Stress? (vent!)

jezebel57

I feel like both DH and I are sooooooo stressed out right now.  I'm feeling very guilty because I lost my job and he's working hard, then coming home and doing all the things I can't physically (lifting, carrying laundry downstairs, vacuuming, etc...).  I'm an absolute control freak and HATE that I don't have control of my body right now.  Plus we have 3 high maintenance parrots that have been keeping us busy with emergency vet visits each week for the past month.  The house is a mess, my shower is in 2 weeks, and I'm just about freaking out that the babies will be here in 9 weeks tops and I'M NOT READY. DH and I suffer from anxiety and depression anyway so with all this added stuff I feel like we're both losing our minds.  I'm worried about him, he's worried about me, and the cycle continues.  

I'm really trying to just do one thing at a time (like the laundry, dishes, sweeping, cleaning bathroom and bedroom today), and then finish emptying out the babies' room.  We're painting next weekend.  I also don't want to lose our relationship but we both would feel better getting things done around the house then getting out and going somewhere and spending money we just don't have.  

Sorry for the vent, is anyone else in 2nd/3rd tri feeling the pressure right now?  I was up from midnight to 3 am last night just obsessing about all the things I had to get done.  

twistsandturnsto2

Giant hugs to you both!! How does that serenity prayer go again?

Make sure you are taking care of yourself and your babies first. If that means things don't get finished in a timely fashion, so be it. Try not to let yourself feel guilty about it, I know it's really hard tho! Same follows for you and your H, Jez. Maybe a night of take out, a movie on tv and NOT doing any chores would do you and him some good. Otherwise, just try to get things done as you can.

Do you have any family in town? I know it seems strange to ask, but some of the best help you can get at the end of pregnancy and in the first few weeks of having baby(ies) home is when people ask if you need any help, take them up on it, but ask if they wouldn't mind coming over and helping you around the house. Meals, laundry, light housework. Not just the actual care of the LOs.

@MaiTaiBeth sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you can find the help you need with her. ((Hugs))

jezebel57

twistsandturnsto2 said:

Giant hugs to you both!! How does that serenity prayer go again?

Make sure you are taking care of yourself and your babies first. If that means things don't get finished in a timely fashion, so be it. Try not to let yourself feel guilty about it, I know it's really hard tho! Same follows for you and your H, Jez. Maybe a night of take out, a movie on tv and NOT doing any chores would do you and him some good. Otherwise, just try to get things done as you can.

Do you have any family in town? I know it seems strange to ask, but some of the best help you can get at the end of pregnancy and in the first few weeks of having baby(ies) home is when people ask if you need any help, take them up on it, but ask if they wouldn't mind coming over and helping you around the house. Meals, laundry, light housework. Not just the actual care of the LOs.

@MaiTaiBeth sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you can find the help you need with her. ((Hugs))

Thanks twists- I am just feeling so overwhelmed and just tend to shut down and aren't able to do much when I get in these moods. I do go to counseling which does help. But it's the day to day stuff I am having issues with. Then I worry about when the boys get here will I be able to handle it.

Asking people to help or accepting offers of light housework would probably cause me more anxiety of people touching my things lol. I would go crazy making sure the house is spotless before they came over and there wouldn't be anything left for them to do lol . Maybe when I am getting no sleep I may change my mind!

jezebel57

MaiTaiBeth said:

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. We are supposed to be floating on clouds of baby dust right now. I try to find moments to relax and enjoy, going on a Sunday drive to nowhere w/DH today.

My stress has been terrible, my colitis is flaring (tmi...bloody diarrhea sucks) and I have minimal options for medications. I'm worried about my bp going up bc of my kidney disease progressing and harm coming to my babies with getting pre E and delivering too early. I share legal guardianship of my mother with my brother and a couple weeks ago she stopped taking her meds and we had to hospitalize her because of her hallucinations auditory and visual. Then she got out last Tuesday and I went to bring her to the Dr on Thursday (fam was there Tues and Wed) she stopped eating and threw away all her medications and I had to dig through her trash and hopefully it was oj that got on me and not something from her ostomy. I bawled from picking her up to taking her to the mental health center to going to the ER and waiting there for 7 hours to get her admitted to the hospital and mental ward both arguing who would take her to figuring out her Medicaid and getting all her meds and supplies in order. Then when she gets out, her physical health is not great, problems walking, Parkinson's but not ready for assisted living (too expensive) and doing too well for a nursing home, coordinating her care...there is no handbook and so hard to figure it all out and trying to take care of myself. I've been the primary care giver for years, before that my Aunt and then before that my brother. I need to let people help more.

