loss at 9 weeks - first child mentioned — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

loss at 9 weeks - first child mentioned

What a depressing intro to be making.

I went in for my regular appointment on Friday at 9 weeks. I had no cramping, no spotting, plenty of morning sickness, and I just had no idea anything was wrong. The baby measured on track (9 weeks 1 day), but there was no longer a heartbeat.

I've gone through the list of reasons why it could've been my fault. What I've settled on, and I know it's ridiculous is this: I have a toddler, and I work full time in a high stress job. When I was pregnant with my son, I was still working, but with
no other little on to take care of, it was easier to rest and bond with the unborn baby, talk to him, sing to him, enjoy the pregnancy.

Also, with this pregnancy, at times I felt conflicted that my son would no longer get all my attention, but I really wanted to give him the gift of a sibling.

Lastly, since very early in this pregnancy, I was worriedd I would lose the baby, because my mom (and I think my older sister too) miscarried their second pregnancy.

So, I feel like I made this happen by just not being excited about the baby enough, not wanting it enough. Either that or I made it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It also doesn't help me that in my desperate Googling, I turn up things here and there that say first pregnancies are usually the ones miscarried (not second like mine), and that it is uncommon to see the heartbeat and then miscarry (We saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks 4 days). That only makes me feel worse.

And I'll just throw this out there. Tuesday is my birthday. Not related to that, my mom, sister, niece, and nephew went to Disneyland this weekend and keep texting pictures (my mom knows. not sure about my sister). DH and I had scheduled Thanksgiving week off work. We were supposed to be having fun and relaxing, and I was supposed to still be pregnant. Instead, I spent yesterday inserting tablets into my vagina, cramping, and bleeding.

I really want another baby, but now I'm afraid to try, because I don't want to have to go through this again.

Wow. That was long. If you made it to the end, thank you for reading this. Actually, just thank you, no matter how far you made it.
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Re: loss at 9 weeks - first child mentioned

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. MC is not your fault. I know guilt can creep in, but its not your fault
    *Child Mentioned* I also have a 2 year old. My first pregnancy ended in a MC, 2 cycles later, I got pregnant with my son. And now in the last 3 months, I had 2 more losses. It's a horrible thing to go though and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You said "I really want another baby, but now I'm afraid to try, because I don't want to have to go through this again." Don't lost hope!!! Dont let fear keep you from trying for what you want. Like I said, I know MC hurt and are awful and can put you in a funk for a while, but if you want another baby, don't give up or lose hope. Take time to grieve, and cry and vent. Let it all out because you need to. I hope you find some peace in all this.
    imageimageimage
    As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen - Winnie the Pooh

    Married 8/22/09
    Pregnancy 1- EDD 11/21/10 NMC @ 6 weeks
    Pregnancy 2 - Rai
    nbow DS born 1/15/11
    Pregnancy 3 - EDD 5/2/14 NMC @ 6 weeks 9/4/13
    Pregnancy 4 - EDD 6/11/14 BO @ 9 weeks D&C 11/8/13
     AF arrived 12/18/13
    BENCH IS BURNED 2/2014
    TTA until May/June 
    WOW!!! I'm pregnant!!! BFP 6/8/14 R
    a
    inbow on the way EDD 2/14/15
    If there ever comes a day where we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever -
    Winnie the Pooh

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  • It is normal to go through the possibilities of what could have happened. I think we all have done that. Taking inventory of all the things we do and even say and sometimes feel. Most of the time MC happen spontaneously and there is nothing we could have done or do to prevent it. I MC a few weeks back and I know what it feels like to lose a pregnancy. What you are experiencing is grief and it is normal, you may also experience anger too. I know I did. I am so sorry for  your loss and venting is good. Keep us posted on how you are doing and times does heal and it starts to get easier, if it doesn't talk to your doctor about your feelings and I hope you have a good support group with family and friends right now.

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  •  I'm sorry for your loss OP.

     It's defenitely not your fault. Work stress and stuff doesn't cause it. I understand wanting to know the 'why'. I want to know too. I actually had bloodwork drawn with my latest m/c last week, and today it all came back normal. Which is good-but I still don't know why I had another m/c (well...I'm 42 so that explains alot)

     I say, give yourself time. After my m/c in May, I wasn't ready for a few months. This time, with my clock ticking and the fear of another m/c realized-I am not waiting at all, it's all or nothing now. So give yourself time, you might feel different a few months out and decide, I'm ready to take that chance.
  • I'm very sorry for your loss! Stop beating yourself up and feeling guilty. Seriously, unless you were doing heavy drugs, you didn't do anything wrong. My work is stressful, overtime is normal and I travel for work. My doc doesn't believe any of that impacted my loss. This was my first pg and loss so believe me, I am left with a million unanswered questions. I'm worried that it could happen again, but want to try again soon (I have the dr's okay now).

    It's all very new - give yourself time to digest it all and allow your hormone levels to go down. In a few weeks you might think differently. Wishing you all the best!
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
  • Thank you. The encouraging words and knowing other people have made it through it is helpful.
    image Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I am not sure how I got back into my old account. I apologize for any tickers / signature pictures. I don't remember exactly what's down there. Will try to fix.
    image Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • ninthgirl, I do remember you from 212. Your advice about knowing we're ready to try again when the desire to have another baby overwhelms the fear of another loss really strikes a chord with me. I am hoping that if DH and I put a little time between us and this loss, moving forward with TTC in a few months will feel right again.
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  • (other kids mentioned)  I basically had the same exact thing happen to me.  I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old. This pregnancy was a surprise.  We were thrilled and super excited.. But terrified!  I had trouble getting pregnant with my 3 yr old so I was excited that this just happened but def nervous...  We saw the heartbeat at 6 wks and was told everything looked great.  I had morning sickness and no sign of anything  being wrong.  I went back at my 9 wk appt with my 3 yr old to see the baby in the sono... Baby looked 9 wks but no heartbeat.  It was heart breaking..  I was sobbing sitting there w my 3 yr old just looking at me cry.  My job laid everyone off the week prior, I was super stressed out... I blamed myself and thought bc I was so nervous about having another baby I some how caused this.  I beat myself up a lot over it but my husband keeps telling me I couldn't have caused this.  I go for my follow up appt tomorrow.  I really want to try again but Im so scared of this again.

  • Hi!  Going through the same thing right now.  

    Please don't blame yourself.  I'm a doctor, but not an obstetrician.  In medical school we were taught that losses during the first trimester are likely due to genetic defects/intrinsic problems with the baby.  He wouldn't have made it regardless of of anything you could've done.  It might not bring you much comfort to know that, but I hope it lessens any guilt you are experiencing.  We already have enough on our plate without adding guilt to the mix.  

    As for your fears of trying again, I feel the same way.  But all we can do is hope and pray that everything turns out well the next time, once we're ready to take that next step.  I'm not at that stage yet.  



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