July 2013 Moms
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does it/would it bother you if a woman bf'd in front of your husband without a cover?

edited November 2013 in July 2013 Moms
I'm curious to know where people stand on this.

does it/would it bother you if a woman bf'd in front of your husband without a cover? 216 votes

Of course not.
66% 144 votes
Maybe a little bit, but I wouldn't say anything about it.
26% 58 votes
It would make me very uncomfortable.
5% 12 votes
That's completely inappropriate and I would be very upset.
0% 2 votes
«1

Re: does it/would it bother you if a woman bf'd in front of your husband without a cover?

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    ceechieceechie member
    edited November 2013
    I think the only exception would be if she was being "showy" about it. As if she wanted him to notice she was bfing with out a cover. Trust, these women do exist, ie. "I'm a proud bfing mom, and I want everyone to see and notice that I don't care." Get it?
    Eta- instead of "I've got to feed this kid, whateve'."
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    I put a little bit but wouldn't say anything.  I mean, theoretically it would not bother me at all because I don't think there is anything wrong with NIP even without a cover.. but it might bother me slightly if actually in the situation, particularly if I knew the woman (and especially if there was a history there with DH..)  This is more about my insecurities than issues with NIP though.  :)  Ridiculous, I know.
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    It would all depend on how he reacted. If he was being inappropriate (staring, making weird comments, etc), I'd be upset. But not with her. She's just feeding her baby and it's not always feasible or even preferable to use a cover.


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    KKinATX said:
    None of these really apply, because my DH would get so weirded out he would remove himself from the situation.  He has completely supported me BFing both kids but he has no desire to see another woman do it.  That's just his personality.  
    This. DH would probably run out of the room. Like PP said, it's not a sexual thing. 
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    KKinATX said:

    None of these really apply, because my DH would get so weirded out he would remove himself from the situation.  He has completely supported me BFing both kids but he has no desire to see another woman do it.  That's just his personality.  

    This exactly.
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    The reason I ask is because my friends GF is very uncomfortable (she thought NIP was illegal) and now that max hates the cover she wants me to feed him in a different room (in my own house) and I think that's ridiculous.
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    I don't think my husband would have any issues....but if it was showy then he might excuse himself....

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    mandyrator79mandyrator79 member
    edited November 2013
    The reason I ask is because my friends GF is very uncomfortable (she thought NIP was illegal) and now that max hates the cover she wants me to feed him in a different room (in my own house) and I think that's ridiculous.

    wow, that's crazy. none of my babies have put up with a cover. but I am very careful not to be showing anything when nursing in front of others. I don't get the fuss, even without a cover it's not like much is showing at all. someone would have to come stand over me to see anything. your friend just has some weird feelings about breastfeeding. maybe she's never been around anyone that's nursed before.
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    Nope. My husband doesn't care.


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    ceechie said:
    I think the only exception would be if she was being "showy" about it. As if she wanted him to notice she was bfing with out a cover. Trust, these women do exist, ie. "I'm a proud bfing mom, and I want everyone to see and notice that I don't care." Get it? Eta- instead of "I've got to feed this kid, whateve'."
    This. I know several of these "I'm so proud that I BF, here's my boob for everyone to see." And they sit around and brag about where they BF'd and who they did it in front of. It's like you get more points if you BF'd in a large crowd, or in front of a man, especially if you don't know them. It's really weird. 

    Other than that ridiculousness, it wouldn't bother me. My DH would probably leave the room, as it would make him uncomfortable, but I wouldn't be offended. 

    I NIP all the time, but I cover, LO seems to prefer the cover anyway. 
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    The reason I ask is because my friends GF is very uncomfortable (she thought NIP was illegal) and now that max hates the cover she wants me to feed him in a different room (in my own house) and I think that's ridiculous.

    Wtf. Ridiculous.


