If you decided to go by your MN as an adult...come in

Helenahhandbasket

Work is slow today-- and I am just curious.

Lots of times when a poster is asking about a name that isn't generally well liked (let's say a unisex or masculine name for a girl), a lot of the responses are to "use a femme MN, so that she can have that to fall back on when she's older."

I am curious to know if anyone has actually done this?  Isn't it awkward?  Like, I have a hard time even calling my friends by their married names (just cuz I am so used to them as Friend MaidenName.  And actually in my circle, I am referred to strictly by my maiden LN because we have another friend with the same FN.)

Obviously, if the decision is made as a baby or young toddler to call by the middle name-- there is no issue-- I am just wondering about people that decided as adutls that they wanted to be called something else. 

D&HMom

a friend of mine was  Jennifer in the height of the Jennifer/Jenny/Jen craze of the late 70s.  In Kindergarten she changed her name to Lorraine. I met her as an adult and only knew her as Lorraine until a shopping trip I spotted her credit card! She didn't want to be Jenny last name for her whole life and took  matters into her own little hands!

kaylynne

I'm a Jennifer.  My mom told me when I started middle school that she'd always wanted me to go by my middle name (why she didn't just call me that when I was a baby, I still don't know).  She tried to convince me to start going by my middle name in the 6th grade, since it was a new school.  I didn't do it because I was 10 and still working out my identity as a Jennifer...

She tried again in 9th grade because I went to a magnet school, so it would be mostly new people. I refused.  I changed from Jenni to Jenn and had to constantly correct a girl I'd known in elementary (she still calls me Jenni to this day). 

There was a girl I grew up with that ended up going to the magnet, and she changed her name to her middle.  It was really weird for me because I kept wanting to call her by her first name, but everybody else had met her as "Marie".  Eventually I got used to it, but we didn't hang out with the same people, so it was almost a non-issue. 

Mom tried one last time to get me to change it when I started college, but by then I was like, "I've been Jennifer for 18 years.  It will be really embarrassing if I tell people my name is ____, and then I don't respond when they call me."  My first and middle flow nicely, but they aren't really the same style.  I feel like I'd have to be a different person to go by my middle name.

She was honestly surprised when I took DH's name because of all this.

JulianneJacks

Everyone I know who decided to go by their middle name did it when they were very small.

I have known a few grown women who changed their nns as adults. I know an Elizabeth and an Alexandra who did this. They decided to use another nn when they were in their 20s. I still call one of them "Alex." It's hard to change when you have known someone for over twenty years.

emmy236

I think it is also regional. We moved to the south and it's pretty common. My coworker has 3 niece/nephews and all go by their middle names. My next door neighbor is Mary Katherine and goes by Katie. My husband played baseball with a few guys who went by their middle names too and it screwed up the announcers. I never really knew anyone back up in NY who did this and took me awhile to get used to the fact its common place here.

I can see a person choosing it for themselves if they got stuck with an awful first name or if they are a Jr or III and there was confusion. I don't get why parents name kids with the intention of calling them by the middle name, it's like then why not just name them that to begin with?

NerdyLucy

I went to school with a girl that was named Jennifer Nicole.  She went by Jennifer forever, like growing up and all through school, and then suddenly she was Nikki.

Oddly enough, I was dorm neighbors with someone who pretty much did the same thing.  She was Sarah Nicole, and then started going by Nikki in college. In her case, she felt that Sarah was too girly and frilly. 

I don't know the reason for Jennifer.

mh89

I know two guys who go by their middle name but no girls, I'm pretty sure they both have gone by their middle name since they were kids though. 

I think it's less of a hassle to have the first name be the name you plan to call the child, but still have a good middle name in case the child/adult really hates their first name and wants another option.

bcnoelle

My husband is the opposite.  His parents started calling him by his middle name and he decided probably in high school/college to go by his first name.  It drives me crazy when the in-laws visit because they call him by his middle name (which is Abraham and not at all like his first name).  I do have several female friends who go by their middle names. I think it's a southern thing.  I don't get it.  I think you should just name your child the first name that you want to call them.

FakeFinn

My mom decided to go by her mn when she was about 10 years old. She doesn't really like her fn. It wasn't really a problem, her parents and siblings did use to call her a nn of her fn, but that wasn't a big deal and has fizzled out.

diamondduck13

I knew a girl who in middle school decided to go by her middle name. She basically told me in not so many words that she did this because there was an unpopular girl with her FN and she didn't want to be associated with her because she wanted to be popular. Have I mentioned I hated middle school? Anyway, at some point she changed her mind and went back to her first name. But then half way through high school she went back to her middle name again. I could not keep up with what she wanted to be called and found the whole thing ridiculous. Needless to say, we were never close anyway

My suggestion: instill in your kid the confidence to proudly own what you choose for her first name. If you have to pick a MN based on the concern she may not like her FN, then IMO you've picked a bad FN and need to rethink things.

