It gets better right? I think so
svancura1
member
I MC last last Friday. It was a very painful experience both physically as well and mentally. It was our first pregnancy and we were shocked by this loss. I feel a part of me has moved passed some of the pain. I feel relieved in a sense knowing that it’s over and I no longer have to stress and worry if baby is ok. Wondering when I’ll have peace of mind. There is no more of that. But now it’s replaced by confusion and sadness. I broke and had to speak to a few ladies from my bible study to see if there was some way I could renew my faith. Turns out that most of them either suffered a loss or have hard struggles getting pregnant and could relate to my sadness. I really had no idea how common this was. No one ever talks about it. It’s hushed. But why? Why can’t people be more proactive about finding out causes/prevention and how to help cope?
I think I’m getting better. This forum and all of you have really helped. Also, before my husband was very iffy on a baby. But now, after this loss he has done a complete 180 and explained that even though this was rough, he knows now more than ever he is ready for a baby and couldn't be happier to start trying as soon as I’m ready. That he didn't’ realize he could love something so much without even seeing or touching it. He Googled like a master; reading about how the pregnancy after a MC is 95% successful and healthy. This has really helped me to be optimistic for our next try. I still cry about losing our baby, but I’m also starting to realize that this had to be for a reason. Whether it was so help my husband see what he truly wants or BC this was not our time. Whatever the case, I trust things will get better for us all.
Re: It gets better right? I think so
I'm afraid that there often chromosomal issues are to blame for a miscarriage - there is no way to prevent it or stop it from happening. It sucks on some many levels, but today we do know how to prevent it in some cases. We know about prenatal vitamins, folic acid, how to reduce the risks (not consuming alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.), maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle, etc. It's not that no research was ever conducted (I work in clinical research and research on pregnant women is very difficult, as you can imagine). If you are doing that, then it is unfortunately out of your/our hands. I think it is hard for me to think that I did everything right and still couldn't stop if from happening.
These kinds of forums were created as a way to exchange experiences, emotions, and support other women who have gone through the situation. I personally have chosen to only talk about it with my closest friends, family and women on these boards. It's not a topic that I just bring up with women I don't know. But perhaps that has a lot to do with my personality (a private person). When you feel ready, you are more than welcome to join us on the TTCAL board. There is a great support group over there too!
BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. It does get better. I also lost my first pregnancy, many years ago. It was so emotionally tough, I wondered if I'd ever have a baby.
22 years later, I have since had 5 amazing kids, and two more losses, one in May and one this week. These two were less emotionally stressful, but moreso physically due to my age. I'm guessing from your post that we probably have similar faith backrounds, and this far along in this journey I can see that God does have a plan, even if I don't necessarily understand all the 'why's of it.
I wish you the best in the next step of your journey!