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    I wouldn't care at all. Tell your friend's GF she's not welcome in your home.
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    It really bums me out that the bottom two got any votes at all :(

    This.
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    Funny, I seem to remember in high school a male friend of mine was grossed out by a woman nursing in public at the museum he worked at. I think when you actually notice a woman NIP, it no longer seems sexual. It's just a mother feeding a baby. He was a teenager and was just grossed out by all the visible veins that show.
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    I BF in front of men all the time and I never use a cover. I do it when we have people over to our house, at work, when we visit friends at their houses, and plenty of other places in public! I've never even considered not doing it just cause a man is around, whether single or married. On occasion I've had someone go somewhere else because they were more comfortable doing that, but pretty rarely. I certainly don't care if anyone BFs in front of my husband, and plenty of women I know have done so. 
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    If we are at someone else's house or out, I don't care. When @kittend was at my house and DH was home I gave her a nursing cover. If there are men in my house (it's usually my father), I go into a different room.
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    Liz4444 said:

    If we are at someone else's house or out, I don't care. When @kittend was at my house and DH was home I gave her a nursing cover. If there are men in my house (it's usually my father), I go into a different room.

    because she asked for one, or because you wanted her to use one?

    Because I wanted her to use one. She never needed it because she never fed Henry when DH was in the room. Flame if you feel like it... She didn't mind and I knew it would make my husband more comfortable in his own home.
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    The reason I ask is because my friends GF is very uncomfortable (she thought NIP was illegal) and now that max hates the cover she wants me to feed him in a different room (in my own house) and I think that's ridiculous.
    I am of the opinion that if someone is weirded out by being BF in front of, and suggests you do it somewhere else, you should suggest THEY go somewhere else. If they're being a super bitch about it you can be a super bitch back (here's a receiving blanket, feel free to cover your head with it for the next 20 minutes!). Or if they're trying to be polite you can be polite back ("You like SciFi books right? Hey DH do you want to go show her our book collection in the next room?")--you can give her an out, something else to look at, somewhere else to be, etc. if she's uncomfortable. Pull up a funny YouTube video, show them STFUParents, or whatever.
    It's not her that minds, she just doesn't want her boyfriend (Max's godfather) to see. He has said before he doesn't care, but he doesn't want her to be upset. So it's an awkward situation.
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    KKinATX said:

    None of these really apply, because my DH would get so weirded out he would remove himself from the situation.  He has completely supported me BFing both kids but he has no desire to see another woman do it.  That's just his personality.  

    This. DH would probably run out of the room. Like PP said, it's not a sexual thing. 

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    edited November 2013
    Liz4444 said:
    Liz4444 said:
    If we are at someone else's house or out, I don't care. When @kittend was at my house and DH was home I gave her a nursing cover. If there are men in my house (it's usually my father), I go into a different room.
    because she asked for one, or because you wanted her to use one?
    Because I wanted her to use one. She never needed it because she never fed Henry when DH was in the room. Flame if you feel like it... She didn't mind and I knew it would make my husband more comfortable in his own home.
    If my friend did this to me I would say that I didn't mind, but inside I would be disappointed and a bit taken aback.  It's your home, you get to do what you want, but I'm glad it wasn't me visiting ;-)
    This exactly.


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    It makes me so sad that this is an issue. Parker hates the nursing cover. If we are out I will put it on but keep his head out so I think it kinda defeats the purpose. No one has ever made a comment about being uncomfortable but I secretly hope someone does so I can flip shit. You should not have to go into another room to feed your baby especially in your own home. If they have a problem tell them to stop coming over.
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    Liz4444 said:
    Liz4444 said:
    If we are at someone else's house or out, I don't care. When @kittend was at my house and DH was home I gave her a nursing cover. If there are men in my house (it's usually my father), I go into a different room.
    because she asked for one, or because you wanted her to use one?
    Because I wanted her to use one. She never needed it because she never fed Henry when DH was in the room. Flame if you feel like it... She didn't mind and I knew it would make my husband more comfortable in his own home.
    If my friend did this to me I would say that I didn't mind, but inside I would be disappointed and a bit taken aback.  It's your home, you get to do what you want, but I'm glad it wasn't me visiting ;-)

