You're not alone, whether you work or sah... — The Bump
June 2013 Moms

You're not alone, whether you work or sah...

1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
edited October 2013 in June 2013 Moms
I've seen a few posts (& vents) recently, and I have been feeling down a little this week, so I thought we should commiserate on whatever boat we're in. Bonus: leave a little appreciation of your H/SO/FI here too :)

You're not alone, whether you work or sah... 167 votes

SAH & want to
34% 58 votes
SAH & want to work (PT or FT) instead
8% 15 votes
Work & want to
29% 49 votes
Work & want to SAH
26% 45 votes

Re: You're not alone, whether you work or sah...

  • I have a high-stress job that is commission based, and I have not been doing well - professionally or emotionally - since returning to work. I hate bringing it up with H though, because I feel like I'm just whining to him about how guilty I feel leaving her at the babysitters, even though its MIL & my mom watching her; how afraid I am that my supply is dropping; and how tired I am all the time.
    [Deleted User]
  • I feel like I'm still in between... We moved when I was pregnant so I quit my full time job, switch fields completely and worked pt for the second half of my pregnancy. Now I'm very happy to sah but I don't know if it will be forever dnd I'm confused about what I want to do professionally. So everything is up in the air at the moment.


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  • I SAH and love it. On the rough days I miss working as I absolutely loved my job. But, I love being home with my kids and the cost of two kids in daycare would be majority of my paycheck
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  • I love staying home and very grateful that I have this opportunity but I do get lonely sometimes. But my SO is awesome for supporting my want to be a SAHM and we take advantage of the weekend when my SO is off.
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  • I SAH but I'm looking for work, we cant really afford for me to stay home. I love my son but I miss having my own money and the adult interaction. I am returning to school hopefully next fall, so I can eventually start my own business and have some flexibility, especially since i want one more kid and daycare for two kids will be crazy expensive...hence why i want to wait until DS is in school to have the next one...
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  • I'm a SAHM till February and I've really grown to love it. I miss not using my master degree(s) but I'm kind of okay with that at the same time. O and I have developed our own routine each day and it's working for us right now. I know I'm going to be sad going back but I make too much $$ to give it all up and I can't even think about what not working would do to my retirement funds.

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  • I work part time and love it. I don't think I could work ft or sah ft, but I like a little bit of both. I also think it helps that DH and I both love our jobs and work in academia so we have the same type of schedule with very lax summers and plenty of family time since no one in our world stays late or works weekends. I came from the world of big law so I know how bad it could be as a working mom which makes me appreciate my awesome schedule all the more.

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  • I hate working. Basically I am bored as my job is not challenging. I hate that my boys aren't with me all day and pumping really isn't fun.

    On the other hand I am an introvert and DS1 is not. He thrives being out and doing different things. He loves his little friends.

    DH does most of the housework and laundry right now. DS2 only sleeps when held so I am parked on the couch at 6:30 pm and can't really get anything done. Once he starts sleeping better I will have to find my balance again and get back into cooking and baking.
  • I would love to stay home because my school year has been terrible. Lots of gang activity and violence against teachers, plus little support from administration makes for a scary work environment. I remind myself constantly that I at least will get nice breaks at home, which helps get me through.

    I am looking for other jobs, though. In my area they are hard to come by, at least ones that are well paying with good benefits. We would struggle living off only one income.

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  • I work full time, and even though I complain about work sometimes, I am happy I'm working. It helps that I work from home while a nanny watches N. I have put in a TON of effort to get where I am in my career, and I can't imagine not working.

    My hubby is in school right now so I'm the main breadwinner. When he graduated I hope to drop to part time.
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  • I picked work and want to, but I'm full time right now and would love to be part time.  I'm just completely toast by the end of my day being out of the house for 12 hours.  I'd love to only work 3-4 days a week, but unfortunately my job doesn't allow for it. 


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  • I really do love my job and I was excited to return after maternity leave.  However, I really also miss my son when I am at work.  I would love to SAH given the chance, but financially, we aren't able to afford it.  I'm really happy that I have a job that I love because it makes it so much easier to come every day.  I guess either way I'd be happy!

