How did you decide...

LadyBird9

...to do IVF?  I can tell the majority of you ladies are doing/will be doing/have done it.  I know that none of you *wanted* to do IVF to start your family... but did it immediately feel like the right decision for you?  I ask because we aren't sure if we want to do it.

rlk2

With DH having extremely low sperm count, we jumped right in to IVF as soon as we got the SA.  I have always wanted to be a mom, and truly want to experience pregnancy......so here I am 4 cycles later (and hopefully the last) but am not ready to give up yet.....IVF is addicting...I won't stop until I get my BFP.  Why are you hesitant?  It is a LONG journey and you really have to be sure you are financially and emotionally ready to tackle (and beat) IF!

CameraBug131

I never ruled it out, but when I was first told to see an RE and his first suggestion was IVF, I was like, "Nah..I think I'll wait a while." It took a few months to sink in. Then my OB read me the riot act. I have other health issues and he was basically like, "You never know when those other health issues could rear their ugly head; run, don't walk, run back to your RE." I kind of realized this is my best, maybe only, shot at getting pregnant and I didn't have anymore reasons to wait, only reasons to proceed now. I'm happy with the decision, but def needed a dose of reality from my OB. 

Twinkie0612

This is really a personal decision that couples dealing with IF have to make together.  I have always been open to any IF treatment as an option, DH was more of a take it one step at a time kind of guy and mostly goes by what our RE recommends.

We talked about IVF when we first started IF treatments and I found out that I was a carrier for CF.  If DH had also been a carrier, we would have went straight to IVF with PGD to avoid having a child with CF.  He was not a carrier so we ended up doing 4 IUIs before deciding to move onto IVF.

For our situation, I really want to experience pregnancy, so we are considering options that allow this first (adoption is also on our list, but further down).  Right now we are planning our third and probably final round of IVF for January.  After that we will move on to either egg donation or embryo donation, if needed.

I guess long story short it just felt like the next logical step for us, after 4 failed IUIs.  I won't lie it's scary to make that decision.   We don't have insurance coverage for IF and have paid OOP for 2 IVFs and I just put our deposit down on our third. 

O2girl

My DH had stage 3 testicular cancer and saved 3 vials of swimmers that were low in every area before he started treatment. His tumor was located in his peritoneum so they removed all of his lymph nodes in his abdomen. Due to this even if the chemo didnt kill what little he had in the way of swimmers, the final surgery damaged the nerve that allows ejaculate to come out... So he is dry.

For us this meant IVF because we have too little to work with and no way to get more iui was out of the question.... And so too the opportunity for any miracles.

ETA: from my experience IVF is sort of the last frontier for a lot of us... Whether it is for a bio baby or just to carry a child in our wombs... This is the last chance case. Now obviously there are many other options that work for individuals like surrogacy and ds... For me and DH this is our only option. When I broached the subject of my sisters eggs... I realized that she is 35 now and we aren't too far apart. I'm not even considering adoption although my DH has mentioned it. I would rather foster... And maybe that would be my necessary catalyst to adopt but for now...I'm ivf or bust. GL on your decision... None of the courses are easy.

zazu13

*** sig ****

Given my husbands poor SA it was basically our only option for having our own biological children. Before we had an official diagnosis I was pretty set against it and felt that I would choose adoption over IVF, but as soon as I knew this was our reality it took me about a nano-second to decide I wanted to give IVF our best shot. I have no regrets. Best of luck in whatever direction you decide to go.

LSN8308

medically speaking IVF was our only option since i am DOR/POF and now with DH morphology issue. financially it was really hard and i think factoring that is just as important as the emotional and physical aspect because it can take a huge toll on any relationship.

emotionally, like PP have said, i want to experience pregnancy and childbirth and feel like i would be incomplete if i didnt get that chance. adoption hasnt been something we've seriously looked into yet considering we're still trying with ART havent been giving the 'its not gonna work' speech.

GL with your decision

princessisadora

If I am honest I never thought IVF would be the way to go for us. Prior to my last cycle I always thought I would rather spent 30K on adoption where I would end up with a child than spend 30k and maybe have a baby. After this last cycle ( my IUI was converted to IVF) we realized IVF was probably our best shot at having a bio baby.
Last night DH had the talk and laid it all on the line and we feel we need to give IVF one more chance and do a conventional cycle with proper stims, not a clomid fluke like last time. DH confessed he is not ready to let go of the notion of having a bio baby and I respect that, for me I just want to be a mother I don't care how.
At the moment, we are financially tied so all we can do is TI while we save. I'm not expecting a miracle and it breaks my heart that I know DH is.

HeatherHam10

We tried for about 3+ yrs before moving towards it mostly because of finances and we tried everything numerous times with no success. It is a hard choice.

kjf114

We tried for a year on our own with clomid help for a few months. When we got sent to RE we were shocked at the SA was so bad. He said we could do IUI or jump to IVF. We went straight with IVF in may and still here. I don't regret any moment of making that decision just wish more testing was done first

Margritli

How did you decide to do IVF? We were told that IVF with ICSI is our only chance at having children. Adopting and DS are not the right option for us, so it is either IVF or child-free. Sometimes life doesn't offer the luxury of deciding. 

Did it immediately feel like the right decision? No, and honestly, it still doesn't, but there is not much of a choice for us since this is our only chance at having children. I am really not sure how many rounds of IVF we will be able to handle, emotionally, physically and financially. We are starting with Round 1 and will decide once we see what happens. 

