is left in each envelope. Really helps with communication about spending and knowing how much you have left to spend!

moosebaby2011

Our finances are combined and have been since we married. I physically pay most of our bills, simply because I have more time to do so (SAHM), but my DH is well aware of what we spend and has access to all of the same information that I do. We discuss major purchases ahead of time, and don't buy anything that we couldn't pay for in cash. (We actually put everything on credit cards for the reward points but pay them off immediately). The system definitely works for us.

slmille4

Finances were a huge adjustment for both of us. We both liked to do things a certain way and that changed when we got married. Our hardest thing is sticking to a budget, not cause we splurge but because DH owns his own business I'm the only one with a constant paycheck so it can get a little tight it's more of a I want to buy things but find my side of the money always goes to bills so it had lead to some blowouts. I think blowouts over money will always happen it's how u handle them.
Back to OP you do technically get two extra paychecks a year but u have to start counting from the beginning to figure out when they are. My DH figured that one out for us because I'm horrible at math so don't ask me how .


ETA sorry for the run on sentences. Mobile bumping

AnnikaD20

We have a budget that we both agree to. It's nothing overly complicated, and the categories are really broad, or it becomes too tedious to keep up with. We know how much we spend on utilities, groceries, gas/cars, ect. and for the more optional spending we agree on the general amount we want to spend on things like home projects, vacations, charity, saving for major purchases. We try to make decisions together on these categories.

The biggest secret to us being happy and not fighting is that we both have a fairly decent sized amount of discretionary spending. We jokingly call it our allowance, I know that sounds bad to some people but we think it's cute. Any time one of us really wants something and the other one thinks it's stupid or unnecessary, we can just say "fine, but it's coming out of your allowance" or "I can spend my allowance however I want."

berenely

Another Dave Ramsey fan here. We use the envelope system that he encourages and it works great for us. We've only been doing it for about a year but it's great. There was a learning curve at first, but we have our weekly "budget meeting" every Friday night and it takes us maybe 20 minutes to put our paychecks into the envelopes. At the beginning of every month we have to adjust it but it works great for us. Looking back, I can't believe how we used to pay bills. It's so easy now! HTH and GL!

Piach

My husband works in finance, so he is in charge of the bills, but here's what we do.

We have 4 bank accounts - 3 checking & 1 savings.

There is one main checking account where both paychecks get deposited & all of our bills come out of that account (including individual debts like my student loans). Then we each have a checking account linked to our individual debit cards. Every two weeks, we each get the same amount of "allowance" deposited.

We use our allowance for daily expenses - gas, lunches/dinners, groceries, etc. If I do a big grocery or Target shop, then DH transfers some of his allowance to me or vice versa.

After each pay cycle/bills, DH transfers a set amount plus any extra to our savings account, leaving about 3K in our bills account. Every 3 months, we evaluate our savings & determine what we want to do from a investments standpoint.

We have the separate debit accounts because we are both pretty detailed & it was too hard to have a joint debit account - it drove both of us nutty worry if the other made some "big" purchase. This also ensures that everything is equal.

We use the credit card for big purchases (after discussion) & usually pay it off from our bills account, but sometimes dip into savings for vacations or really big purchases.