Pumping by choice

PixiesDust

I feel like I'm opening myself up for critism, but was wondering if anyone else is exclusivly pumping or mostly pumping by choice.  I EBF (save for one or two bottles) for the first three weeks and found that I was constantly anxious and angry every time i had to nurse.  I felt like I was spending all day everyday tied to my couch.  Although DD doesn't have any problems BF (other than my need to use a nipple shield), I dont enjoy it and didnt feel like there was any significant bonding taking place during that time -- between getting her positioned onmu  my Mombo pillow with one hand and supporting my boob and the shield with the other, I was barely holding her and spent the whole time sitting uncomfortably waiting for her to finish. 

Earlier this week I gave her a bottle of expressed milk before bed.  Not only did she sleep for longer than 2-2.5 hours (she slept for 4!) but I didnt spend all evening feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.  I nursed her during the middle of the night and first thing when we both got up for the day.  But for the rest of the day I pumped and gave her a bottle and was amazed as how much more relaxed I felt. I also finally started to enjoy feeding her because we could cuddle up together in a way we were both comfortable.  I've continued to bottle feed, pumping right before or right after she eats, and nursing only in the middle of the night.  It's changed my life and I'm so much happier now, but still feel guilty.  I realize that when I go back to work in January this will be the norm and therefore it shouldn't be a big deal, but I still feel like a bad, selfish mom.  Is anyone else pumping to feed their LO by choice?  It would be really nice to hear I'm not the only one.

ballygirl

I am mostly pumping as well. It took a long time for my milk to come in and by the 3rd day my nipples were bloody from several marathon nursing sessions in which the twins were not getting anything. We had to start pumping and supplementing w formula after that. My milk is in now but I'm still a little gun shy about nursing. I can't manage to keep them on the same schedule, so tandem nursing is out and they are just so much faster with the bottle, plus DH can help, so I'm mostly pumping and still supplementing when I run out of milk.

juliane2004

Definitely find what works and do it! Mama's sanity is important too, and your LO is still getting the BM you want her to have.

sweettooth87

I think you're doing great! You're doing what's best for you and your LO! If you get more cuddles and happiness from pumping and feeding from a bottle, I think it's the clear choice. I know it's hard not to, but try not to second guess yourself. You're doing fantastic.

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kimbo1216

Okay. I say this in a very supportive manner because I have been there. You sound very much like me with my first. I kind of hated bf. It overwhelmed me. I didn't like being her only source of food. I had to leave for a few hours at three weeks pp and went back to work at 4. So I started pumping around 2.5 weeks pp. DH giving DD a bottle felt like such a relief. My pump was my new best friend. DD had no problem taking the bottle and did great at her sitter's. Sounds great. Right?

Well, DD started being less and less interested in the boob. And I let her have a bottle too much when I was around. After a couple of months, she was only nursing once or twice a day. And when she was fussy, the boob wasn't a comfort to her like it is or most bf babies. By 4 or 5 m, she was down to nursing in the am only. By 6, maybe 7 m, she had zero interest whatsoever in the boob. I was pretty much an EP'er by them anyway, but it was finally official. And I kept it up until she was 12m--providing enough BM to last her until she was 13.5 m.

By 6m pp, it was winter and my nipples were paying the price. I never had to use lanolin before then. But had to start using it all the time. I was miserable. I would bleed into the bottle. I was finally able to get it under control somewhat, but they didn't fully heal until I stopped pumping at 12 m. I started dropping a pump here and there around 9m and was down to one a day by 12.

I tell you all this because I wish I had seen the bigger picture back then. I wish I would not have let my being overwhelmed with ebf stop me from nursing more. I wish the pump I loved at first had not grown to be my biggest frienemy ever. Because I can tell you I became a slave to the pump just as much as I felt like a slave to my NB.

So why did I keep it up? Because providing BM was not only important to me, but I had a great supply and would have felt selfish if I had just thrown that away knowing so many women struggle to provide every ounce they can. And I'm cheap. I did not want to buy formula. It wasn't worth it to me.

