WWYD Parenting

LaurelBee

My Sil has asked if my Ds (3.5) can spend the night with my nephews who just turned 5 and a 1yo. They live 20 mins from us. The reasons I want to say no: Ds still sleeps in a crib. He has slept in reg beds when traveling and has done fine! But I'd still worry he'd roam in the middle of the night. Also my 5yo nephew is a fibber. He'll tattle on Ds for hitting him when I was watching the whole time and Ds didn't hit him, but nephew actually hit Ds! It's not a huge deal Bc there have been plenty of times where they have hit each other and even bitten each other. I just don't 100% trust the kids together unsupervised. Nephew is allowed to watch adult movies and TV like Pirates of the Carribean and Once Upon a Time. Ds is way too young for that. I'm just not sure Ds is old enough for a sleepover, but Dh has already told his sister yes. He thinks it's awesome and wants our boys to grow up close (as do I).

Would you send your LO? At what age do you think they're ready for sleepovers??

MetrosPhoenix

I would let him go. Just tell your SIL everything you just said here. Or better yet, get DH to tell her.

LaurelBee

Am I being a helicopter mom?? LMK Bc that's not a new thing for me...

angelashly

I would let him go. Enjoy your night off.

cbidt*sgirl

Do you trust SIL?  If yes, then let her know what TV you are okay with DS watching, prepare DS to sleep in the big boy bed for the sleepover and let them have fun!

theseaword

I would sent him.

RondackHiker

I'd just share my concerns about him wandering and let them know what TV he can handle and let him go.

If cousin fibs, he fibs. No big deal.

LaurelBee

@ghostmonkey Sil allows them to play in nephew's room unsupervised. I tend to keep a better eye on them when they play Bc I don't trust their antics.

I don't have a bunch of opportunities for people to watch my kids over night. Ds stayed with my parents once. I've never left Dd Bc she is EBFd. Some people are cool with dropping off their kids with family. I'm just not one of them I suppose...

LoveActually4

The fibbing wouldn't worry me, that's typical 5 year old boy stuff. Also kids have sleepovers to watch inappropriate shows and movies:)

The wandering would also concern me a bit. Just mention it to your SIL and if she takes your concerns seriously Id send him and trust she'll put the proper precautions in place. If she blows off your concerns and you're truly not comfortable I don't blame you for not sending him.

Nechie122

I'd mention the potential wandering just because I'd be concerned about stairs in the dark. Otherwise, everything else you mention is just kids being kids, the kind of stuff he'll encounter at preschool, on play dates, etc. I'd definitely let him go (if he wanted to.)

LaurelBee

Since they have a 1yo, their house still has up gates. I trust my Sil and Bil, we just have different parenting styles. I guess I just need to let my Ds figure things out for himself.

MrsJakes

Let him go. I'd let her know about the sleeping/roaming concern. Do you use a monitor at home that you could send with him? That way she'd know if he woke up in the middle of the night. 

shadypines

Bags would be packed and at door!!!

Unknown

This content has been removed.

LaurelBee

Oh, @ghostmonkey up to your usual antics. I mean this as nicely as possible, but fuck off

@pobrecita He just really likes his crib! He went through a phase at 20mos where he'd try to climb out, but I just watched him on the monitor. Now he asks to get out instead of climbing

LaurelBee

Not at all. Don't read too far into it.

LoveActually4

GhostMonkey said:

LOL. Defensive much?

I bet she is. She's asking about a certain situation. Telling her she's been doing it wrong for the last 3 years is just bitchy.

LaurelBee

GhostMonkey said:

Telling me to fuck off because I told you to stop hovering after you admitted you hover is extremely defensive.

But I'm the asshole. Ok. Whatever helps you sleep at night. 

You are an asshole. You've made a bump career out of being one. Don't be shocked when someone tells it like it is.

LoveActually4

GhostMonkey said:

HilarityEnsued said:

GhostMonkey said:

Telling me to fuck off because I told you to stop hovering after you admitted you hover is extremely defensive.

But I'm the asshole. Ok. Whatever helps you sleep at night. 

Ok but srsly... you can't see how saying, umprompted and semi-off topic "you should have started teaching your kid to figure things out on his own 3 years ago" might put someone on the defensive?

Actually she's the one that brought up letting him start figuring things out for himself. And she should, because she is way behind in that respect.

