AW; our anniversary, and a question

angelsnight

Today is mine and MH's 3rd wedding anniversary.  So far twice today, I've tried using the date 10/30/10 at work and couldn't figure out what the problem was.  One of the times was on an email to my entire dept, but so far only one person noticed.

My question....MH and I got married on my parent's anniversary.  We had already wanted an October wedding, and when I realized their anniversary fell on a Saturday that year, I had to have it (my mom died 9 years ago).

The first year she was gone, my brother and I spent the day with him and we got him a card, and he sadly said, I guess it's not my anniversary anymore.  But we always still tried to acknowledge it.  But he's been with his girlfriend for 6 years now so it's odd to wish him a happy anniversary, but I know he will always love my mom and I am sure today is a bittersweet day for him.  I honestly can't tell you what I've done the other years that he's been with his GF, but I don't want to just ignore it.  Neither me or my dad are very "lovely dovey sappy people" especially not with each other, so I'm kind of at a loss on what to do or say. 

ceh789

What about just a text or email to say "thinking about you today - I love you, Dad".

This was my mom's first anniversary as a widow and I really didn't know what to say so I went with that, myself.

angelsnight

@ceh789, that works!  He doesn't text, but I forgot about email.  He won't get it today, but I'm sure he'll appreciate it when he does.

ErinE683

Maybe in the future you could transition to remembering mom's birthday a little more, and focusing on your own anniversary on this day? Since your dad has been with his girlfriend for a little while now, that might be a nice way to balance it. I'm sure he'll still always love and miss your mother, but remembering the anniversary might get more painful as he tries to move on with new girlfriend. Just a thought, as I thankfully don't have personal experience with this. Sending good thoughts to you guys!

Are you and DH celebrating tonight? Happy anniversary!

angelsnight

ErinE683 said:

Maybe in the future you could transition to remembering mom's birthday a little more, and focusing on your own anniversary on this day? Since your dad has been with his girlfriend for a little while now, that might be a nice way to balance it. I'm sure he'll still always love and miss your mother, but remembering the anniversary might get more painful as he tries to move on with new girlfriend. Just a thought, as I thankfully don't have personal experience with this. Sending good thoughts to you guys!

Are you and DH celebrating tonight? Happy anniversary!

Thanks, nothing tonight really, but tomorrow we're leaving for Vegas for a long weekend!

Nickiechan

Happy Anniversary!!

Mcsweets

My cousin's first husband died unexpectedly on a scuba trip.  They believe he had an asthma attack underwater.  I'm pretty sure it's been close to 10 years since that happened and she is now happily remarried with 3 kids.

Every year on his birthday, their anniversary, and even random times she STILL gets Ben (the man who passed away) on her mind.  I know these days are struggles for her, and the support from friends/family helps a ton.  I don't know if it just shows that he's not forgotten or what. 

I think that "new spouses" of widows know that going in, and really have to be understanding - or the relationship would crumble. 

With that said, I absolutely think you should say something to him.  I think celebration of life is more important than mourning - but each person is different.