Was it all worth it? Heck yes. Would I do it again? Yes. If I had to. But that's where I'm trying to remind myself to just get through these rough beginnings so I can make it to the blissful parts. Plus I WAH now. So that should make things a lot easier.

So I say if you really want to EP, go for it! But proceed with caution knowing it may not always be the greener pasture it appears to be now.

Mae208

Brittlentz said:

I think it is great that you found a way to feed your baby that you feel good about and is comfortable for you! No judgement from me!

This exactly! Do NOT feel guilty! You are doing what's best for you and your baby and that's just great!

jennlin

It's great you found something that works for you--but just a word of caution that pumping is easy now when they are nb and sleeping a lot more. Pumping when a needy/awake/mobile 6mos+ baby is a lot more difficult. Take that into consideration when you are thinking about your bf/pumping goals.

slh6363

I was in the same place! I began dreading feeding times and felt more frustration than bonding! But I also feel the guilt for some reason! I started an EP check in on the BF board if you'd like to join!

apritchett50

I'm also pumping just because I don't like breastfeeding!

ksimo6

This is exactly how I feel. You are not alone. Once I have up nursing for pumping, my anxiety began to recede. As long as mom is healthy both mentally and physically, baby will be too. Good work mama.

knottied2a666e3e38a2a87

I hate breastfeeding, I actually hate everything about lactating. I'm pumping three times a day, getting what I get, mixing it with formula and calling it even.

ABrenn

I am clearly the minority, but I EP and never even tried BFing... Personally I am not comfortable with the whole BFing thing (no this does not mean I am against it in any way for other people, it's just not for me). I EPed with my DS for 5 months. My goal is to EP this time around for a year if I can. I don't understand the backlash with EPing. I got crap from all the nurses and doctors while I was in the hospital... My DD's pediatrician even said "well how long do you think you will be able to keep THAT up?" To me, it doesn't matter how they get BM, but that they are getting it. Why should it matter that I chose to EP? Yes, I know it's much harder and more time consuming, but it's what works for me...

MrsMommyQ

I'm pumping by choice. I'm not EPing--we are supplementing with formula and I'm ok with it. I wanted DS to get some breastmilk but I didn't want to BF. I tried at the hospital bc the nurses were a bit skeptical about my EP plan. Pumping is going great with us and I'm very happy with my decision. Happy mom = happy baby. My pedi is also totally on board, which is really great too.

muffyvonmuff

Hmmmm I feel exactly like you OP.  But all these responses have me second guessing myself.  I have been pumping after my am feeding and freezing it and pumping after my last pm feeding and having DH give DS that bottle to buy me and extra 1-2 of sleep.  Then recently I have been pumping if I'm going anywhere in the middle of the day so I don't have to whip out my boob at lunch or in the grocery store which I find majorly inconvenient.  So other then that he is still on my boob for more feedings than not but I really find that bottle so much easier.  Breastfeeding can be so distracting for both me and whoever I'm with while out.  I feel like I cant focus on anyone and they just stare at me nursing.  ::sigh:: I will just stick out this routine I got going I guess with 2 bottle feedings a day and hope it gets easier.

kimbo1216

@has615, FWIW my story wasn't meant to scare you, OP, or anyone. It was simply my tale and meant to be a bit cautionary as someone who has btdt.

Right now, pumping will definitely seem easier. But as LO gets older and better at nursing and all these struggles are in the past, you *may* (notice I did not say will) regret it. At least that's what happened to me. It may not happen at all for you. I had a friend who EP'd from the start and was happy with her choice. It's very much a "to each their own thing".

I guess, for me, I just wish I had used a little more caution every time I so eagerly offered the bottle in those early days. But again, I was able to successfully EP and keep up my supply for a year. So if you are willing to commit, it's worth it IMO. But as I mentioned above, keep in mind it may not always be the greener pasture it is now.

