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Having a crush while married

The board is so SLOW today so I think this might livin it up. ;)

Do ou think it can be harmless to have a small crush while being happily married. There is a guy at work that is nice to look at and interesting to talk to. He is very opinionated,  it is like the bump in real life. Lol. But I am very happily married and would never ever cheat or even want to with this guy. I just have a small school girl crush on him.  I was talking to someone IRL about it and they were digusted and thought I shouldnt talk to him because that is how affairs start etc etc. I think that I am married, not dead and it is ridiculous to think I will never notice another guy again. 

So can you have a harmless crush?
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Re: Having a crush while married

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    I think it can turn harmful if you're not careful. But as long as you don't put yourself in compromising positions (calling or texting him when unnecessary, being alone with him, finding yourself confiding in him) and keep a healthy relationship with your H, it's no big deal. I've had it happen. They eventually pass. Marriage is longer lasting than some crush.
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    I think it's a totally normal, biological reaction to another person you find attractive and/or you like their personality. Obviously, what you do w/ that feeling is the crux of the issue. 

    I don't think it's the same as thinking an actor is hot at all. 
    Totally this. I have nothing more to add... haha :) 

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    I think it's a totally normal, biological reaction to another person you find attractive and/or you like their personality. Obviously, what you do w/ that feeling is the crux of the issue. 

    I don't think it's the same as thinking an actor is hot at all. 
    This is what I think as well. When I first started working at this place I was talking to this guy a lot. And I was in a bad place emotionally as well as my marriage was ina bad place. I realized I had this crush and backed way, way off. Now that I amnin a good spot mentally and my marriage is rock solid I talk to him a bit and totally keep it work focused. I still have the crush. I don't think I can help that. But as you say it is what you do with it. 
    And actors are totally different. :)
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    I think it is natural to be attracted to someone's personality and/or looks.  What you do with that attraction is up to you but I do think it can be dangerous.  
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    I was worried until I read your second post. I now think it's fine. :)
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    I feel better now having others agree that you can't help it, but just be careful about it. The one person I told I totally trust and doesn't know the people at my work. I only said something to her about it because he was part of a dangerous situation at work last week and it made me remember my crush on him. It is already after the past week starting to simmer again. 

    I think sometimes if you are smart about it a crush can help your marriage. Last year I realized I just liked talking to him so much. And then I realized I wasnt talking to my husband and I really missed that. So I worked really hard on putting the energy I was putting on my crush back into my marriage and it really helped my marriage.
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    I agree that it is normal and harmless and I think that if it did turn into something more, then it was meant to be and maybe your marriage isn't so hot after all (not you in particular @SallyAnneS!)
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    While I admit that I think X, Y or Z are attractive - I don't say those words outside of my head - to anyone.  I do not have their phone #, email, etc.  I think it is better to keep admiration at a distance.
    I would seriously limit time talking to him and more time talking to your DH.
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    tmsgrl said:

    I agree that it is normal and harmless and I think that if it did turn into something more, then it was meant to be and maybe your marriage isn't so hot after all (not you in particular @SallyAnneS!)

    Umm, no. Saying an affair is meant to be is an excuse. Yes, it probably does indicate problems with your marriage if you cheat, but cheating is a decision not something that just happens.

    A crush on the other hand is normal and not a problem if you don't act on it or obsess over the person.

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    Like DH and I always say:

    "You can be on a diet and still look at the menu". ;)
    "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
    Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
    Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
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    I have had crushes in the past but chose to avoid that person so as to protect my relationship.  Once you avoid them for a while, the crush goes away, and they become just a normal every day person that has flaws and the like.
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    If you get a crush on someone and decide you made a mistake by marrying your SO and you think you were "meant to be" with this new person, you tell your SO you want a divorce and move out before you start a relationship with the new person. You don't just cheat and then say "it was meant to be". You should have more respect for the person you married than to treat them that way, even if you don't want to be married anymore.

    To answer OP's question, I don't think there's anything wrong or abnormal about having a crush. I'll admit to having had crushes. They fizzled. Just keep a professional relationship and it's NBD IMO.
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    I think there is a difference between thinking somebody is cute and funny and having a crush on a person you know IRL. I can't really explain the difference but in my mind there is one. LOL

    And if TMSgirl is saying that your marriage wasn't meant to be if you cheat, that makes sense. But I don't think another relationship was meant to be bc you DID cheat. 
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    lightgetsinlightgetsin member
    edited November 2013
    @katemw yes that is what I meant! Geez, you guys are tough.
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    Hav=Fath said:
    I think it can be normal but also can be very dangerous, I don't think most people set out to have an affair, either sexual or emotional. Have you guys watched this weeks episode of Parenthood where Julia is becoming friends with the dad from school... didn't start out as anything more than them working together and being friends but when she finds herself in a tough spot with Joel she starts leaning towards the friend for more and more support... IMO this is exactly how most affairs start, again even emotional ones which IMO are as bad or worse than sexual ones.

    I'm not saying it's wrong to have a crush on someone at work but I think it's potentially very dangerous.
    How did I not know there was a new season of Parenthood?!? Watching now!

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    tmsgrl said:
    @katemw yes that is what I meant! Geez, you guys are tough.
    Or you could reword things to mean what you actually mean.  
    Too easy. ;)
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