On the subject of people going by their MNs: I only know of two people who go by their middle name - and those are my two brothers. My eldest bro is a JR, motivating that decision. The second was going to go by his FN until my dad started calling him a NN my mom hated so she declared he'd go by his MN instead. I think that happened around 1 week old, so no big deal at all.

But, both my bros will tell you to put in the FN spot what you intend to call your child, because it's been a pain and issue for them. I even thought about this when filling out DD's day care paperwork. It asked for first name, middle initial. So from (nearly) day one it's creating potential paperwork confusion. Maybe it seems like no big deal to correct people, but personally I've never believed in unnecessarily over complicating things for me or my loved ones. And for what, because the flow was better with the desired called by name in the MN spot? So silly IMO

NerdyLucy

diamondduck13 said:

 But, both my bros will tell you to put in the FN spot what you intend to call your child, because it's been a pain and issue for them. I even thought about this when filling out DD's day care paperwork. It asked for first name, middle initial. So from (nearly) day one it's creating potential paperwork confusion. Maybe it seems like no big deal to correct people, but personally I've never believed in unnecessarily over complicating things for me or my loved ones. And for what, because the flow was better with the desired called by name in the MN spot? So silly IMO

My dad says the same thing.  He has always gone by his middle name and it's caused some big mix-ups in the past, one involving a job lay-off.  I know that a lot of people have no issues with that kind of thing, but that's one of my hard rules.  Whatever I plan on calling my kid is what his/her first name will be. If he/she chooses to go by the middle name later, that's none of my business.

lifeonthehill

Our past head of schools goes by his middle name. Even his wife calls him this MN and I didn't know his real name until I sorted some mail that happened to have his first name on it today. He is in his 70's.

pepperedmoth

I go by my MN, and switched as an adult. Actually it was more complicated than that, but that's the summary. 

My first name is Sarah --- I complained about that on the Sara/h thread!

Much, much happier with Rosemary. It was a bit of a pain, but totally worth it. I switched when I moved across the state and ended up with a totally new social circle. That's also when I met my husband. So MH, all my ILs, and 80-90% of my friends all call me the new name without problem. 

My immediate blood family stuck with Sarah. So did maybe 10% of my oldest friends. Everyone else that knew me before switched. 

kw42775

My uncle decided at some point in his adult life to go by his MN, Henry, instead of his FN, Ralph. Family still calls him by his first name, it's weird when friends and family are together.

allardr

Not me, but I have a friend that has an unappealing FN and as long as I've known him (since teens) he's went by BJ. Not sure if it's a form of his MN but nothing to do with FN or LN that I know for sure.

It was no biggie at all.

ClaireHuxtable

Husband goes by his middle name to friends and family. Professional life - by his first name, Alexander.  It's weird, when introducing him to work colleagues or acquaintances, I'll introduce him with his FN, but my friends and family, I'll use is MN. 

NerdyLucy

Oh, I just thought of another. There's an attorney at work----let's say her name growing up was Linda Lee William. She married and took the last name Smith.

 

The name she goes by at work is Lee William Smith. Some people who have never met her assume she is a male attorney at first or at least wonder, but I kind if suspect that's partially why she goes by a unisex name.  

strawberrytree

Not me, but in the past year my sister has started using her middle name professionally. Family and people who have known her for a long time still call her by her first name in social settings, but anyone new she meets she introduces herself as her middle name (Elizabeth). She made the switch when she got a new boss. Some coworkers call her by a nickname not really related to either name and the rest switched to Elizabeth. She hates her first name for several reasons- it's a unisex name and she is often assumed to be male; her fn/ln are the ln/fn of a fairly well known literary character and she is sick of people making comments about it; and she hates the way it sounds in French (she lives in Montreal so the people she interacts with are about 50/50 French/English). 

BC&LM

No, all the people I know who go by their middle names have been called that since birth.  I have a friend who just went by her full name, no nickname, all through HS, and when she got to college starting going by a nickname.  It was a shortened version of her first name, but she had never used it before.  Now most people call her by it.

ho11yday

My MIL started using her MN in her 30s due to significant life changes. One of my BIL's still refer to her by her FN, but the rest of us are fine with calling her by her MN.

Likewise, my grandfather went by his MN as an adult though his family still called him by his FN.

pepperedmoth

mrscjmb9410 said:

pepperedmoth said:

I go by my MN, and switched as an adult. Actually it was more complicated than that, but that's the summary. 