My advice would be to find a balance that works for you. But a tip: use the slowest flow nipple you can find like a premie nipple. It will give you the best shot at switching between boob and bottle.

manders726

I did this DD.  We had issues the first few weeks with trying to breastfeed (saw a couple lactation consultants, tried nipple shields, etc.) and it was just so stressful.  I chose to EP and it was such a relief to have DH and others be able to help out with the feedings.

BUT- I found I was tethered to the breast pump.  It sucked, especially when I was out somewhere and would have to leave early or make sure I was home by a certain time (because a double Medela pump isn't exactly easily portable!).  It would have been great to just duck into a secluded spot and have DD latch on.  My milk also started to dry up around 4 months and we ended up switching to all formula.  I hated giving her that first formula bottle, but within a week I got over my guilt and realized how less stressed I was.

I'm determined to breastfeed as much as possible with DS.  He latched incredibly well the first time he tried and has been doing well ever since he came home from the NICU.  Honestly though, I think it's because my nipples protrude so much better from all that pumping I previously did- so maybe EP'ing was beneficial after all!

MissLauraPants

I'm pumping by choice too for pretty much all the reasons you have listed. I have told others in person and have received some criticism. For me, it's much easier. I'm getting more than 40 Oz a day doing it every 5-6 hrs. If it gets hard or I have to give it up than I'm ok with that and will switch to formula but I'm trying for a goal of 3 months then spread it longer.

Jalee85

I EP'd for a week, and I finally am making use of a nipple shield. She no longer screams bloody murder trying to get her to latch. Pumping was okay, but I'm enjoying BFing much more. The baby isn't attached to the wall by a cord, is not noisy, and baby makes it more private and doesn't show as much around other people. You have to do what is best for you though. I was pumping every 2 hours my breast never fully softened nor emptied, and I had times in the MOTN that my supply would tank and I would have to give formula so it was starting to get stressful for me.

lawyerlindsay

crunchymama11 said:

AmyG* said:

kimbo1216 said:

Okay. I say this in a very supportive manner because I have been there. You sound very much like me with my first. I kind of hated bf. It overwhelmed me. I didn't like being her only source of food. I had to leave for a few hours at three weeks pp and went back to work at 4. So I started pumping around 2.5 weeks pp. DH giving DD a bottle felt like such a relief. My pump was my new best friend. DD had no problem taking the bottle and did great at her sitter's. Sounds great. Right? Well, DD started being less and less interested in the boob. And I let her have a bottle too much when I was around. After a couple of months, she was only nursing once or twice a day. And when she was fussy, the boob wasn't a comfort to her like it is or most bf babies. By 4 or 5 m, she was down to nursing in the am only. By 6, maybe 7 m, she had zero interest whatsoever in the boob. I was pretty much an EP'er by them anyway, but it was finally official. And I kept it up until she was 12m--providing enough BM to last her until she was 13.5 m. By 6m pp, it was winter and my nipples were paying the price. I never had to use lanolin before then. But had to start using it all the time. I was miserable. I would bleed into the bottle. I was finally able to get it under control somewhat, but they didn't fully heal until I stopped pumping at 12 m. I started dropping a pump here and there around 9m and was down to one a day by 12. I tell you all this because I wish I had seen the bigger picture back then. I wish I would not have let my being overwhelmed with ebf stop me from nursing more. I wish the pump I loved at first had not grown to be my biggest frienemy ever. Because I can tell you I became a slave to the pump just as much as I felt like a slave to my NB. So why did I keep it up? Because providing BM was not only important to me, but I had a great supply and would have felt selfish if I had just thrown that away knowing so many women struggle to provide every ounce they can. And I'm cheap. I did not want to buy formula. It wasn't worth it to me. Was it all worth it? Heck yes. Would I do it again? Yes. If I had to. But that's where I'm trying to remind myself to just get through these rough beginnings so I can make it to the blissful parts. Plus I WAH now. So that should make things a lot easier. So I say if you really want to EP, go for it! But proceed with caution knowing it may not always be the greener pasture it appears to be now.