I picture her kid as one of those in the middle of a room of toys that doesn't know what to do because their every moment is planned and supervised and no one is telling them what they should be playing with.


See? That's just out of line. You do it your way, leave others to parent their way. You're just making other people feel like shit.

LaurelBee

You must have a good imagination to fill in all of your nonsense in to my life story...

nixieknox3

my BIL and SIL have very different parenting styles from DH and I, but i know that they love my kids and would never cause them any harm.  i would be up front with them about the wandering, but other than that, it is one night.  the kids will have a blast and you and DH can enjoy your night off!

jorkz821

I'd let him go but like others said, mention the wandering. Plus if they're only 20 min away, if he's uncomfortable or doesn't like it you can always go get him.

And I think it's perfectly reasonable to have these kinds of concerns before a first night away, regardless of the age tbh.

jorkz821

I didn't get the impression she'd already made up her mind? She mentioned her concerns and asked if they were valid. Lots of people said no. She hasn't said what she decided yet.

LaurelBee

Oh.

GhostMonkey said:

LaurelBee said:

GhostMonkey said:

Telling me to fuck off because I told you to stop hovering after you admitted you hover is extremely defensive.

But I'm the asshole. Ok. Whatever helps you sleep at night. 

You are an asshole. You've made a bump career out of being one. Don't be shocked when someone tells it like it is.

Oh, so name calling is acceptable and the high road now? Cool.

Stop taking it so seriously. If you don't like how people perceive you, change. Eta

Lawplusbabyweight

I would (and have) let our 3yr old have sleepovers at close friends' homes. 3 is old enough to leave to play unsupervised, and old enough to speak up if there is a problem. If we had family with kids living near us I'd be packing him off for a night every week!

ASmallWonder

This question hardly called for pulling out the "Parenting: Ur Doin It Wrong" card.  My kid is 3.5 and very independent and I'm not sure I'd send him for a sleepover.  

LaurelBee

Lol if you're but hurt about me calling you an asshole after you called yourself an asshole, then flag me.

ASmallWonder

GhostMonkey said:

elmoali said:

This question hardly called for pulling out the "Parenting: Ur Doin It Wrong" card.  My kid is 3.5 and very independent and I'm not sure I'd send him for a sleepover.  

Why not?

Reasons that I don't think the OP has so I don't think they apply.  I was just pointing out that the decision not to send them doesn't automatically mean your kid isn't independent or would stand in the middle of a room of fun not know how the fuck to have fun.

LaurelBee

Thanks everyone for your replies! I'll talk to Dh about it later. I guess I'm in the minority to think 3.5 is too young for a sleep over, so I'll see if he's still on board for Ds to go.

ASmallWonder

GhostMonkey said:

elmoali said:

GhostMonkey said:

elmoali said:

This question hardly called for pulling out the "Parenting: Ur Doin It Wrong" card.  My kid is 3.5 and very independent and I'm not sure I'd send him for a sleepover.  

Why not?

Reasons that I don't think the OP has so I don't think they apply.  I was just pointing out that the decision not to send them doesn't automatically mean your kid isn't independent or would stand in the middle of a room of fun not know how the fuck to have fun.

I wasn't asking for her reasons. Spending the night with family is extremely common in my family from an early age. Having never spent the night somewhere at 3.5 is very odd to me.

I'm trying to grow damn it. Enlighten me.

Ok well she said he sleeps in a crib.  Mine doesn't but he does wake up a lot and being in a new environment could lead to a meltdown.  I wouldn't put that on my SIL/BIL and I wouldn't want him to be upset and feel kind of alone.  I also think 3.5 is young enough that he might wander if he wakes up and is disoriented.  I'm not saying my reasons are right, I again, was just saying that having a hang up about one thing doesn't mean your kid isn't independent.

LaurelBee

FTR I may tend to be helicopter, but

HilarityEnsued said:

LaurelBee said:

Thanks everyone for your replies! I'll talk to Dh about it later. I guess I'm in the minority to think 3.5 is too young for a sleep over, so I'll see if he's still on board for Ds to go.

Honestly, spending the night at his cousins' house with his aunt and uncle is not the same as a "sleepover", in my opinion.  Spending the night in the house of one of his friends who is unrelated to you or your family is a sleepover. 

I totally get this bc I assume you've had the opportunity to drop the kids off over night with family. I've only left Ds with my parents over night once(before Dd was born,) and they stayed at our house. So sending him to my Sil's for the night is a big thing for us, ykwim?