It is a very personal decision, but I think it does help to hear how others have gone through this process of deciding. I, personally, believe that my life will be fulfilling with or without children, so though this feels very dramatic right now, I think in ten years I will look back and feel like what every happens, happened for a reason. It's hard for me to see it like that now, and I know it is very different for others, that's how I see my situation at the moment. I hope that that is really true, though and not just me trying to prepare myself for heartbreak. 

FloridaSun82

How did you decide to do IVF? We weren't given much of a choice. My body wasn't responding to Clomid and my doctor didn't want to do injectables/IUI because of the high chance of over stimulation with PCOS. 

Did it immediately feel like the right decision? As some others have said, no and it still doesn't. We have gone back and forth about trying naturally with supplements and acupuncture or the feeling of being selfish spending so much money on this procedure when we could use money to adopt a child that needs a home. Also, because my body really didn't respond to Clomid and naturally, I get my period 3-4 times a year, I feel like we didn't even have a chance to try naturally (or semi-naturally with Clomid) and it was really hard to come to terms with the fact that I don't feel like we ever even had a chance. However, since day 1 of our relationship, we were on the same page with wanting a family and eventually started joking about our kids (hoping they don't get his nose or my feet) and are just not ready to give up on having a biological child and moving forward with adoption. With that said, at the end of the day, we want to be parents. This is certainly not the route we thought we would have to take, but if it gives us a baby, then it's all worth it. If we end up with a baby, who cares about the cost or that the baby was conceived in a dish, as opposed to naturally. 

mmhopeful

We went through 3 failed IUI's and had said no to IVF due to religious beliefs.  We then spoke with our RE and a few people from church.  We had control over how many embryos to fertilize and said only fertilize 6.  All 6 fertilized but only went to the morula stage so they put in 3 embryos at my 1st IVF.  The other 3 arrested the next day leaving us with only 6 other frozen mature eggs to think to work with.  At our age, we couldn't fathom having embryos destroyed because we would be happy with 1 or 2 babies and not more.  So......having had that talk MANY times and looking at how we would put together our family we knew we had to at least try.  Even with that, we were not prepared for the process.  It meant early days getting up at the crack of dawn to get to the dr. office, handling the line at the RE office and the traffic to work.  The amount of work to be done at work AND the lack of energy and hormones on me.  The emotional toll as well as the physical toll is where my DH and I have learned how to better support one another.  Having to take time off for the egg retrival and the embryo transfer as well as live with this privacy amongst people who may not agree with IVF has been the hardest.  Then to have a negative, be ready to start again, and then learn that ectopic pregnancies can occur with IVF....we are waiting out our time "benched" right now as my beta STILL is not zero from a late October treatment. 

 

It's a BIG decision but just support one another and come up with a game plan.  My DH said, if someone saw you with a broken leg, they'd see you needed help and not at your best.  People can't SEE IF and just make their own conclusions about you on a daily basis.  That's been hard. I don't always have the energy to be happy or to go the extra mile for others, as I'm still taking care of myself, going for weekly blood work AND dealing with the emotions of it all. 

 

I know this is a LONG answer, but just know that I wouldn't change a thing.  It is the GOAL to have a BFP that will enable me to do ANYTHING to become a mother and then actually get to parent a child.    It WILL be worth it. 

LadyBird9

Wow... thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses!  Thank you thank you.  We are still so early in the decision making process and I just don't know up from down right now.  It makes me feel better knowing that some of you still don't know if the decisions you made were the right ones...

Thank you again, reading these responses has helped so much.

Lm92599

After 1.5 years trying and me getting OLDER AND OLDER by the minute, after my 35th birthday in June I went to an RE. He immediately ran some tests and my AMH came back at 0.61 (DOR) so he suggested IVF right away. I got a second opinion and felt more comfortable with the second RE, she said the same thing... don't wait. but that is because of my DX. So we started our first IVF in September and had to freeze our embryos. We just had all our frosties transferred. I am glad I didn't wait, even though I don't know the outcome yet. If this doesn't work, at least we tired with my eggs... we will pay off the debt from this cycle over the next year and then try with Donor eggs or Donor embryos next year.

TaylorH84

I don't know if you've gone to an RE yet but perhaps that could help you and DH in your decision making. I like to know everything upfront and have a "plan" before moving forward. Our situation is a little different because we never TTC naturally and went straight to IVF because of a genetic disorder I have that we wanted to prevent from passing on. Here we are in our second cycle of IVF but we know we are making the best decision for us and our children. Unfortunately, so much more goes into IVF than just knowing you're making a good decision or in some cases your only option. It can be very expensive (we are all OOP) and extremely stressful for many reasons which is why it's a good idea to really talk it over and have a plan before going into it. I hope everything works out for you both and goodluck!!

CameraBug131

Margritli said:

How did you decide to do IVF? We were told that IVF with ICSI is our only chance at having children. Adopting and DS are not the right option for us, so it is either IVF or child-free. Sometimes life doesn't offer the luxury of deciding. 

Did it immediately feel like the right decision? No, and honestly, it still doesn't, but there is not much of a choice for us since this is our only chance at having children. I am really not sure how many rounds of IVF we will be able to handle, emotionally, physically and financially. We are starting with Round 1 and will decide once we see what happens. 

It is a very personal decision, but I think it does help to hear how others have gone through this process of deciding. I, personally, believe that my life will be fulfilling with or without children, so though this feels very dramatic right now, I think in ten years I will look back and feel like what every happens, happened for a reason. It's hard for me to see it like that now, and I know it is very different for others, that's how I see my situation at the moment. I hope that that is really true, though and not just me trying to prepare myself for heartbreak. 

Your whole post was beautiful.