Read this, and let it sink in.

Exclusively pumping is a option. 

Right now in the newborn phase, baby is nursing ALL.THE.TIME and you feel like you couldn't actually do anything at all except nurse and sit on the couch.

Pumping seems so EASY and FAST. You pump for 15-20 minutes every 2-3 and get enough milk and it seems like a good option.  Bottle feeding may be faster than nursing--[realize the bottle should still take 20 minutes to give so baby's brain has time to realize they are full so they don't overeat.]

Keep in mind that after the 6 weeks growth spurt settles down, for most moms breastfeeding becomes so much EASIER and FASTER. Baby begins to nurse for 10-15 minutes every 2.5-3 hours.  If pumping, you are still needing to pump for at least 15-20 minutes every 2-3 hours in addition to taking the time to give the bottle.

Pumping never gets easier for most women.  Sure you hear the stories of moms that exclusively pump and are able to pump 3-4 times a day and get 25-30 oz of milk easily.  But most moms still are pumping 20 minutes every 3 hours during the day and waking up once or twice in the night in order to collect the 25 oz baby needs a day.   That part sucks!

My 13+ years of experience with breastfeeding tells me that most moms don't find long termp Eping as easy.  Most Epers find as baby gets older,  their supply tends to go down over time, rather than staying the same or increasing.  They'll pump just as much when their baby is 9 months as they had to do when their baby was 9 days old.  while moms who are breastfeeding find feedings get shorter and shorter 10 minutes 6-8 times a day. 

Talk to some women on the Bfing board, you'll get some who will tell you to get baby back to the breast at all cost, but ask for the Epers to answer you.  There is usually an Eping check in, and links to Eping boards to get more help.

Like anything with your baby from car seats, cribs, type of formula, and type of pump to buy, or choice of pediatrician and vaccine schedules--try to get the info from both sides, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I can give you hints on Eping to help you out, but do some research talking to eping moms first.

 

All of this. Plus many women find they cannot keep up their supply long-term, so if providing BM for the recommended 1 year is important to you realize that it will make EPing that much harder.

Shoot, I had to EP for 4 days when DD#1 was 2 months old, and I lost 4 oz after 1 day and 10 oz after the 4 days. And that was with me pumping for 45 min at a time every 2 1/2 hours around the clock. It took almost a week of nursing nonstop to get my supply back up. EPing is really hard to maintain.

You do what you feel is best, though.

There seem to be pros and cons to both.  Contrary to the above highlighted comment, I know several women who EP'd and were able to build up enough of a freezer stock to stop pumping at 6 months, but feed BM through 1 year.  I like the sound of that.

tbug082810

Glad I wasn't the only one feeling this way. My baby is such a ravenous baby and destroyed my nipples right away. He was never satisfied and the night I gave him formula he was the happiest little thing. I was and am still sad that bf hasn't worked out for us but I've been pumping like crazy and give him as much as I can (I suffer from low supply) Since that day I no longer dread feeding him. It's a time that we can both enjoy together and I feel like we have bonded way more too.

kimbo1216

@pixiesdust, did this help you at all? You never responded.

I just want to reiterate that when it comes down to it, do what works for you! I truly meant my story to be cautionary and not judgmental or make you feel like your choice is invalid. If it makes you feel any better, I got more support than criticism when I EP'd. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

PixiesDust

Yes.  Thank you all for your responses.  @kimbo1216 and @amyg, i truly appreciate your insight and will definately take your advice into consideration.  Realizing that I'm not the only one and that my happiness is also important are enough to justify (to myself) the decision rely more heavily on pumping. I realize that a lot of mom's would love to not have to pump at all, and I'm open to going back to breast if necessary in the future, but right now the 20 minutes i spend pumping every 3-5 hours allows me to be a much better mom (instead of being a constantly frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious mom).  Thanks again for all of your responses.  Everyone's support and honesty is what makes this board and you ladies so great!