Feeling scared and need advice :(

proudmommy15

I will try to make this short and to the point. 

For the past 11 months I have been pretty much a single parent, my daughters father wasn't in her life and I was living at home with my mom. Everything that my daughters father should've been there for (Dr's appts, shots, family vacations, etc) my mom was there for us instead of him so we have grew very close to her. I have been close to her my whole life and she is also like a best friend to me, I love her so much for being a great mother to me and also a wonderful Meme to my daughter. My baby girl loves her Meme so much since we have lived in the house with her since she was born, that's all she knows and when my daughter was up every hour to breast feed she also helped me through those rough times. There were alot of reasons why my daughters father and I couldn't work our relationship out at the time and even though he was in his mid 20s I don't think he was completely ready for a child. He has came around now and is actually great around our daughter but it is SO SO hard for me to forget the past for some reason. I love him so much, I constantly thought about him when we weren't together and tried seeing other people but I couldn't ever get him out of my head or why he couldn't just act like a decent father then. In the time that we were separated he purchased his own house and has now made mention of us living with him. This has brought up so many concerns with me, my daughter doesn't adapt very well to new places since my moms house is all she knows. I am very scared even thinking about it for the sake of leaving my mom when she is my sense of security and I know it would be very different not seeing her every day for both Aubree and I. I know everyone has to leave at some point but I don't wanna do anything to hard my daughter, that's the last thing I want to do. I told him that he needed to give me time to think about this and learn to trust him fully again before we made that big of a commitment. I have just recently weaned my daughter, she was exclusively breastfed for a year and I believe that has my hormones somewhat messed up too. I feel so hesitant and sad about the whole situation because I would love for us to live together as a family, I know that my daughter deserves that but the thought of it not working out and my daughter having to go there and leave me for visitation is always in the back of my mind. (She has never been away from me for more than a few hours) I have a bond with her that i'd never EVER want to do anything to harm and I would really appreciate any insight or opinions on what may be best to do in this situation. Thank you in advance and please if you don't have anything helpful or nice to say just don't reply because I am already feeling so down about this. 

TIA again.

littlemermaid

I think you guys should stay in your separate homes and you and your DD's father should start dating again to see if the relationship can go forward. I would not move out of your mother's home and into his.  You and your daughter's father need a solid relationship and commitment before you move in with him.

notkateanymore

Word of advice...if you and the father don't get back together, he's going to probably be awarded visitation, so you might as well get used to it. I would work on your relationship with him before you move in together. If that doesn't work out, you have your answer. Oh and your child is 11 months, she'll adapt to her surroundings after a little while. This is about you not wanting to leave, which after your ex treating you like crap is totally reasonable. 

kcisthebombdotcom

I would give it a year of living separately. If your relationship is still going strong at that point you can think about moving in together. If she's only eleven months old I'm guessing its only been a short time since he's come back in the picture. I think in a year you'll know if he's in it for the long haul or if its a temporary phase. I think it's pretty unfair to your kid to move her out of the home she feels comfortable in when you don't have complete confidence in her father (and rightfully so).

funchicken

I agree with the PPs--don't move in with him yet. Stay where you are, date him and start couples counseling.

rosesandpetals

I agree with PPs. I will also add that you should file for child support if you haven't done so all ready.

jlpev

KC_13 said:

I would give it a year of living separately. If your relationship is still going strong at that point you can think about moving in together. If she's only eleven months old I'm guessing its only been a short time since he's come back in the picture. I think in a year you'll know if he's in it for the long haul or if its a temporary phase. I think it's pretty unfair to your kid to move her out of the home she feels comfortable in when you don't have complete confidence in her father (and rightfully so).

This! Good luck!!

bumpuser8448316

You don't have to live together to parent your child together. Stay where you are and start spending time together and let him get to know his daughter. I understand your hesitation given his past but people can change. I think you should take it slow and see how things go.

penguingrrl

I think you got some great advice. Take time together as a family and spend time with him without your daughter. See how you both  feel about the relationship. Give it a long time before moving in together. Kids adapt and adjust, so I wouldn't worry too much about your daughter adjusting to living in a place other than your mother's home. I'm sure your mother will remain a very strong part of both of your lives and it won't hurt your daughter. 

proudmommy15

Thank you all for your advice. ☺
We have been dating again for about 2 months so I am just going to take it one day at a time. He is doing great by my daughter and I, but I finally expressed my concerns to wait on living with him and we agreed to wait at least 6 months even if things continue to go as well as they have been the past 2 months. Thanks again! ☺