    Yeah, good thing it wasn't you. Seriously, it was a cover, just like the one she has at home, not a burka.
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    Liz4444 said:
    Liz4444 said:
    If we are at someone else's house or out, I don't care. When @kittend was at my house and DH was home I gave her a nursing cover. If there are men in my house (it's usually my father), I go into a different room.
    because she asked for one, or because you wanted her to use one?
    Because I wanted her to use one. She never needed it because she never fed Henry when DH was in the room. Flame if you feel like it... She didn't mind and I knew it would make my husband more comfortable in his own home.
    If my friend did this to me I would say that I didn't mind, but inside I would be disappointed and a bit taken aback.  It's your home, you get to do what you want, but I'm glad it wasn't me visiting ;-)
    Ditto. 
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    I dunno, if her H would be uncomfortable in his own home, I don't see why it's such a huge deal to use a cover or go to a different room.  Everyone has a different comfort level.  I wouldn't be offended if I were @Liz4444 's house guest.  Maybe I have no room to speak because I don't BF at the moment though.  I dunno.  I just don't think it's something to get feathers a ruffle over.
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    I was thinking about this yesterday. When I showed up to DC, they were getting ready to give B a bottle. I said I would just feed him. B is terrible under a cover and pulls off a lot exposing me. There was a dad picking up his kid and he couldn't leave fast enough.

    I would have felt weird anywhere but DC. Because I am exposed. I don't know why it feels different at daycare.
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    ncchnat said:
    So I really love pie. 

    ::runs off to bake J13 all the pies:: 
    Apple, please!


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    Liz4444 said:




    Liz4444 said:


    Liz4444 said:

    If we are at someone else's house or out, I don't care. When @kittend was at my house and DH was home I gave her a nursing cover. If there are men in my house (it's usually my father), I go into a different room.

    because she asked for one, or because you wanted her to use one?
    Because I wanted her to use one. She never needed it because she never fed Henry when DH was in the room. Flame if you feel like it... She didn't mind and I knew it would make my husband more comfortable in his own home.

    If my friend did this to me I would say that I didn't mind, but inside I would be disappointed and a bit taken aback.  It's your home, you get to do what you want, but I'm glad it wasn't me visiting ;-)



    Yeah, good thing it wasn't you. Seriously, it was a cover, just like the one she has at home, not a burka.


    It's just a cover to you, but someone handing me a cover would be like saying "Hi, I think what you are doing is bit shameful, so why don't you just hide under that, k?"  It's disheartening to me that a woman would do that to another woman. I think BFing is as taboo as it is in this culture because of actions like this.

    YH could have easily left the room if he was uncomfortable.


    You realize I BF too, right. And no, my husband does not have to leave the room in his own home.
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    I don't care my DH does care, he dislikes it big time but he knows better then going head to head with me on the subject. I do cover when I NIP partly because of my modesty and second to keep DH's from voicing his opinion

     

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    One of my good friends used to do this all the time. She'd come over for a visit and whip it out. It never bothered me or him. I think the first time, he was a bit taken aback but she did it numerous times after and he would just keep carrying on a conversation with her. Personally, I always use a cover when NIP just because I'M more confortable with it but its NBD when others don't.
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    Clearly, I am the downfall of society... 8-|
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    Liz4444 said:

    Clearly, I am the downfall of society... 8-|

    I think the question should be more who should make whom comfortable? The host or guest?

    As a guest I'd want to respect the host's home. So if Liz's DH is more comfortable with not seeing his guests tatas, then so be it.

    If this was me I may suggest that my guest could use the nursery if she wanted. But it wouldn't be necessary to me. I do go in another room when my Dad and FIL are in my house though.
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    Stina2012 said:
    Clearly, I am the downfall of society... 8-|
    I think the question should be more who should make whom comfortable? The host or guest? As a guest I'd want to respect the host's home. So if Liz's DH is more comfortable with not seeing his guests tatas, then so be it. If this was me I may suggest that my guest could use the nursery if she wanted. But it wouldn't be necessary to me. I do go in another room when my Dad and FIL are in my house though.
    I use a cover when my FIL is around, or I go into another room. But that's for my comfort not his. I feel weird about it and my milk wont let down. I think the choice to use a cover should be for the bfing mom alone. And not a host/guest issue.


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