You poor thing. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Dh' smother passed away 5 years ago from cancer but had four strokes during treatments and the stress we faced coordinating her care (she had aphasia, feeding tube, etc) was something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Hang in there lady and hopefully out babies will bring us more joy than we ever thought possible.

PhillyJ33

@jezebel57 and @maitaibeth- sorry you are both going through so much right now. I really hope things get easier and I am keeping both of you in my thoughts.
Jez- the thought of having to lean on family for help makes me anxious too. I hope you can push some of your thoughts to the side and find some time to relax before the boys get here. And you will be able to handle it- you might not sleep but you will be a great mama! I think we all question ourselves but we fought so hard to get here!
Beth- I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope you get some help soon and things turn the corner for the better. Take care of yourself and you come first!

Cypress82

I feel your pain girl. I have been nesting BIG time for the last month, and I lay awake at night (usually after my 4:30 am pee) just thinking of all the things I have to do. Here is what has helped for me...one thing at a time. Instead of tackling EVERYTHING in a day and exhausting yourself, just tackle ONE TASK a day. If I got ONE productive thing done a day, I called it good. 

I especially got overwhelmed about things that I relied on DH to do because I couldn't (heavy lifting, etc). We tore up the carpet under our kitchen table to lay down laminate flooring, and it was taking him FOREVER to finish it. It was causing me major anxiety because our kitchen and living room were all in disarray. It's done now except for ONE row and a trim piece; but DH got distracted with "other things that took priority". It's driving me insane, BUT...I just have to let it go and he'll get to it when he gets to it. So I hear ya on the "loss of control" - I hate relying on others to get things done; I feel so helpless. 

On top of everything, I FINALLY had the house clean and organized, ready for baby, and our septic pump died last week. Sewage backed up into my shower!! So my bathroom was tore up for a week and we could only use one bathroom in the house out of 3. Couldn't do laundry, wash dishes, nothin. It gave me just a tad of anxiety, BUT...I figured, well...if baby comes, whatever. We'll deal with it. But...perfect timing. It's finally fixed, but holy moly...

Somebody else mentioned this...get friends to help if they're willing to. A friend of mine came over and vacuumed my entire lower level, dusted the house, carried heavy things down to storage for me, etc. It really helped. So if you have people willing to help, take them up on it.

Thankfully, baby has decided my womb is THE place to be, so he hasn't made his appearance yet, which has given me an opportunity to get stuff done around the house. I am officially on maternity leave, so now I am just fishing for things to do around the house to prevent boredom. Getting cabin fever big time. I guess there's always cleaning to do

So...remember to take care of yourself first, and if there are things that don't get done before the babies arrive, then so be it. Not the end of the world. I know that's hard to grasp, but...you just have to look at it that way. 

PS  I have 3 parrots as well (sun conure, african grey, blue and gold macaw), so I hear ya on the "high maintenance pet" thing too. And ER vet visits does NOT sound like fun; very stressful - sorry Hope they're okay!

jezebel57

Cypress82 said:

I feel your pain girl. I have been nesting BIG time for the last month, and I lay awake at night (usually after my 4:30 am pee) just thinking of all the things I have to do. Here is what has helped for me...one thing at a time. Instead of tackling EVERYTHING in a day and exhausting yourself, just tackle ONE TASK a day. If I got ONE productive thing done a day, I called it good. 

I especially got overwhelmed about things that I relied on DH to do because I couldn't (heavy lifting, etc). We tore up the carpet under our kitchen table to lay down laminate flooring, and it was taking him FOREVER to finish it. It was causing me major anxiety because our kitchen and living room were all in disarray. It's done now except for ONE row and a trim piece; but DH got distracted with "other things that took priority". It's driving me insane, BUT...I just have to let it go and he'll get to it when he gets to it. So I hear ya on the "loss of control" - I hate relying on others to get things done; I feel so helpless. 

On top of everything, I FINALLY had the house clean and organized, ready for baby, and our septic pump died last week. Sewage backed up into my shower!! So my bathroom was tore up for a week and we could only use one bathroom in the house out of 3. Couldn't do laundry, wash dishes, nothin. It gave me just a tad of anxiety, BUT...I figured, well...if baby comes, whatever. We'll deal with it. But...perfect timing. It's finally fixed, but holy moly...