NotSharknado

Me personally? I'd do it. Sleepovers are meant to be fun and out of routine. Dd plays in her room by herself(thank baby Jesus!) and I don't worry. I child proofed the shit out of it for a reason.

Her aunt and uncle love your son, I think he'll be fine.

Back to your fight,

LaurelBee

Lol @shanado! I think GM and I are over it.

gollywollypog

This thread is really strange. 

@laurelbee, I get it.  IMO 3.5 is young to sleep over and you are not out on any limb having concerns with it.  I think you are handling things fine, and I think it ups the nervous factor that it's your SIL, not your sister.  I think you do need to talk about what movies are appropriate for YOUR son and ask you SIL if she'll be ok with going along with that for the sleepover.  If you don't, you are running the risk of your son seeing something that he may not be emotionally ready for at 3.5.  She'll understand your concerns if she's a sensitive mom/SIL.  

Good luck!  

LuckyDad

Like everyone else, I think your concerns are legitimate and should be discussed with your SIL, but none are reason to say no. They live 20 minutes away; if there is an issue you can go get him without issue. If it's his first attempt at a sleepover there is a good chance that is what will happen anyways.

So yeah, I would say yes, drop him off, have a date night with your husband (husband gets to stay soberish), drink the wine, have the sex, then wait for the call around 10 or whatever for your husband to go get your son and bring him home.

LaurelBee

@gollywollypog Thanks girlie!

KTdidit

LuckyDad said:

Like everyone else, I think your concerns are legitimate and should be discussed with your SIL, but none are reason to say no. They live 20 minutes away; if there is an issue you can go get him without issue. If it's his first attempt at a sleepover there is a good chance that is what will happen anyways.

So yeah, I would say yes, drop him off, have a date night with your husband (husband gets to stay soberish), drink the wine, have the sex, then wait for the call around 10 or whatever for your husband to go get your son and bring him home.

I totally agree with this. DS just had his first "sleepover" a few weeks ago at my SIL's house with his cousins, ages 6 and 8. DS has spent the night a ton over my parents' house, and his bio dad used to get him EOWE, so IMO he is more used to sleeping at places other than our house than most kids. But this was his first over night without me/DH/BD, and not at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I had the same concern as you about wandering in a house that he isn't familiar with and just asked SIL to put a baby gate up. They ended up all crashing in the living room on pillows, blankets, and couch cushions. I fully expected a phone call that he wanted to come home. Nope, he had a blast with his cousins and didn't want to come home the next day.

 

I think you should discuss your concerns with your DH. If you decide to let DS go, address the wandering issue with her. I think for the unsupervised play, you will have to let that one play itself out. If he isn't in danger of being harmed I think you should let him go, you deserve a date night out!

littlestjerry

I'd be a little worried about the crib thing. When DS was a crib boy, it took a lot of work to get him to not sleep in a crib like when we went on trips. Is it the same with yours? If we were talking about this situation with DH's family, I'd be a straight up no. My parents, yes, fine. DH's siblings barely parent their own kids and MIL/FIL don't pay attention to anything that goes on around them. I'd be more likely to send him a sleepover with one of my friends than my inlaws. 

I also keep DS attached to me at all times with a bungee cord type thing, except at daycare where I glue a picture of myself to his hand in hopes that he'll sob on his first night in the dorms. Better that he depend on me than forget me, am I right?! 

LuckyDad

Little Jerry said:

I also keep DS attached to me at all times with a bungee cord type thing, except at daycare where I glue a picture of myself to his hand in hopes that he'll sob on his first night in the dorms. Better that he depend on me than forget me, am I right?! 

Well played! Well played.

Our DC actually did request family pictures, but I think that's partially so they know which parent is attached to which kid.

Mrs.adambabycakes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lqaCtHE31Y

WYEngTeacher

Didn't read 3 pages worth of replies, so maybe this was already suggested, but would it be an option for you to sleepover, too, the first time? Would that be weird? My sister & I sleep over at each other's houses with our kids a lot, but we also enjoy one another's company and mainly do it for the quiet adult time once the kids are asleep. Anyway, if that was an option, maybe you'd feel better leaving him there alone in the future once you know he's comfortable and has a "routine" there. fwiw, I don't think there is anything wrong with being a "helicopter mom" to a 3.5 year old, ffs.