we have a 3 month old and he's back with his ex-wife...

anc9283

Boy, do I know how to pick 'em... I have been in a very crazy, emotionally destructive, heartbreaking relationship for over a year. My pregnancy was pretty lonely as he was in and out. He was always emotionally there via text or phone calls, and even very loving, but the majority of our relationship was on an iPhone screen. When it came time to actually spend time together it wasn't happening. Something else was always going on or some other "emergency" came up or whatever. The whole time we were together I felt he resented his ex-wife just a little too much to actually be over her. He has sole custody of his 4 year old daughter from their marriage because he didn't trust his ex-wife to raise her. She has 2 other kids with 2 other men and he saw firsthand in their marriage how she didn't really raise them so he didn't want to leave his daughter with her. In fact, he held off divorcing her because he was worried for their well-being. Their marriage finally ended when he realized the "friend from high school" she invited to dinner one night was the actually the man she was having an affair with. He so doesn't trust this woman that in the divorce papers she even has to have certain people around supervising her in her visits. Oh, and when he divorced her and moved away she didn't fight for custody and then she didn't see her daughter for almost one full year after that.

So, in the meantime he and I met and started a relationship and about 5 months in I became pregnant. When I was about 5 months along his ex-wife finally showed up to see their daughter. He stressed out about their visit the whole time, they weren't very friendly when talking, and he just wanted to get his daughter back from her and go on. Suddenly the ex-wife got a little better about being around and when our baby was 8 days old she came into town for their daughter's first day of school. Mind you, he and I had just had our baby. He was at the hospital with me the entire 4 days and then when she came into town he decided to do family time with them and didn't see me or our newborn daughter that whole time. Oh, and our daughter was in the NICU on a ventilator. Needless to say, the sh!t finally hit the fan. I cried my entire pregnancy, I went into labor at 36 weeks due to all the stress on my body and the baby, and now we had a child in the NICU (she ended up being there one month) and he STILL wasn't there for me... or the baby.

We broke up when she was 11 days old because I felt I would be a better mother being stable than riding his emotional roller coaster. It hurt pretty bad for maybe a week or so, but then I realized I really was feeling better. I woke up every day knowing how my day was going to go. I had an optimistic future and a beautiful baby girl to care for. She is now 12 weeks old and he and I even came to a place of friendly parenting. It hasn't been easy because he has hardly seen her, but I have made every effort to involve him and be kind and civil. He has seen her a total of about 39 hours (been keeping track of everything just in case) since the 4 days I mentioned before when we were at the hospital together and still in a relationship and he has paid 0 in child support or medical expenses. The same man that has sole custody of his 4 year old.

So 2 days ago he sends me the biggest blow of a text message he has yet to send me (and he's sent me some real doozies)... his ex-wife is moving here and they're dating and "seeing where things go." He, of course, being the sugar coated liar he is at first tried to play it off that she was just moving here to be closer to her daughter, but I knew better because she has NEVER done anything for her kids well-being first. She doesn't like to work so I knew if she was moving here there was a slim chance she would be providing for herself suddenly, and he moved here to be with me and start working and is now making more money than he ever has in his whole life. But apparently he doesn't think at all she's moving here because she sees a big payday. So he moved here to start a life with me and has slowly moved his whole past life and family and trash to my hometown. So, where do we go from here? At this point I can't even stand to talk to him. I can't foresee a civil conversation happening any time soon and I certainly don't want a woman who doesn't care for her own kids being around my daughter. I need to get past the emotion of betrayal from him in our personal relationship, as it sure feels like he just used me in the meantime and walked all over me for selfish gain, and focus on co parenting again. But I hit anoher roadblock in that thought process because he isn't even a good dad to her!! People are awful.