Somebody else mentioned this...get friends to help if they're willing to. A friend of mine came over and vacuumed my entire lower level, dusted the house, carried heavy things down to storage for me, etc. It really helped. So if you have people willing to help, take them up on it.

Thankfully, baby has decided my womb is THE place to be, so he hasn't made his appearance yet, which has given me an opportunity to get stuff done around the house. I am officially on maternity leave, so now I am just fishing for things to do around the house to prevent boredom. Getting cabin fever big time. I guess there's always cleaning to do

So...remember to take care of yourself first, and if there are things that don't get done before the babies arrive, then so be it. Not the end of the world. I know that's hard to grasp, but...you just have to look at it that way. 

PS  I have 3 parrots as well (sun conure, african grey, blue and gold macaw), so I hear ya on the "high maintenance pet" thing too. And ER vet visits does NOT sound like fun; very stressful - sorry Hope they're
okay!

I am amazed you are still able to do anything at this point in the game! Good for you!!!! I am an all or nothing kind of person donuts frustrating to only get one thing done- but you are totally right. That's what I need to concentrate on. Regarding the parrots- I have a cockatoo, African grey, and parrotlet. The cockatoo has a collar right now due to plucking blood feathers for the fun of it and has been at the vet more times in the past 6 months than in 6 years. What's weird is he started it at the same time my stims started in may. Wondering if its hormonal. Anyway, much love and luck to you and can't wait for the news that your little one is here!!!

Cypress82

jezebel57 said:

I am amazed you are still able to do anything at this point in the game! Good for you!!!! I am an all or nothing kind of person donuts frustrating to only get one thing done- but you are totally right. That's what I need to concentrate on. Regarding the parrots- I have a cockatoo, African grey, and parrotlet. The cockatoo has a collar right now due to plucking blood feathers for the fun of it and has been at the vet more times in the past 6 months than in 6 years. What's weird is he started it at the same time my stims started in may. Wondering if its hormonal. Anyway, much love and luck to you and can't wait for the news that your little one is here!!!

Thanks!! I have to keep busy or I will go insane. You can only watch so much TV/movies and surf the internet for so long. I am just so READY. I have waited 4 years for this - I guess that has taught me some patience, right? What's another week Feather picking sucks. I haven't had that w/ any of my birds, but I can imagine how stressful it must be for you. Are you worried about your African grey mimicking the babies cry? Cuz I am! He totally will, and I will be like "Is that the baby? Or the bird?" Ha ha!

Oh, also wanted to say...make sure you and DH are doing some things just the two of you. This is the time for it. Money is a concern w/ us too, but we try to make it a priority to have "date night", go to a movie, out to eat, or even a walk. This is the last time it is going to be just the two of you, so take advantage of it, leave the dishes for another night, and spend some quality time together

katekat8721

I'm sorry you guys are so stressed. Hopefully things will calm down for you here soon. Hang in there girlie!

jezebel57

Cypress82 said:

jezebel57 said:

I am amazed you are still able to do anything at this point in the game! Good for you!!!! I am an all or nothing kind of person donuts frustrating to only get one thing done- but you are totally right. That's what I need to concentrate on. Regarding the parrots- I have a cockatoo, African grey, and parrotlet. The cockatoo has a collar right now due to plucking blood feathers for the fun of it and has been at the vet more times in the past 6 months than in 6 years. What's weird is he started it at the same time my stims started in may. Wondering if its hormonal. Anyway, much love and luck to you and can't wait for the news that your little one is here!!!

Thanks!! I have to keep busy or I will go insane. You can only watch so much TV/movies and surf the internet for so long. I am just so READY. I have waited 4 years for this - I guess that has taught me some patience, right? What's another week Feather picking sucks. I haven't had that w/ any of my birds, but I can imagine how stressful it must be for you. Are you worried about your African grey mimicking the babies cry? Cuz I am! He totally will, and I will be like "Is that the baby? Or the bird?" Ha ha!

Oh, also wanted to say...make sure you and DH are doing some things just the two of you. This is the time for it. Money is a concern w/ us too, but we try to make it a priority to have "date night", go to a movie, out to eat, or even a walk. This is the last time it is going to be just the two of you, so take advantage of it, leave the dishes for another night, and spend some quality time together

i'm worried that the grey will imitate me and DH arguing once they are here... lol.  the cockatoo is more likely to imitate the crying sound.  he heard a newborn on youtube and did it a second later.  quick learner. lol.