My first name is Sarah --- I complained about that on the Sara/h thread!

Much, much happier with Rosemary. It was a bit of a pain, but totally worth it. I switched when I moved across the state and ended up with a totally new social circle. That's also when I met my husband. So MH, all my ILs, and 80-90% of my friends all call me the new name without problem. 

My immediate blood family stuck with Sarah. So did maybe 10% of my oldest friends. Everyone else that knew me before switched. 

@Pepperedmoth I am in a very nosy mood and I want more information - what was complicated? what prompted you to switch? how was it a pain? etc etc. 

@mrscjmb9410,

The complicated part was that Rosemary wasn't actually my original middle name. I chose it, added it as a middle name legally (I didn't want to get rid of anything my parents gave me), and started going by it. 

I wanted to switch because I never identified with being a Sarah. There were so many Sarahs in any context I was in growing up that I didn't even turn my head when it was called. I just really didn't like it. I wanted a name that had nicknames, that had a family connection, that was a little more unusual without being weird. 

The difficult part wasn't changing it legally --- that was easy --- but is actually the going-by-the-middle-name part. 

In my day-to-day life the most annoying part is how it works with my job. Usually the scheduler tells patients they have an appointment with "Rosemary" but sometimes there's a sub and she will say "Sarah." Either way they see my first name on the door (that was a mistake when I was hired --- I put it the right way on the form, but the contractors messed it up). Then I introduce myself to patients by my middle and they look confused. Then I write a prescription and of course "Sarah" has to be on that because my DEA# is under my legal name, first-and-last. When I order labs 'Sarah" comes up too. But when I answer the phone, I answer as "Rosemary" and some confused lab tech is all, "But I wanted Sarah . . . ?" and then I have to explain. Same with giving orders over the phone. I usually remember and tell people that "Sarah (lastname)" is ordering the INR, CTU, CBC, KUB, whatever it is . . . but when I slip and say that I'm "Rosemary (lastname)" confusion can result. 

It'd be easier if I was a doctor (I'm an NP) because then I'd just go by "Doctor Lastname." I swear that  half my motivation for wanting my DNP one day is so I can do that! 

Otherwise it's NBD. In some ways I kind of like it --- if a telemarketer sneaks through my caller ID I can almost always tell, because they call me by my first name!

If I had it to do all over I'd add Rosemary as a legal first name --- Rosemary Sarah Ann --- instead of a middle --- Sarah Rosemary Ann. But if I'd had Rosemary ready-to-hand already in the MN spot, it'd be easier to avoid the legal fees and court documents and just go by it. I think there are very few professions other than medicine and law where it'd be so much of a hassle!

Either way, I am SO MUCH HAPPIER with Rosemary that I don't regret it. 

Helenahhandbasket

@pepperedmoth -thanks for sharing that.  I am fascinated. 

Scarlett&Gatsby

HisGirlFriday929 said:

My grandmother did this. Her name was Pearl Maxine and I guess she hated Pearl (per my dad). So I always knew her as going by Maxine.

I totally forgot that my great-grandma went by her MN until I read this.

I'm not really sure when she decided to switch to her MN. She hated her FN because it was an obscure man's name in the Bible, and she didn't want a man's name.

SnoopyLuv

My mom named me something and intended to call me by my MN (Michelle). When I got to Kindergarten, for some stupid reason, she didn't tell the teacher to call me Michelle. So I went by my legal FN ALL through school. Close friends knew I was Michelle at home and something else at school. I tried going by double names but that didn't work. It was confusing and awkward.

When I got to college, I made the conscious effort to switch to my MN. I finally legally changed the order when I was pregnant with DD1 because I had a bad experience in a hospital with calling me by my first name. So now I'm legally Michelle.

Even though it was a true PITA, I'm so glad I changed it. My history though is why I get so bent out of shape when posters intend to call LOs by MNs or say things like "just give a girly MN"

RedInLove

A girl I went to basic training with had an obviously female first name, but really didn't like it and went by her middle name.

NatalieLauren11

Not her middle name but my sister' real name is Angela but she goes by Suzan because it was my others sisters favorite character from a book when she was 3. I have no clue how a 3 year old convinced the whole family to switch from Angela to Suzan but she's now 42 and people are shocked when they find out she's not really Suzan.

Cocoasushi

I use my first name because I'm not particularly fond of my middle names, but both my husband and daughter chose to go by one of their middle names. My husband uses his first middle name( we all three have two middle names, haha) and goes by Damien. He and his father share a first name so it just makes things easier. Out daughter goes by her second middle name. It just suits her better. She seemsuch more like a Piper than anything else. I've offered to let her go by her other names but she prefers Piper as well.