Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

how do you know who and when to tell?

I had a d&c almost two weeks ago after our second ultrasound showed no heartbeat at 7-8 weeks. now that im starting to try and get back to the "real world" im finding it hard to figure out who to tell. our family and close friends know but its those other relationships im not sure of. for example, im getting together with my neighbor tmrw. we normally take a class or two at the gym together or chat outside of our houses, etc. shes not a friend I tell everything to but we have talked about pregnancy, children, etc. I know shes going to ask how I am and comment that we havent seen eachother. part of me wants to just tell her, but the other part of me is like for what? its such a downer, then she feels bad. and I feel bad that she feels bad, etc. but I feel like I have this big secret or something. I dont care who knows, I just hate having to be the one who tells them. does this make any sense?

Re: how do you know who and when to tell?

  • yes it definitely makes sense. i blurted it out to people when they asked why i havent been around and then later got pissed because they didn't react how i wanted them to. so i would recommend making something up if you want to avoid thst happening. i also told people more spitefully when they have asked me lately about whrn i sm gonna start trying, what's the status etc., to make people feel bad for asking and being nosy. I'm sure you will find a good response for each type of situation. I think you could say "female problems" and most people wont press you for more. Good luck

    Missed M/C natural cycle 10/2013

    DX PCOS 3/2014

    2 cycles Clomid 50 mg + Ovidrel + TI

    1 cycle Clomid 50 mg + TI - no response stair-stepped to Clomid 75 mg + Ovidrel + TI

    1 cycle Clomid 50 mg + Ovidrel + IUI

    1 cycle Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Follistim + Ovidrel + TI

    1 cycle Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Folistim + Ovidrel + IUI

    1 cycle Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Follistim  - no response, repeated Letrozole 7.5 mg + 150 mg Follistim + Ovidrel + IUI = success! 12/2014

    Beta 1 - 15 dpiui, 324, Beta 2 - 17 dpiui 750. Twins!!

    My Blog: pcosandpizza.blogspot.com


  • First of all I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I just miscarried yesterday but am already thinking whether I should be open and tell others I'll be around or try to keep it to myself. Like you said, it's not that I don't want others to know I just don't want to make the conversation turn upsetting and feel bad. This morning I was scheduled to be at a meeting that I had to back out of and a friend/colleague kept texting me to see where I was, asking if I was okay and everything. I broke down and just had to tell her what happened and ended up feeling better that I did - she was very nice and supportive about it and asked if she could take me anywhere or stop by. Funny how that worked out because in my mind I wanted to avoid her since she just had a baby earlier this year and I knew that would be tough on me. 

    I think you have to judge it depending on the person and situation. If you'll see them often enough and feel comfortable I think it's worth sharing. You never know when you might need them or just need to chat about it. 
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  • I'm sorry for your loss. We had told no one that I was pregnant in case something happened. Well it did at 9w. I was sooo glad I had not told people but I did tell a hand full of very close friends and our parents and my sister. I had to tell I was pregnant and just had a d&c. It was supposed to be our Christmas surprise.
    I've chosen not to tell people. I'm more of a private person anyways though. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me or look at me differently - just my opinion. It's up to you in the end. Best of luck!
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
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