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  • I have an amazing job in which I get to do what I love and I get to work from home twice a week. The boys still go to daycare on those days, but I get a chance to do chores and make some meals for the week. It's really the perfect situation, so our weekends are free to hang out instead of trying to keep the house clean. I've said before that I love being an example for my sons. My husband is a great dad, but is by no means a feminist, so it's up to me to show them that women can work if they want, stay home if they want, they get to choose their choice and either choice is the right one!
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  • I work part time and love it. It gives me a good balance between spending time with mister and adult interaction. I would go a little cray cray if I was home every day.

  • I work but would rather be a SAHM. My job is a lot of the same sh*t, different day and I'm kind of bored with it. Right now, I have to work and I know in the long run it's the best thing. With me working, I can build my retirement fund, add to DD's college fund and buy her the things she needs without worrying too much about breaking the budget. She loves daycare and I know it's great for her to socialize; I just miss not being able to see her as much as I would like.
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  • I SAH and work from home part time.  I taught college last year and mostly loved it, but it was a one-year job.  Finding a permanent full-time job in my field would almost certainly mean moving, and adjunct (by-the-class) teaching that I could possibly find in town would barely pay for childcare.  My husband and I decided we'd rather have a baby somewhere we have a support system and have less money than move to a new city where we know nobody so I could work.  I'm really happy with the choice we made, because I love being at home with Iris.  In fact, although I feel a little silly about it due to the seven years I spent in grad school, I don't really feel that strongly about having a career. In my early 20s, I was all kinds of gung-ho about making sacrifices to do what I wanted to do school/workwise, but my inner June Cleaver has really emerged in the last few years...
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  • I work full time and I wish I could be a SAHM.  3 months of maternity leave was awesome and gave me a taste of what it would be like.  I took care of Colton, cooked, did laundry, light cleaning, and had time for crafty projects and grocery shopping.  I absolutely loved it.  But sadly I love nice things too. So I decided to continue to work, which turned out to be the best decision for us at this time because now my husband has a month to find a new job and may be out of job which will cut down our income in half. 

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  • I work and love my job, though I wish I could work a little less.  Like I wish I could do my job and my current place of employment, but only work 3-4 days a week.  That would be awesome. 
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  • I SAH and love it. First of all, daycare for 2 kids and probably latch key for a 3rd... I didn't make that much money working so it wouldn't be worth it. And, I have never been a career driven type. I can't think of any job I would love doing more than running around in mismatched socks, my hair in disarray, and surrounded by endless laundry and cleaning. I hate laundry and cleaning, but I hate the idea of working more. I worked full time with my first and I was miserable. I was gone 12 hours everyday and I would come home and snuggle for a minute, bathe her, and bedtime. I missed so much and I'm thankful we are in a position for me to stay home. We live on a tight budget, but we make it work.

  • Work and want to be a SAH mom! 
  • I put SAH and want to work. But when I go back it will be 2 days a week and that will hopefully be the perfect combination of time away. I wouldn't be ok with FT right now maybe when he's a little older.
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  • TheTamedShrewTheTamedShrew
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2013
    There should be an option that says "SAH/work and wish I could clone myself so that I could do everything"
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  • I SAH, but also work out of my home 6 hours a week (one afternoon and two evenings) which feels like a great balance! I get to work in my field and use my masters degree, but set my own hours and rate. Our plan was always for me to SAH and I feel really lucky to be able to. There are incredibly hard moments, but it's worth it!!






  • DH and I decided I would SAH since it wouldn't be worth it to work and pay for daycare. I love every moment with her and spend weekends with DH. I'm dreading going back to work next year and missing moments with Jocelyn. It's been a little tight financially but worth it.
  • I said "work and want to", but I'm self-employed and work from home, so I'm able to keep LO. As frustrating as it can be trying to work with a 5 month old around all the time, I really feel like I get the best of both worlds.
  • I put work and want to, I was a little torn though. I honestly don't think I'd be happy staying home forever and I truly think daycare is good for L but I wish I could have stayed at home longer then 8 weeks. If it had been possible to stay home for 6 months and really get my footing before going back to work I think it would have been better. So, I don't know. I miss my kid.
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